a hot mess

can't believe i'm about to do this BUT i have had a lifetime's worth of nasty gnarly break ups and falling outs with folks (i.e. men cuz i'm not bi) and i always handle it the same...days and days of mourning and feeling empty. i caught myself going into the pit falls of despair (see pictures 1 and 2 below) and decided i needed to document just how how hard it is for me and then look good and hard at those images and NEVER let it happen again.

#1.

ouch...yes i realize i look a hot mess. that's the point

#2.
it always gets worse before it gets better

without going into the sad little details of my shakespearean-like dating/talking WHATEVER IT WAS! downfall i can honestly say i'm a little bit done with drama. the two friend hook ups have been laid to rest. (lol the LAST thing a gal with a heart issue needs is cholestrol in human form!)

i vow to not let this take control...not even for 5 minutes...because then those tears last for 10, then 20...you get the drift. i listened to a playlist my best bud created for me when i was in college (going thru the same ish. i never learn) called "a new beginning", took a shower, washed all the pity off, got dressed, ran and dumped off anything i could afford to let go out of my closet for goodwill (i tend to purge A LOT under such circumstances) and now i plan to watch mindless tv and relax. no crying. just chillaxing. see. i prove it.

#3.
awww...much better. water and some perspective does a heart (AND FACE!) good.

there's no use crying over spilled confusion and misunderstandings now! so for the record, my heart indeed broke in 2009. i'm not the least interested in gluing it back together and giving it to someone else to break BUT i am interested in gluing back my happy little demeanor and doing what i apparently do best...be a good friend and faithful little blogger.

so no stories about last weekend...lets just pretend i went to a prison, bonded with a girl named lucy and now have a sore bum. (no one wants to be the jerk that wants sore bum details, right? same goes with my weekend.)

hasta luego heart ache. hello emotional numbness!

p.s. this was my horoscope for today:

Your horoscope for July 13, 2009

Lessons may come in odd shapes and sizes today, so don't feel like you need to make immediate sense of every little thing that comes your way, Tish. Instead of over-analyzing everything and becoming paralyzed by the emotion you feel in relation to it, take decisive action and feel free to make mistakes. This is where the lessons come in. Give them opportunities to teach you what you need to know at this time.

spooky...