captain's log: no sign of life

(queue underwater sonar sound)

log 346: day 822 of boring weekend days

i think i jinxed myself. friday morning as i walked into the company elevator i encountered a lady who used to work in the same area as i. i felt compelled to start a conversation because i know deep down there's something wrong with snarling at people like i really want to do. i ask her the typical response "whatcha been up to". she replies "you know same ole same ole" and in that moment i knew i was facing one of my own.

she was actually totally annoyed by the lame-ness of the question and even more so that she was forced to answer back with the lame-ness. i had brought lame-ness people!

to make up for this i decided to throw out a little bitter truth. i told her how i was wack for asking the question because it's a lame one and we both know that once we become adults we become zombies. we work. we go home. we watch tv or do some other brainless activity and that's frickin IT people! we don't DO anything. people that indeed do DO something actually come to work with smiles on their face. they actually approach people with stories of what they have done. those people complain about being too busy all the time. the non-doers of the world want to push these kinds of people and give them wedgies.

the woman in the elevator laughed, shook her head yes and then exited shortly after. maybe i did a bad thing. maybe i'm not supposed to talk about how boring and slow life can be at times but it felt good at the time.

now, a day later, i pay for it. i'm gonna step out on my own here and say the monotany i am about to explain only applies to single folks with no kids. actually how about i skip out on that one just to drive home the fact that i'm not so interested in hearing from my married with kid friends how lucky i am to do the following:

1. sit and stare at white space around desk area for 5 minutes. don't remember if blinking has occured during this attempt. find humor in wondering if this is a poor man's version of zen

2. catch up on oprah's from the week that were worthy of watching. that would be 1

3. eat two bowls of cinammon toast crunch and decide to stick up my middle finger to running or doing any type of physical activity

4. stare at my phone for 2 minutes. look for signs of life. will the red light start blinking? did i see something out of the corner of my eye? nope...not yet. oh wait! no...not yet.

5. decide going to the dentist will be the highlight of my day because it will get me out of my cave.

6. catch up on all blogs i'm currently digging. secretly curse the other bloggers for not coming with some dang consistency. don't they know there are bored ass people in the world waiting for that ish?!

7. spend 3 minutes deciding on a name for new planet on my chin. i'm going with plutearth. what do you think?

INTERUPTION!!! phone finally blinks red!!! woooo HOOOOO! signs of life! signs of life!'s friend updating me on fun things she's doing today...hmmm...go back to log.

8. end log with new found excitement and giddiness. creativity has delivered me from evil. i will clean! that will kill about 30 minutes. eureka!

and so goes my sad sad little life. i pooh on all assumptions that single gal in the bit city tish mcgee is living the life. end log.

maybe tomorrow's log will feature my battle with soap scum. i know how thrilling that is.


  1. honey i am totally feeling you on this one today. ugh.

    and hell yeah on the not wanting to hear how "lucky" you are. i cringe when i hear that. of course the grass looks greener when you're getting poked in the face by little people at 5am. but their grass looks just as good when you are on your third straight day without exchanging words with any human being except the chinese takeout guy. we are all a little pathetic at times. and that's ok.


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