squeezing until happiness pops out

so i wasn't so happy with starting my day in tears..in fact it pissed me off more. i don't know if you've noticed but i like to write and i like to convey my current attitude in my writing so i felt pretty bad that i was basically screaming down my best bud's throat thu the world wide web.

i had to take action yo. i had to drop the tears with the quickness and get over the "poor me" so i immediately started squeezing things out of my day in order to beat the funk.

so i scanned the ugliest dogs in the world...got some chuckles. pretended to karate chop a guy i work with in the throat (scared him enough to drop his cell phone..hee hee) laughed a bit harder and then the happiness just started coming. my buddy from work helped me with my sister's bridal shower invitation stuff (they're perdy) and work didn't kick me arse, my buddy asked if i'd watch twilight...are you kidding me?! and i get frozen yogurt. PLUS i found great gifts for the gracious married couple i will be staying with when i go back home...

ahhh i love squeezing out happiness. turned that darn stupid ugly pooh pooh morning into a lovely day.

smiles all day 'err day!

do you ever have one of those days?

i'm having one of those days where i just feel like a bag of pooh and i need to write to get it out of my system...i mean who wants to be pooh? (or look like it in the above case)

life can sometimes be a series of unfortunate events and i find that i sometimes flip the HECK out over these little unfortunates. today i had a minor blip that left me crying at my desk (and no it's not that time)...

all i'm saying is i can not wait to go home this week. kansas city, thank you for strategically placing yourself into my future plans...you couldn't have come at a better time!

respecting, drinkin tea and blistering up

i love when i complain about something (ahem being bored) and then that situation spins itself into something i dig.

since last week was the worst kind of boring hell ever this weekend decided to pity me and fill itself with yummy goodness.

friday night i left my hollywood bowl virginity behind and went and saw aretha franklin. one of my girls actually scoffed at the idea of seeing her live which i TOTALLY don't get. this week more than any we've learned that our pop icons and living legends should never be taken for granted so i scooted my way to the bowl with my pal maria.

it's well known that miss thang is a dare devil (and i am not!) so i knew going in she would probably make me jump seats to closer ones (which scares the goody two-shoes pants off of me) but i did it...i just swigged the bottle of wine we bought to help take the edge off ;)

we ended up getting really good seats with some of her work pals and we danced in the aisles, drank wine and sang our little hearts out for 3 straight hours. aretha did the darn thing and gave me some major chills. it's not every day you get to witness the QUEEN!!! halle berry, angela bassett as well as jesse jackson and others were there to see her sing the hell out of that bowl? arena?...that last time she came to the bowl was 35 years ago or something crazy like that...it was an experience i'll remember for the rest of my life.

she was singing "freeway of love" with these awesome samba dancers on stage...random? yes but amazing nonetheless

you know i had to go to the 13th sink to wash my hands after...too bad the soap dispenser wasn't working...haters

saturday morning began in pasadena. i went and got my eyebrows de-caterpillared and then headed back to my place to meet up with my roommate and her bud so that we could ride to her 30th birthday tea party together. we ended up at this delightfully sweet little spot in pasadena that had every kind of tea you can imagine including chocolate tea. i had this great black tea that tasted like an indian boba tea...mmm. we tried our hardest to speak like ladies and ate little dainty tea sandwhiches, cakes and scones like ravenous beasts. i grubbed. i manage to gangsta up any local i invade for some reason.

tea for two...i was diggin the little sponges at the end of the spout to catch the dribble. can i get one of those for my mouth?

some of the lovely ladies i got to sit with. lady talk lead to me finding out i'm not the only labrynth lover...we have a proposed movie viewing coming up. love lady talk!

after that i met up with my gal pal vanessa (my very first friend in los angeles actually) for her birthday party. we went to one of my favorite restaurants of all time, hal's in venice. we ate GREAT food, laughed, drank wine and then went to opera in hollywood (the ladies from the tv show "the hills" go there a bunch) where we danced our little bottoms off. ( i managed to come home with a wicked blister...my boy had to carry me into my apt complex...yeah it was that bad) i haven't been dancing in so long. vanessa and her hubby and her kid sis & boyfriend are all the type of people that just go out and have a good time...we were dorkifying that whole dance floor with our goofiness. couldn't ask for a better night and a better group of folks to share it with.

today i managed to sleep in and miss laying out by the pool at the standard hotel with my cuz shell so i went out to my poolio and worked on the browness...coming along nicely.

i've figured out it's just great being around people and living life and DOING things...as long as i'm moving i'm happy and i definitely moved this weekend.

secret society

if you're female and one of my close buds then you've probably more than likely heard me speak about two groups of people who i find to be quite fascinating. One group consists of actors. ( i swear whenever i'm faced to face with someone who's made it i don't gush and guffaw. i want to inspect them; check for the magic dust that got them thru the door) the same goes for the second group of folks, married woman.

ah to be a bride...

i swear i want to be an archeologist and just study the mess out of the specimen known as "wife". this select group of females live, walk and talk like us single gals but i swear there's some sort of magic dust, some elusive club they are inducted into that the rest of us don't have a clue about.

my theory is women with boyfriends are spotted by this elusive group. the group does extensive background checks and finds the girl worthy of life's wifey secrets. they seek the girl out, throw her in the back of an unmarked black van and spend the next couple of days teaching the girl what to do in order to get ole boy to propose. i of course have never penetrated the secret layer of where all this goes down so i'm not sure what the rites of passage are but i'm sure they're super cool; complete with handshakes and wiggle dances.

i'm reading a book right now about a young chinese girl who is being prepared for marriage. she's learning how to play an instrument, paint flowers, bind her feet...the list goes on and it takes months to do.

i wonder if this practice still goes on today with a few minor upgrades (girls no longer have to break their darn feet in order to land a dude).

i don't know what it is but you can bet your bottom dollar that i'll be sniffin around the women i know who are recently engaged/married. i will get to the bottom of this power they possess if it's the last thing i do! mwahahahaaaaa

a wonder of a day

so check this out...today has been divine, ethereal, inspiring and lovely to a T.

my tire was a mere $14 fix. indeed an evil nail had punctured the heart of my dear sweet tire,but i was fortunate enough to meet a magic sorcerer named pep boy who gave my tire the elixir of life and now i'm all to the good. the way there was a bit scary i'll admit. (this is one of those times i growl i'm single and alone). i was going 30 the whole time praying to God i didn't bust my spare or get cussed out by one of those los angeles hoodlums you always hear are causing a ruckus on sunday early mornings. fortunately for me, none of those nasty scenarios went down and i came out of the situation all smiles.

lesson learned from annoying experience: i think i needed to slow things down and enjoy the ride. once the tire was back in the land of the living i decided to keep with the 30 mph pace and enjoyed my favorite new thing known as june gloom. ain't it grand? look at those beautiful grey clouds!

the beauty of june gloom inspired me to stay out and about so i rolled on over to my hood's farmer's market. i LOVE farmer's markets!!! (mine in particular) it's the only place i can hear the sounds of caribbean steel drums & folk guitar, smell curry mixed with sunflowers & roses and see diablo cody look-a-likes mixed with yuppy dads with kiddoes firmly planted on shoulders.

don't ya just love keepin' it local?!

nothing like fresh basil in the morning

i came away with pretty flowers


and my new favorite fruit: the pluot

my lovely sunday morning inspired me to finally finish my little art project too. (well for now...it's an on-going thang i suppose.) behold the wall of ART!
(thunder sounds)

zany pics i've taken or had taken thru out the years of me and the ones i hold dear. everyone needs a luv wall in my opinion.

i was thinking of staying with all black frames with white matting but it comes off so strict and formal looking...thus the sudden splash of other kinds of frames. what do ya'll think?

the rest of the day will consist of random whatevers. i'm currently listening to the bird and the bee. they are this band that i read about randomly in a small blurb in my o magazine and i'm absolutely in love with them. i feel like their sound can be described visually. it's like walking into a pinkberry store. there are these quirky, almost disturbing simple toys you can buy...or better yet the music is like sitting in this bedroom CLICK. just whimsically haunting tunes that lullabye you to sleep.
i recommend "polite dance song".

i'm SO diggin today!

tired of flat lines (& tires)

i fear it. i dread it. i pray it never happens and yet...my nightmare keeps coming back to torment me.

i'm referring to getting a flat tire and what getting one does to my sanity.

i had one of these stupid things a couple of weeks ago. i bought two new pretty tires but the dingle dorks at the tire place put the newbies on the back and the broke-ass tired ones (no pun intended) in the front. normally this would seem like the smart thing to do but my stinkin' wanna-be sports car sits at a weird angle, putting a rediculous amount of pressure on the front two. so i kinda need the new hotness in the front for protection.

i called it. deep down i knew it would happen and today was the perfect day for such an ordeal. i went to the dentist and found out i have to have some gnarly deep clean thing that requires novicaine and i have two cavities. oh happy day.

then i decide to cheer myself up by finishing up an art project i've had in the works for a couple of months now and somewhere between target and my house i catch a flat. i pull into my garage to the sound of buckle buckle buckle...hssssssssssssssss


so yeah. i calmly call my insurance co, get a tow truck and i think i'm ok but ole boy BREAKS my hubcaps that although cheap are my favorite edition to my hoopty (they gave my car a much needed face lift). i'm done. stick a fork in me.

tire issues SUCK! my poor car sits outside waiting for its doc appt with pep boys tomorrow. i'm so tired of tires.

this is what really melts my butter...i had to park my newly washed car under a tree so the stinkin' tow truck could get to it. hmph

my fear...

my face when experiencing the fear

captain's log: no sign of life

(queue underwater sonar sound)

log 346: day 822 of boring weekend days

i think i jinxed myself. friday morning as i walked into the company elevator i encountered a lady who used to work in the same area as i. i felt compelled to start a conversation because i know deep down there's something wrong with snarling at people like i really want to do. i ask her the typical response "whatcha been up to". she replies "you know same ole same ole" and in that moment i knew i was facing one of my own.

she was actually totally annoyed by the lame-ness of the question and even more so that she was forced to answer back with the lame-ness. i had brought lame-ness people!

to make up for this i decided to throw out a little bitter truth. i told her how i was wack for asking the question because it's a lame one and we both know that once we become adults we become zombies. we work. we go home. we watch tv or do some other brainless activity and that's frickin IT people! we don't DO anything. people that indeed do DO something actually come to work with smiles on their face. they actually approach people with stories of what they have done. those people complain about being too busy all the time. the non-doers of the world want to push these kinds of people and give them wedgies.

the woman in the elevator laughed, shook her head yes and then exited shortly after. maybe i did a bad thing. maybe i'm not supposed to talk about how boring and slow life can be at times but it felt good at the time.

now, a day later, i pay for it. i'm gonna step out on my own here and say the monotany i am about to explain only applies to single folks with no kids. actually how about i skip out on that one just to drive home the fact that i'm not so interested in hearing from my married with kid friends how lucky i am to do the following:

1. sit and stare at white space around desk area for 5 minutes. don't remember if blinking has occured during this attempt. find humor in wondering if this is a poor man's version of zen

2. catch up on oprah's from the week that were worthy of watching. that would be 1

3. eat two bowls of cinammon toast crunch and decide to stick up my middle finger to running or doing any type of physical activity

4. stare at my phone for 2 minutes. look for signs of life. will the red light start blinking? did i see something out of the corner of my eye? nope...not yet. oh wait! no...not yet.

5. decide going to the dentist will be the highlight of my day because it will get me out of my cave.

6. catch up on all blogs i'm currently digging. secretly curse the other bloggers for not coming with some dang consistency. don't they know there are bored ass people in the world waiting for that ish?!

7. spend 3 minutes deciding on a name for new planet on my chin. i'm going with plutearth. what do you think?

INTERUPTION!!! phone finally blinks red!!! woooo HOOOOO! signs of life! signs of life! ...it's friend updating me on fun things she's doing today...hmmm...go back to log.

8. end log with new found excitement and giddiness. creativity has delivered me from evil. i will clean! that will kill about 30 minutes. eureka!

and so goes my sad sad little life. i pooh on all assumptions that single gal in the bit city tish mcgee is living the life. end log.

maybe tomorrow's log will feature my battle with soap scum. i know how thrilling that is.

peace be still

be wise. be still. be shy like turtle. move slowly, move carefully towards something good.

there's a silver lining in even the darkest of corners. when you've been beaten down to the point of emotional and physical fatigue the only thing one can do is slow...slow can be good :) slow is perfect for working on an old but beautiful idea, "peace be still".

today i plan to be like the turtle (not the ninja variety...think tortoise and the hare)

have you ever watched a baz luhrmann film? he does this crazy cool film technique where he has everything in the shot moving ridiculously fast and then he slows it down just as fast as he sped it up. (check out moulin rouge or romeo + juliet for examples) i feel like i was running at the speed of light and now i'm slowing it down...choppin that stuff up like dj screw.

it's good for the soul. it's what's for dinner.

hangin with the testosterone troop

sometimes ya just need a good man. sometimes you even need two.

girls, you are seriously missing out if you live with the belief that dudes are incapable of being good girlfriends. i hung out with d and my newbie friend mark all weekend long and it's been JUST.WHAT.I.NEEDED!

first of all guys can seriously give you a one up on any guy problems/enigmatic matters you may be facing. they can break down the male mind the correct way. ladies we can guess all day long but that ish is really much too weird to tackle with estrogen alone.

they tell you when to shut up so you don't obsessively talk about pea-brain silly matters.

they go to the freakin horse races with you, then wake up at the butt crack of dawn and do spin classes with you...then watch hilarious movies like "the hangover" with you and even watch chick flicks like "he's just not that into you".

it was such a good day to hang with the fellas. i have pics from last night. my buddy ian had his birthday at the races due to the fact that beer and hot dogs are a $1..yes, you read that right.

it was a darn good weekend and here are some pics as proof :)

my buddy ian from work

the birthday boy is about to gamble

the race track

my buddy mark

this is where they show the horses off before they race

the married couple

work buds

lol i thought this shot wouldn't be as funny post alcohol buzz but it still is

zac sunderland

has anyone been following zac sunderland's adventures on the open seas?

i had some time to kill this afternoon before my abs and legs class started so i sat down in the front of the gym and picked up an espn. the kid on the cover intrigued the heck out of me.

this 16 year old kid is sailing across the world as i type. the article talks about his challenges and triumphs...his realizations that he can do or be anything. it was inspiring as heck to read.

the dude is 17 and gets "it". i think i'm gonna have to keep that article for awhile...i'm jealous of the kid. i'm sure he's had a couple of mental breakdowns (understatements abound) alone out there for an entire year but he's discovered the world and himself...something many of us take a life time to do.

my cousin has asked me to take off a week of work and go to costa rica with her. i'd have to take unpaid time but maybe a trip outside...time to be alone on a beach in a place i've never been before is just what i need.

zac says we should do something hard once a year...what's my hard? lol am i in my hard now? lol who knows...

talib talk

the poets of the people are chillin out. most of the true poets stick to college campuses or lounge spots...the old school poets were worshipped in newspapers (langston hughes' "simple" stories) and known for chillin on a porch speaking to the youngins.

those poets have evolved into something beyond. my simple little mind has had to expand my definition of "poet" and include some of hip hop heads in that mix.

langston hughes lives on.

i heart talib kweli. this is no secret. this fine fellow's words cause me to stop typing at my work computer and get real quiet like so that i can hear 'what the young brutha is trying to say'. (shout out to lyte as a rock!)

i just listened to "oh my stars"-- a song he sings to his kiddoes about being stars. i love how you can tell kids that stuff and they soak it up and believe it with zesty confidence. (good message brutha man!)

i went to a kindergarten graduation last night and listened to kids' dreams for their futures. some want to be president, some firefighters...some want to dance, paint and be a vet while others want to teach like the men and women they see at school every day.

it's so fun to watch kids get inspired...they're so easily convinced they can do anything and everything. simple words become stamps of truth.

when i listen to mr kweli i feel like a tiny fun part of me gets inspired. makes me want to bring back the old school brain. i want my kid brain back! i really do! who's with me?!

a change vacillator

i hate change and i love it. when things are going downhill fast, pronto-like i pray for a bottle of change day and night...but alas when it comes i'm not such a fan.

it's like drinking strong alcohol...it sounds good in theory but once you take it in your whole body starts to burn. change burns!!!

today my ab & legs instructor was out so they had a sub come in and her kinda change kicked my bee-hind ferociously...had me rolling over and across a ball like a dang fool...hated it doing it...felt darn good afterwards...glad i completed (some of it) but man was i fighting the changes during the motions.

i'm trying my hardest to apply this same concept to my life in general...so i don't like the change as it's happening...but i'll feel better in the end. i'm crossing my fingers.

i keep getting these anonymous comments on my blog that 3 people read a day telling me not to give up on acting...that's another ball of change i keep rolling across and can't quite balance on just yet. (the acting not the secret comments) i have no idea what direction to go in regarding my dream.

do i suck even more cash into it and get new head shots? actually start going back to my workshop classes? none of these things sound tempting at the current moment. in fact i'm yawning a bit. hmmm

guess we'll see if change can ignite something interesting and awesome up my butt and get me moving. (sounds painful but again...i said before change ain't no walk in the park for me)

Drama you're drama!

drama is drama for me right now...

i woke up at 2 am this morning and randomly checked my phone messages. the guy who runs my acting workshop had sent a mass email out congratulating a chick from class winning the stinkin monologue contest that i had submitted to a couple of months ago.

today i really dislike acting. i'm just gonna say it. i'm just gonna be ugly for a minute so brace yourselves...i can't STAND hearing about other people booking commercials. i can't STAND hearing that they win contests that are gonna propel their careers forward. i can't STAND hearing my agents talk about the economy jacking up the entertainment business and then telling me to keep my day job. i can't STAND the drama of drama.

this crap blows. i want to beat the 4 year old me upside the frickin head for even thinking going into this business was a fun idea.

i refuse to take any of it back either. it's out there...i hate drama's drama.
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