a twitch test to consider

4.27.2009
a wise crack head once said in a very cool movie, "Welcome to Hollywood! What's your dream? Everybody comes here; this is Hollywood, land of dreams. Some dreams come true, some don't; but keep on dreamin' - this is Hollywood. Always time to dream, so keep on dreamin'. "

i always knew movies would be my inspiration but i never thought that the content of a movie would apply...life is full of little suprises, ain't it?!

my blogs have gotten so sparce. lol i feel so guilty about writing such negative crap all the time so i've drifted off a bit. without complaining i think i can give a playback of what's been going in my brain lately though. (have to take advantage of the good days)

it's no suprise that la has bullied me a bit. learning new people, new hustles, new life lessons hasn't been a walk in the park and sometimes i don't know if the darn stuff is worth it. (honestly) last week i spent a lot of time wondering if i should give up on acting. the auditions are few and far apart, the rejections are hard to swallow and my heart's passion is shadowed by fears.

i'm going to go on auto pilot for a bit. if auditions come during that time so be it but i can't handle the pressure of thinking about my dream 24/7...i wake up, eat breath , sleep acting...i have to chill out and listen to what the world is trying to tell me.

i've never once faltered on my dreams...not once since i was four. anyone can tell you i've been a persistent little thing about the whole thing...so adamant that it would happen because something in my heart had promised me so. i laugh and cry thinking of that little kid. she was pretty frickin adorable i must say.

i'm not ready to let her completely go but i also don't want to be that crazy weird old lady that's still chasing after a dream that left her years before.

"some dreams come true, some don't"...

the "don't" still makes me twitch...it's that twitch that keeps me from giving up completely. do our dreams make us who we are? am i that? i wonder how much of my identity i've built around this. these are all things i'll get to the bottom of in the next couple of months. not an easy task i know but it's all about that twitch. it gives me a certain strength when i'm at my weakest...when nothing makes sense i know that an unconscious physical response like a twitch has to mean something.

when in doubt i gravitate towards things with meaning...good rule of thumb.

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