someone has to tell the scaredy cat's story

because i'm real i have to KEEP it real and tell you dear friends all the boo boo i've put myself thru this week. i haven't been the sweetest cupcake in the box i'll tell you that.

so back in november i found out thru some tests that i had some abnormal cells growing in the my doctor being the cool dude that he is decided we wouldn't freak out...we'd just monitor the three weeks ago i go in for my follow up and low and behold the cells have decided to make friends and go buck wild so the doc gives me the bad news that a biopsy needs to be done.

this is where the real comes in. i'm no gangster. when it comes to my health i'm a big fat baby. you hear stories of these amazing women that look sickness in the eye and say "bring it foo"...that is not me. lol. this is what i do. i freak a tiny bit...then i gain a false sense of cool and tell everyone i'm ok..then i freak OUT then i'm calm because i have no more tears left...that's me in a nut shell.

so sis was with me when i found out i'd need to do the biopsy and so i laughed it off with yogurt but then this week it really hit me hard. this procedure is painful and all of a sudden i'm making plans alone to drive myself to the appointment, get 'err done and then drive myself home and sit the rest of the night by myself chillin. (sound appealing to anyone?) i got a bit angry and then just bawled all night long. i just kept thinking about how my support system is chillin back in missouri and i would not want to do it out here alone. i told my fam i would refuse treatment because there would be absolutely no way i'd handle that ish well alone. who flies solo ? besides rosario dawson in 7 pounds (she's now my role model by the way)

anyways...i got passed that state of mind thank goodness. i spoke with email boyfriend, my mom and j...they all in their own ways helped shake me out of my pity party and into reality. yes, it will suck if i were to find out bad news from all this mess (which was rescheduled today by the way!!!) but i can handle it...

it's ok that i'm not the sweetest cupcake every long as i bounce back and try my hardest. i can handle this real perspective stuff. i can write and blog about it too because gosh darn it i'm real and sometimes life gets nasty and we forget how to be perky and pessimistic.

and it's ok...not all of us can be saints 24/7...someone's gotta tell the scaredy cat's story!!! keepin it real feels so much better at the end of the day.


  1. You no scaredy're a telling-the-truth cat. And that's more brave than anything else. :)

  2. i imagine you had an accent when you said that ; ) lol

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. I agree with Jen! You are a strong, truth-telling WOMAN!


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