rockin' solo

3.19.2009
so last night i attended a rock concert with b at the troubadour for a buddy of hers and while i had an AWESOME time listening to the tunage i couldn't help feeling like somehow i'm still living in that weird bubble of not knowing what the heck i'm doing with my life, who the heck i am and why the heck i've been put on this earth.

i shot a couple of takes of my monologue for that film festival contest last night and sadly (but apparently not too sad) i couldn't produce the oscar-winning tears necessary to hit it out of the park. sigh...i couldn't get my computer to participate with the actual burning of the footage so tonight i'll be trekking over to bree's abode to grab some copies to take over to don's place to burn. (did you catch all that).

i'm scared. what if it's not good enough?...what if i didn't produce the "get her done" performance necessary for this thing? sigh...

i sat at the concert...thinking about all of my loaded ponderings while purple and yellow lights flashed all around me and music rang thru my ears. the guys on stage were happy...their talent was blasting thru the speakers and you could see that they were happy in their skin doing what they love. i envy that feeling.

i focused on the troubadour sign above the stage looking for some kind of sign that i'm where i should be (ironic i would focus on an actual sign)...

neon signs unfortunately aren't good at answering questions though. pity

back in college i'd go out to a high school track on 23rd street and run 3 miles for clarity...maybe tonight's 5 miles will give me something to take the edge off. here's hoping!

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