the word thing is the scenes that should have left me in shambles didn't and the ones that every one else found humorous and entertaining had me in hysterics. no i will not ruin the movie for you. no spoilers.
there's just something about a great dramatic film that gets inside my skin...wiggles around in my ribs, knocks the air out of me, infuses into my blood and leaves me spent...
especially that one.
i drove home in tears (of course)...big drops falling over my lovely black dress...i drove passed the throngs of halloweenies lining up along the streets of ventura off to whatever parties are happening through out the night knowing that sometimes i'm just meant to get lost in some story. i plan to do more of that. tonight i have a long date with a book named jane.
just found out my cousin and her peeps are in west hollywood partying it up and will need a place to crash tonight...please help me god.
don't cha just love it when the time changes? sometimes i wish i lived in arizona...well if it wasn't a red state that is. speaking of voting...
president clinton left a voice message on my phone. i pretty much rock for that...i know it was unique and solely a message meant for me. i will be voting no on prop 8 (rights for all yo!)...this is the first year i've been utterly fixated on the political climate...the first time i've had the audacity to hope. all my fellow blue peeps will get that reference ; ) obama 08...less than a week away! woo hooo!
so far so great on halloween. pretty typical work day: ya never really do anything...nothing gets accomplished... every body gorges on food and giggles at all the costumes...that's pretty much it. (i'll post a couple of my fav's at the end)
tonight will not be a traditional halloweeny night though...i plan to go see the new jolie film with some buds. we plan to raid the bar and grab some of these magically deliciously hot dogs with watermelon bbq sauce (yeah you heard me) and chill out.
to the blog!
tv diaries called me again!!! i'm on to the next round!!! oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah! (happy dance, round and round, ya feel that...do you feel that shake?!)
i was sitting at work today when i got the call and i swear i started screaming and jumping up and down (all professionalism went out the door). so now i have to make another tape but this time i just have to do what i do best...talk about stuff. i've already introduced myself so the hard part is over :) ....ya'll do realize that it sucks to submit your actual self as the material and get rejected...no one wants to hear their life or personality sucks lol!
i haven't decided what i'll do my russian man (aka vlog) about just yet. that's the beauty of these things...it just comes to me and poof! there she goes.
"tonight is your night bro...tonight is your night!" (where's danny devito when you need him?)
so yeah i'm on a high...tomorrow's halloween. i will be a witch if you dare to know...a chic nice cute witch but a witch nonetheless.
cackle cackle cackle
happy halloween every body. can't wait to see what treats are coming my way!
i just watched obama's public message and i still have goose bumps. it was really hard for me to watch all of the personal stories...there's so much going on right now and when i look at obama my jaw wants to drop in awe. i feel like he's walking around atlas style...the weight of the world resting slightly on his shoulders. i can't think of a time in my life where i could watch a living hero. it's crazy but that's exactly what i think of him as being...i recommend folks read his autobiography. it's crazy that a man represents so much positivity. i love it...it totally perked up my day.
mateo my workboy twin is in town. a group of us went to boulevard burgers on ventura for lunch today...if you want to experience juicy goodness i suggest you grub there if you're ever in woodland hills, ca. i did the happy dance at least three times.
ipod shuffle. alanis and dolly parton are all i need in this life. first you have alanis rockin out some major venom and then dolly just comes and sweeps it all up, says it's ok in her cute little way and then makes you appreciate the small stuff :)
the ability to laugh at my out of shape behind. i tried doing the kind of sit ups where you hang upside down and come up...lol i popped something in my stomach and almost busted a gut laughing (literally)
j's new job stories and random bits of alliteration. she's such a quirky queen of quick pro quo.
and finally my grandma's emails for the day...the woman never fails in her ability to slap me out of funks, humor me with her poetry and lull me into peaceful confidence that my fam has my back no matter what.
like ms simone says, "i'm feeling good"
I can’t function today. I had a jam packed weekend so I’m guessing part of my ineptitude stems from that but there’s just something jacked up about forgetting your watch, forgetting to blow dry your hair…putting on weird funky socks (even for me) and not remembering the drive to work…I don’t know if the weekend deserves zombie Monday behavior but it’s there nonetheless.
I did so much it was crazy. I’ve complained in the past about being bored and not having ish to do with anyone…I think I totally had to eat my words…and then some.
Saturday was a great day. I woke up early, hung with the original gangster (first la friend miss bree) and had coffee. We went to our original coffee hot spot and discussed books over some yummy lemon cake and caffeinated beverages and then I parted so I could go play with a new friend at a guitar shop. (random coolness)
I met up with B after that to shoot my audition tape for that reality show and then we headed south for knotts scary farm for the kind of scary fun that can cause folks to pass out if they’re not careful. I swear I’ve never laughed at myself as hard as Saturday night. why did I run screaming through a maze while monsters chased me hungrily…while B and the gang followed behind hysterically heaving at my expense. Sigh…Forking up the big bucks to go was totally worth it. When we returned my body ached like I had been beaten with a bat…I mean what kind of laughter turns you into a pool of soreness?! It’s bananas!
Sunday was spent in bed lol…seriously didn’t even dress until 3:30 or so. my girls B & E loaded into my car for a nice night on an open patio eating good food and sippin good drinks. The spirits definitely left me feeling like all I need in this world is my girls. Random: the hostess seated us right beside a guy I went on a date with recently. Talk about awkward…la is not as big as you think…and the valley is even smaller than that!!!
Man it was a great weekend. i mean at one point us gals were in the parking lot of the Sherman oaks galleria trying to do the dances that beyonce currently does in her “single ladies” video…
Lol it was just THAT kind of weekend.
yeah yeah yeah...i know the old tishy with film high standards would have scoffed at any mention of reality tv but alas that tishy said peace the minute she found out she'd be paying sky high rent for a box. a sista has to eat!!!
so here's the premise of the show...i would basically do what i've been doing for the past 2 years...tell complete strangers, friends and family about all the crazy weird ish i tend to find myself in out here in la la land with one exception...i would have to do a videe blog, now known as vlogging. it would be kind of like a real world confessional booth type of thing...every week i'd submit my vlog--aka big russian man (sounds russian,no?) and viewers would vote on whether or not they wanted to hear what i'd talk about next...
i figure with dating, acting, goofy friends and an insane amount of pent up energy i can do this.
the meeting i just attended with the casting folks was crazy. it's uncanny how willing and ready people are to share their stories...i heard stories of divorce, one man discussed how his militant parenting led to his dismissal from the household...he's now homeless. one girl is a plus size model in training, another an aspiring r&b singer/mother...a bad comic with a knack for inappropriate perverted jokes and me....when the casting agent asked why i would vlog i said "because i currently blog and my friends seem to keep reading". lol...
save the juicy bits for the cam...and blog ; )
wish me and the vlog luck!
it was like i came home....i kept hearing things that reminded me of the tish i used to be. for instance he started out class by saying when we're kids we think we can do anything...literally. we'll see a painting and we'll say "i can do that" or we see a performance and say "i could do that better"...etc etc. i remember thinking this way as a kid and my grandmother wanting to backhand me at the detroit institute of art because i thought i could do half of the paintings and sculptures there.
somewhere down the line we start to listen to those that say we can't...that we won't and will never be able to do a, b and c...mr. gleason said we have to get that empowerment back...at that moment i fell in love with a 74 year old man lol.
he doesn't believe in acting classes...he says for the most part actors sit in the classes and listen as the acting coach 'prescribes' how to conquer a scene to one person...everyone in the class tries to take the same prescription and kills the whole scene. it made sense...he also mentioned that acting is a natural ability that we all can do...it's just certain people have this magnetism...this power to 'gather' an audience into their world...invite them into this whole energy swapping phenomenon and it was all flippin brilliant i say!
i was the first to go up and 'gather' the class into my being...i sucked. he didn't give any kind of direction as to what he was looking for so i got to be the guinea pig but i learned...
i've always thought good acting was subtle...casual, but he says it's just when you relax and own your presence...i love that it makes sense and it's stuff i used to think of as a kid. (man i was brilliant!)
he discussed how we're socially prodded into down playing our greatness...the man totally made my night.
i'm exhausted as heck. the workshop was supposed to end at 9 but we didn't get out of there until 9:45...lol. i hurt.
point of all of this? i'm happy i found some one who validates the way i've always thought of acting. it's practiced, honed and perfected by living and breathing...watching people, going to museums, watching films...tapping into life and being present...always.
he asked if i'd still be in los angeles when he returned (whenever that will be) and the crazy part was i think he was serious. lol apparently my blogs have a defeatist nature. (guess i have to work on the "it's hard BUT"s ) this life may be hard as heck BUT it's all i know. i seriously have NO idea what i would do, where i would go if i wasn't out here trying to act. i think about acting 24/7...everything relates to it in some odd way. it was a good question. i needed to speak the words, "i'm not going anywhere" outloud...needed to put it out there.
i've had lots of information thrown at me this weekend and i'm in the process of memorizing this dang monologue. due to the overload writing and thinking aren't really my specialities but one thing from yesterday did stick with me. at one point my friend was networking scripts with another ku alumni and said "i'm kind of a big deal. google me." and my jaw dropped lol not because of the unintended ego blowing up and out lol but by his matter of fact attitude about his talents and accomplishments. i can't wait for the day when i've not only accomplished what i came out here to, but have the confidence to embrace all that hard work and humbly say, "google me". lol
i do love to write though. maybe i’ll see if there’s a book somewhere in my random rantings…who knows. i’ll research that tonight ; )
random bits of goody for you: my hair is uncharacteristically frizzy today (i feel like the bride of frankenstein without the cool highlight job) and i’m thinking my shoes don’t really match what i’ve got going on today but i’m at work so there’s nothing i can do about this. my biggest fear is turning into the weird old women that i work with who wear socks and sandals. someone a very long time ago told them this was ok and they desperately hung on to the cool...or they’re even more gangsta and just don’t care because they’re comfortable. i feel like i kinda resemble a ‘cat lady’ today. this is not good. at least i fit in at the watering hole at work!
random bit #2: no one is talking about the debates here. i think it’s an la thing…ryan seacrest had anderson cooper on his program this morning…anderson was going on about the debate and different talking points when ryan interrupts him and asks him what he thinks about lauren conrad from the hills…i wonder if any other los angeles folks are perplexed by the common apathies around these here parts. i mean jeez louise…i didn’t pay much attention to campaigns from years past; just enough to get by but this is so flippin huge! WHO CARES IF LC IS LEAVING THE HILLS AND SPEIDI HAS A FLIPPIN PHANTOM!!!
random last bit: i just found out that this acting class i’ll be doing next week requires a monologue so i’m going to memorize this short piece about this chick who hates dating…art imitates life i always say! i’ve decided i hate memorizing this stuff because it has no purpose lol. i mean yes, i’ll use it for a class but then it just goes away…it’s like it never existed, i never created it. i can’t WAIT until i get a real role in front of a camera…something that will leave a permanent mark in cinema…ahhh now THAT’S a dream i can stick with.
I don’t know if age is the culprit for my love of fashion shows and labels way beyond my world but I’ve developed some “secret single behavior” of my own that includes going to the Times, clicking on the fashion & style section and getting lost in slideshow after slideshow of fancy schmancy catwalks featuring stick figures in pretty clothes.
It’s really girly and almost embarrassing to write but I have actually found my future oscars dress if someone else doesn’t come and snatch that puppy up.
I was kind of giddy to even see something that made me dream in such detail…usually I can only think of my speech lol And while I do not currently have a boyfriend/fiancé I have found my beach wedding dress as well. Lol… could this be fatigue setting in?!?!
There is definitely a Tishy that loathes such thoughts but then I’m kind of amused that my dreams sometimes take specific shapes. It makes them feel more real to me in a sense. If finding dresses for future milestone moments is happenin' the so be it. I’m just gonna go with the flow and allow my dreams to please…so bring on the chanel!
on saturday b and i roped in a friend from work to join us in vegas. i needed a weekend away. away from stress in all its nasty little shapes and forms...and i got just that.
we actually stayed off the strip this time and although we were ready to dress up and let loose we ended up going back to our girl's house for fried catfish, drinks and friend time.
mr new york (aka thomas crown) was in town and although i was scared out of my mind that our dating drama would pop up and get awkward as heck we managed to keep it cool and friendly with no expectations of anything new starting up.
i did finally get to introduce him to b which is funny. i forget she doesn't know all these folks i travel to see...my life pre los angeles. the three of us had dinner and hung out for awhile discussing politics and club etiquette lol...among other things and just had a nice time. ny and his partner in crime actually came to the house and hung out with us for a couple of hours. there's nothing like sittin around with folks listening to music from way back in the day (some james brown & otis made the cut) and dancing like dorks until the point of pass out.
i had a lovely time and got a bit sad on the four hour trek home but the tiny bit of sad was worth it...laughing is so important to battling the blues. so important when battling unsettled romantic entanglements and definitely important to my sanity overall. lol
maybe it's not vegas at all that i crave...maybe it's being thrown into an unknown space where anything and everything is acceptable and still finding out your friends are the real genuine sources of joy.
because of that mishap running ain't so easy for this sista girl anymore...i have to load up on mad energy to make any kind of progress on mileage which means me and morning runs don't really work out.
i had a really rough week though. the kind of week that demanded some sort of release and since i was still in a blah lazy mood last night my body demanded i wake at 6:30 this morning and run. no breakfast...no nada to fuel me for what my brain desperately needed but somehow i did it. i ran a mile and some and then walked through my neighborhood for another half an hour or so...i ran on everything that's been pent up in side, everything that's been scaring me and bothering me and causing me to shrivel up inside of myself.
i can't guarantee that i can do this kind of thing every time...heck i only went a mile which a lot of folks would laugh at me for (ONLY a mile tish? try 20!) but the thing is i have an outlet and my brain wills me towards that outlet when it knows i'm about to go on a serious time out.
i needed to move. i needed to see my neighborhood, feel the fall's creep moving in (my ears actually went cold. i was so excited) and definitely needed to purge all the worries out thru my pores.
in a bit i'll finish packing for a short trip to vegas. b and another one of my lady friends, g , will be accompanying me for a night of getting dolled up and dancing. more lovely cardio to help generate some endorphins. gotta love it.
i have a knack for dreams...i dream stuff about people and the dreams have an uncanny sense of coming true. last sunday i dreamed my ex (aka the big love) was engaged so i wrote him today just to see how he's been doing and told him about the dream. he wrote back that my dream was weird because he just got engaged...
my whole world stopped. this is the part where the camera zooms in on the main character symbolizing the protagonist's world crushing in around them. i'm imploding right now!
does anyone else have regret in human form? well i do and it's not a good thing...i broke with this guy because he refused to budge on moving to los angeles with me...figured that meant he didnt' love me enough and packed my bags. over the years we've always kept in touch...i think that happened because secretly i always thought he'd come around. now that he's moved on in the most important kind of way i see just how important my move out here really was.
i left marriage...i left a possible family...i left my big love at home and now more than ever this acting dream needs to work. i'm yelling this out to the universe!!!! PLEASE work! i dreamed about my ex's life and it was true...maybe my dream about being at the oscars could be true too?...!!!
i can't have this regret swimming around in my heart.
j just called and reminded me that the ex, who is an architect, made me these horribly ugly sketches once as a gift lol...i loathed them...she brought this up to remind me that no self respecting tish could be with a guy that could produce that and expect me to love it lol...i'm laughing through my tears...friends are really saving my arse this year folks! you have no clue!!!
please God...hear my prayers:
i give my hard work over to your highest self. i know that all of this is working and is being directed for my highest good...amen!
the main cast of women did this movie for free too...
that's huge..that's momentous...it proves just how dear this story was to each one of them and how much they believed in the other talent on board. they shot the entire thing in 34 days too...
i saw all of this to hit home the fact, once again, that EVERYONE should see this movie.
ok i'm done. AND watch the presidential debate tonight : ) ok really done.
it's moving, brought me to tears many a time and was only 110 minutes lol...i don't know about ya'll but i love short & sweet flicks.
the cool thing though was the fact that the director and screen writer stayed for a brief q & a session. the woman up on the stage asking questions asked her everything i had prepared (and then some) so i felt like i had lost when they announced questions were over.
i cried a tiny bit inside as people rushed down to the stage for a chance to talk to gina as i quietly walked out. i knew she had left her film premiere in order to come and i felt bad...defeated i was but i saw her driver outside and got up the nerve to leave one of my acting business cards...i asked him politely and desperately to please hand it to her...i prayed that he would...and then prayed that she would actually keep it.
she sat on that stage and spoke about how she helped each actress give the kind of performances i dream of giving...if i could work with a director like that some day...sigh. i'd be a very happy girl.
so cross your fingers that random acts of pushiness, desperation and hope can stretch to eyes and brain of mrs prince-bythewood...and go check out the movie on october 17th. i promise you won't be disappointed.
p.s. bring tissue.
Labels: movie critic
one of my best buds flew in from kansas city and was gone in the blink of an eye. i feel like it was a dream she was even here in the first place.
i tried desperately to keep her visit as normal and chill as possible so we'd have goobers of time to sit and soak up our time to play and it STILL flew by in a flash. now i'm sitting here laughing because the minute she left life went back to my normal ho hum...i had to do laundry, my head shots came in the mail, i got a bracelet replaced...i'm printing out questions to ask gina prince-bythewood at a special viewing of 'the secret life of bees'. i wish i could share this kind of stuff with j...i wish we still lived 10 minutes apart like we did as kids...i wish we had the luxury of taking our proximity for granted...but alas...it takes serious cash and a rather large airplane to make any kind of magic happen.
is there some secret law of time i'm missin' here? why do the really fun times do that? while my boring days at work drag on and on...and on...
the mysteries of life and fun. sigh...
any one have a cure for the best bud blues?
Labels: friends rock
the chick talks about all of this uber personal stuff including her ever looming neuroses and it's flippin refreshing as heck. i recommend everyone check her out. it's been a long time since i've heard someone sing their own truth...bluntly.
(i must mention she is definitely a 'fem-mc' so if you're not into hip hop...ya may not develop a jones for the lady) i won't cry if you don't. don't worry.
on the acting front i found someone that hooked me up with acting break downs for the industry...the big tv shows, new pilots and feature films...yes i felt like a pimp today. i wrote my agent and asked if it would be alright for me to go through these lists, pick out which ones i'm interested in auditioning for and politely send to him so he can throw my name in the mix. i'm crossing my fingers. he's a commercial agent which means i go on silly auditions for commercials and other lame crap but i'm hoping he still has the power to weazel his way into anything i need him to. if not i'll be shopping for a new agent which bites the big one because you have to have work in order to get an agent....you can't work without an agent though...lol is anyone else suffering from spinning head syndrome?
wish me luck. please please please cross your fingers...pray, think good thoughts about your dear friend tishy...do something that helps my karma. i promise if something great happens i'll come back to you and give you mad hugs and kisses...possibly a secret nod on camera that you and i have discussed beforehand.
i can't wait for the day when i'm NOT sitting in a conference room discussing healthcare issues i know not a darn thing about and doodling pictures of eyeballs crying...you think i'm joking?!