a love bigger than me

9.30.2008
Eight years ago I saw the most beautiful little girl come into this world and my life changed like I never thought it could.

First of all I used to be scared out of my mind that I would be a terrible mom…guess God could smell my fear. He made me a Godmommy instead so I could practice and see :)

I can remember being with my girl britt throughout her pregnancy and how scared and excited I was rushing from KU (I flew out my dorm room and was off) to the hospital 45 minutes away…She was born and I was the first to hold her and she looked up at me and I swear she knew exactly who I was. I fell deep for the little bundle in my arms.

“My child” as I call her wants to go to KU some day, she wants to be a writer (you know that one made my heart spill over with pride) and she’s as sweet as a spring day. Our lives mirror each other in a really eery way so I feel even more privileged and honored to be her Godmom.

One time when she was little she tried to shorten my name (I shortened my mom’s name to Mo so this made sense to me…) and called me “god” lol…Nothing’s changed…she amused me to no end when she was a baby and she continues to do so now.

Days like today make living so far away hard but maybe that’s a good thing for her lol…Who would want some older lady hovering over you all day kissin and huggin you in an embarrassing way? Yes, I’ve become THAT woman.

Happy Birthday W.S.M.P. lol (still mad at your mother for all those gosh darn names) You’re loved to the infinite power.

two geeks in a bubble

9.28.2008
did you ever hear the joke about the two geeks in a bubble? probably not cuz there isn't one...lol it's just how i'd describe b (aka wifey) and i when we hang out. yes my friends...i have taken a wifey. why i never called her that before i know not but that she is.

so yeah...we're geeks and we exist in a bubble when you get us in the same room together.

i swear up and down the two of us should have a reality tv show...we're just not normal i say and i LIVE for that ish! i think everyone should have a friend that can make any place consistently great. it doesn't matter where we go or who we're hanging out with we just plop our sweet selves in our bubble and go to town and it's addictive as heck!

yesterday we went to cost plus to look for some candles and stuff and i just walked up to her and started trying to shimmy wiggle like the folks on dancing with the stars when they do the mambo. a man beside us started busting out laughing...lol. did i mention we're not shy with our geekness? i share this same bubble phenomenon with the other best friend j...i would love to measure our geek meter levels when we're all in the same room together...which funny enough could be measured soon being j is coming to cali this friday!

what what!? yes! triple the kiwi power folks. we're about to set it off!

my girls make me so happy. those without hard core girlfriends are shaking their heads right now lol. they're thinking girls shouldn't come first...boyfriends, husbands, yadda yadda but the beauty of a great girlfriend and/or wifey is they fill those spots in your heart that guys just can't really squeeze into. we always need a friend to decipher men's martian behaviors...need someone to relate to our girlie ways and hold our hands in chick flicks because they know instinctively when we're going to lose it...someone that gets all of it without explanations or head scratches.

yesterday b and i battled crappy waitors, rude movie watchers and seeing the actor guy that lied to me about being married lol...and we still fell asleep laughing our butts off...it's like charlotte said in an episode of sex and the city...girls are the soul mates and guys are just the great folks that may or may not come into the picture. (when they do they join in on the wedding dance like j's husband did to us at their wedding.)

i LIVE for adventures in the bubble. i hope you my darling blog friends have bubble friends too :)

a hot water test

9.26.2008
I’m the queen of worrying, freaking out, being extra if you will…heck I’ve made an art form out of my ability to stress but today I can not do this.

The economy is scary as heck right now. Last night I sat with b and her sis cutting out images for an art project and discussed the state of our world as we know it. b said the now cliché statement, “be thankful you have a job” and I knocked ever so delicately on her dining room table and moved on to grey’s anatomy banter.

I should have knocked harder.

Today I came into work and a crowd was standing near my desk. My one homie that I talk to quite often told me to look at my email…that’s never good my friends. I did…and there in bold were the words I would have dreaded if I would have ever even considered it to be a possibility…my boss, my life force and sanity shaker in this department is bailing.

Talk about your heart dropping down.

I immediately cried, started freaking about my job security (whenever a boss leaves in such a manner it’s never good for the dept that’s left behind.) and froze…shut down. went bye bye.

It couldn’t last long though. At the end of the day I’m all I have and I’m the only one looking out for my belly and bank account so I started my job search…I’ve sent about thirty jobs to my personal email account. I’m going to find a new job and make it work…I’m not going to freak out and lose control.

I’ll be the first to admit that I believe my life is failing to meet my expectations but like my best bud j always tells me, “sometimes you just have to say the soup is cold and do something about it”.

There’s no time for self pity, there’s no time for one to emotionally freeze…like a tea bag, I’m about to show my true flavor now that I’ve been put in some hot water.

1 of many god years

9.24.2008
"Every woman is every other woman trying to figure out who she is."-Nana Korantemaa.

it seems like such a simple task...learning who you are. you'd think you could just sit down with yourself for a couple of hours and then, like magic you have a a total"voila/eureka!" moment. you suddenly know exactly who and what to present to the world but alas it ain't that way...

if it were, oprah would be out of business cuz i swear she dedicates at least one show a week to schoolin' the public on how you never really figure it out until you're 50, fabulous and a billionaire. go figure.

maybe it's like "god years" or something...1 day of learning who you are is the equivalent of 5 years or what not. maybe i'm merely 5 years old in the world of 'knowing who you are". lol...it now makes perfect sense.

this week i'm not much for action and that bothers me a bit so i made sure to get on the internet last night and order some new headshots. today i made sure to become a member of a los angeles group out here called "women in film". it cost a pretty penny and i might be out of my league a bit but the web site said it's for mentoring too so hey...why not go sit amongst the chanel-privileged and mingle...plop some pleasant inexperienced tishy in front of professional genius...who knows.

i do admit that i have to get back into classes again. that's the next charge after i pay off the membership and head shots : )

i don't know how else to write that i'm lost, walking around blindly out here. why didn't langston write about this? i mean i understand the whole "dream deferred" nightmare...i went after my dream. i moved to la. no regrets. now where in the poem does it mention a dream missed due to industry ignorance?

small tiny baby iddy biddy steps at a time i guess.

don't eat carbs...take some classes...find a casting couch and lay down! (just kidding!)...and most importantly, hope that gram, best friends and mom are right...that a day will come where all of this hard stuff that's severely kicking my arse can be looked at as worth it.





and the beat goes on

9.21.2008
without fail i always come around for awards shows...

i always cry... 

i always sigh wishing it were me...

the hope always returns...

the confidence that it'll be me some day creeps in...

so i will always love watching them...until i'm one day actually there. 

i feel fortunate that i recognize my ability to bounce back to my dream's hope.

like a heart defibrillator i get a jolt and suddenly life starts pumpin through my veins again. i come alive.


dancing in the chill

i find it almost embarrassing that i can swing so high emotionally and fall so hard the next day. my incessant self-nagging voice was getting the better of me at the beginning of the week...feeling trapped and hopeless about my current career, the career i want and life in general led to some late night tears and some bummer blues i sadly carried with me through out the days.

lucky for me running totally works at erasing the blues. i don't know if i lose the sad thoughts or if the endorphins i pump out cover them up but they fade. that's a good thing but i feel bad for the two best friends in my life that have to witness those moments...i'm thankful they're standing beside the swinger from hades.

while i'm not in the mood to go down the specifics of why the blues follow i did have to put it out there for my friends that i'm aware of the crazy...and thus i write my gratitude.

swing high time...today is a good day. a good sunday. i watched the rachel zoe (spelling?) project and the coco chanel movie yesterday so last night i dreamed of fashion and had the most lovely of dreams. i may be a huge fashion mishap (tomboy for realz) but i love LOVE LOVE! looking at pretty things. heck i was named after chanel...oddly enough, so whether i rock the chucks or not my heart will skip a beat if i see some beautiful piece from the fashion world. did anyone know coco created THE little black dress?...sad story actually. i really do recommend watching or reading the story of coco. she was pretty flippin amazing and had this feisty strength that is mesmorizing...the ability to recognize men's bull crap and place in her world, when to give in and when to run away fast...and most importantly, focus on her dreams with a determination i can admire.

so yeah the dreams were great...i think good dreams are great ways to start out the day personally. i woke up, put my wild hair in a pony tail, thru on the chucks and headed down the street to starbucks for the new oatmeal they started dishing up (oatmeal with dried fruits and pecans is yummy to my tummy) and some unsweetened green tea...mmm now, with laptop on legs, i sit on my living room chair, sunshine hitting my face writing this blog and watching oprah...these are the little blessings that keep me sane.

i plan to watch a couple more episodes (i hardly ever watch tele during the week now) read some jane eyre and then work some more on an art project i've been giddy over for a while now. maybe get b involved with some of the art stuff this evening...who knows...sundays are all about doing whatever...just dancing in the chill.




citizens for marriage

9.15.2008
is it possible that i wrote too soon?

while my weekend date may have started off on a good foot it went drastically downhill shortly after i wrote that darn last blog. friends what you are about to read should be considered a date worthy of going down in the books as one of my worst dates ever...

dramatic pause.

so without sensationalizing the events i can tell you with utmost honesty that this guy tried EVERYTHING in his power to show me i was merely boo boo on his shoe.

list of boo boo's in question:

#1. he made me drive. not only did i drive the three hours down to san diego but he gave me the honor of driving him around for hours in diego. i calculated that i drove 87 miles that day with him. driving included our site seeing and a visit to his buddy's house so that his bud could talk disrespectfully about a woman. nice...

#2. i told him i'm a morning person but would try to sleep in so he wouldn't be up a the crack of dawn...i also told him i get hungry quickly after waking up...ole boy didn't 'feel' hungry until noon. i ate breakfast around 1:30 pm. i understand we're on different schedules but do you understand what it means to be a good host? respectful? AND i'm hypoglycemic dang it.

#3. all morning, through all of the drive to the breakfast joint, all the time waiting to be seated and while seated at restaurant boy talked on phone with buddies about football. (i love football...love the stuff but i think it becomes a lame obsession and personal defect when it gets in the way of basic social interactions) every time he would ask me a question and i'd begin to answer he'd say "hold on one sec" and take a call. WHAT $@#$I@)+!!!

#4. breakfast check comes...he sits there and looks at me. oh my bad! i'm paying? i didn't realize...let me get that for you dear sir. yes...i paid. he said a meek thank you as we were leaving...while he was on the phone with his bud.

#5. we agreed to watch the usc game but this meant going up to his training facility with one of his pals...me watching the game and texting friends ridiculously because i was appauled...he played ping pong with his boy for three hours...got me some free food from his cafeteria (that i believe gave me food poisoning).

#6. talked to him about his behavior later in the night...he gave me some lame excuse about how if he talks about himself and opens up the girl will want to conform and become the person he wants in his life...so he doesn't. hmmm...where do i find these kinds of head cases?!

#7. i leave early in the morning. i text him when i get home saying i made it safe...no response.

and i'm done! lol...now picture if you will me at a podium...political thumb hand motion as i say the following:

7 boo boos that help the cause... 7 boo boos that stir tish to change and help her decide once and for all that she knows what she wants, that ain't it and she's not going to take it anymore!!!

this message has been approved by the citizens of marriage. i'm an intelligent girl but my dating adventures have been far from smart...all this practice betta make nice! i'm trying to find something great in a sea full of blah....God help me.

saturday in san diego

9.13.2008
dating chronicles part 2 are about to commence but first, a message from your sponsor.

i just read my girlie friend vikk's blog and my darling friend is pregnant and is glowing. does anyone else just feel like the world's a better place because of women in their early pregnancies? (the end usually means waddling and uncomfortable pangs of pain but i digress) something about seeing her just made my morning...and i've been watching great football!

funny i bring up pregnancy because this is a dating post...usually pregnancy talk shouldn't find it's way into such discussions but i'm wild and crazy like that so it's all good. 

so i'm in san diego on a date for the weekend lol. you have weekend dates when the guy is long distance. i'm visiting mr olympics and we're having a hootin' good time chillin, watching football, laughing at the guy who just threw up bile because he was hit so hard...it's nice and lovely. it's so weird but i feel that lately i've tried to find myself in the guys i date...having a hard time with that one my friends. so different...have NO idea what i need, should look for. like christina from woody allen's movie, "i don't know what i want...i just know what i don't want". lol...sigh. maybe i should let my friends pick for me. hmmm...that could be a fun game.

i've been single for a substantial time and now dating is starting back up again. the coming year should be really interesting...plenty of entertainment for ya'll that are hunkered down with spouses. lol...blogs don't help with game at all by the way. 

details aside, tishy's dating again!!! ahhh


winds of yesterday

9.11.2008
today was such a calm day...it was void of stress...slow... exactly what i needed considering today was the day that forces you to look at the past and remember.

i wrote my college roommates this morning and told them i was thinking about them. they were the girls that sat with me and talked all night long the day the attacks happened...we remembered where we were...i could remember who all i called and emailed that day...what i said, how i was feeling...all the tears of confusion i cried. we made sure to tell each other how much we loved

such a sad book marker we all possess.

i was walking to my work cafeteria and i felt this cold breeze that instantly took me back in time. a bunch of past memories involving feeling the first breezes of fall came rushing back at me, childhood, teen years...college years all came rushing back and i started to tear up. those memories, good and bad, are what keep me grounded. they remind me how far i've come, how rich, how topsy turvey my life has been...all of which has made me the crazy person i am.

this weekend i head to san diego...land of infinite cooler breezes (at least in comparison to los angeles). the winds of change are blowin' once again.


below the belt

9.10.2008
so we all know election time gets nasty...i just erase my republican friends' emails...don't even read the mess but today i received an apology for myself and my mother from a friend of the family...which obviously made me want to hunt down the original email and read it. it was racist...was making fun of barack obama's mom, whatever whatever i can deal with emails like that...what i can't take is getting them from folks that have known me my whole life and who i consider to be like family.

i called my mom crying because that's what i do and she made it all better...applauded my civil response and sent me along my way.

racism aside does anyone else feel like this campain period is getting to be too much? why can't people stick to the political issues...why are we so focused on who's a pig with lipstick, who's preacher said what, blah blah blah...why why why?!

i want them to stick to the boring issues lol...i want the debates to put me to sleep...i want to hear stuff about the budget, giving precise facts like i used to hear in my debate class. i want them to stick to the issues because all the stuff involving baby mama's, skin color, gender bashing, etc is getting a bit old. maybe ask the question wwwd. (what would washington do) would washington have sat there and lied through his wooden teeth about so and so's baby mama drama with slave #2? i think not.

all of this back and forth is below the belt...and i don't wanna take it anymore!

this is what uncertainty leads to

9.09.2008
ok so here's what's going through my brain:

i should have ran more...i can't stand to sit here and think i've done absolutely nothing for acting.

what i'm mentally writing down:

get your company to flippin reimburse you for the business trip they forced you to go on. once you do this, buy your flippin plane ticket back home for christmas (or your mother will never let you hear the end of it.) wait another month to actually pay off said ticket and then charge your headshots and acting classes on the damn card. (yes my plane ticket is stupid expensive unfortunately)

now...here's my dilemma. family is supposed to come first but in this case i wish it wouldn't (is that terrible?) what am i doing out here if i'm not acting?! my job is killing me. every day after work i have to push myself to the limits, sweat my brains out just to feel something for that day...that's why i run...because i'd be a walking zombie if i didn't. so i buy a ridiculous plane ticket home...and then wait another 2 months before i can get in a class.

i have to sign back up for extra work. it's a good way to work towards a sag card...although i have no idea why i'd want one at this point. i just don't know any different.

i have to stop looking at other people who are working steadily as actors. for some reason i'm missing the hustle gene and i wasn't born to parents who support such things...financially or emotionally for the most part. i don't know clever ways in...i don't know where to go, where to start, who to start with...i don't know and that's about to make my head pop off. i literally have to go to bed early tonight or i think i'll lose it.

if you happen to read this blog by accident and you're curious as to what life is like for the uncertain, now you know. uncertainty can stifle life in the worst of ways, morph every situation into an unfair comparison and devour hope like you wouldn't believe. uncertainty causes my personal demons to dance about. they play with my emotions and chain me to this mentality that i'll be lost forever...and they're doing it while drinking red bull and mountain dew.

i need help from someone. i don't know what to ask for other than help me get my foot in the door...tell me what to do and i'll do it.

lol. i think it's time for bed.

see line woman

9.08.2008
Call it disloyalty but I’ve never been down for an artist to the point where I’d buy every album just cuz…none. Not one…accept for nina simone. The woman’s voice enchants me like no other so you can imagine the hearts that bubbled up from my head when I saw starbucks had released some of her music. Sigh…

I’ve been listening to “I want a little sugar in my bowel” on loop. It’ll be the mischievous undercurrent of my mood today.

It’s Monday and I’ve already had my coffee for the day to make sure I don’t crash and burn. Monday’s are rocky but today I’m dealing with grief and sadness. My kiwi power is doing some weird stuff. I can’t find my green day planner that is my world…and I picked up my green prosperity bracelet this morning and it broke in my hands…jade pieces went every where. My lip trembled, my heat bled.

What does it all mean man?!

Why didn’t our parents warn us that life in general was dismal and blah? That office jobs involving cubicles are the devil in spatial architectural form? That you ain’t got a thing if you don’t have that swing (I don’t have the swing dang it!) why!?.......

sweat does a body good

9.07.2008
while writing is usually my therapy of choice, it wasn't doing a dang thing for me yesterday...as you could probably tell.

as soon as i hit the post tab i through on some work out clothes and went out to run my butt off...and it felt good. the more i sweat, the less angry i felt. i ran for a good 10 minutes hard core on the treadmill before even realizing i had been running...and then walked my butt off for another half hour...did some crunches on a ball...drenched myself out of my funk. ahhhh

decided sweat rocked and got up early this morning to do it again. i about killed myself up in runyan canyon, this uber crazy trail in the hollywood hills. my girl e pushed me to the levels of insanity and i felt better for it. after we dined at a cute little breakfast nook on sunset called aroma, went and watched "dark knight" (ole girl still hadn't seen it yet!) bought some frames for my room and her new place, i called it a good day : )

now i'm watching football (go colts!) and feeling like i'm gonna sleep pretty darn nice tonight.

please remind me of this euphoric splendor the next time i try to talk myself out of sweat time.



life rut

9.06.2008
warning: you're in for a rant...

it doesn't matter how good my day started out. doesn't matter that i woke up and had a delightful morning in pasadena. i scoped out a new restaurant i wanna take my girl j to when she comes to visit...doesn't matter that i got to listen to three really entertaining and interesting stories on npr about things i would have never known about otherwise...doesn't even matter that i spent some time at that cute little british coffee shop in my neighborhood drinking some blended thing...

all of that was wiped to smithereens...all because of a baby shower.

yes my friends. i know every one, well men anyways, assume girls live for those things but if you don't or never have had a kid, if you're not married, heck if you're not dating all a baby shower does is remind you even more that you're indeed an L 7. so you kind of loathe them...no matter how much you love the lady with the bump and the daddy to be...you still hate the stupid things.

well at least i do. i'm getting so grouchy because i wasted my whole day at one. i was supposed to go hiking and work off the crap i've been dealing with from that gnarly audition and because i knew i was going hiking i ate the food at that party...drank my 500 calorie whatever drink at the british coffee shop...and then the party ended as the sun went down...no hike. no running period because i'm a girl and we're not supposed to do that kind of thing in the valley. stick with the fat kid...

right about now i wish i was married...and not just due to the baby shower..i need to marry a plastic surgeon that can suck the fat right out and make me happy...it's called a life rut. i'm in a life rut.


abs of shame

9.05.2008
why do my agents hate me?

my modeling agent called last night...told me she had an audition for me. all i needed to do was wear fitness gear (check) and know how to jump rope (um...check) so today i go to work and do my thing for a couple of hours, then leave for the audition (which requires a fast change in one of the women's bathroom stalls at work). i get there and i think everything's cool...i'm looking around, see an ab machine off to one side...i'm looking for the jump ropes...nada.

a casting guy comes out of a little room and asks for "trish"...hmmm

i walk in (bubbly as can be) and he starts to walk me through what he's about to do...he'll take a body shot, then a head shot, and then two 'fitness' shots...so i stand ready for him to click and he says "ok show your abs"...sigh.

i don't know if you all knew but i've had the darndest time trying to stay on a fitness regime...can't eat right to save my soul (i'm the fattest skinny girl you'll ever meet) so (humiliated) i lift up my shirt (no 4 pack there i'm afraid!) and then he asks me to "crunch my ab muscles" sigh..if i push out he'll see my bloated belly because i've just inhaled chicken fingers and fries 5 minutes before leaving work so that i'd have the energy to jump rope...i suck in because i've basically just failed anyway...he should have known i wasn't what he was looking for and let me keep my dignity.

i sucked in, left my pride at the door and walked out, head down. i felt like julia roberts after leaving the snotty store. why would my agent set me up for such a thing?! the other girls in the room were frickin tall, lean and muscular as heck...think pole vaulters, olympic games 2008.

my agent has a sick sense of humor... i don't even know if i can write her and tell her not to send me on anymore of those damn things...ugh. i skipped dinner tonight. :(

happy audition day tishy. this is not what i envisioned as a kid.

note...the chicks and men you see in infomercials that have used some lame product for 4 days and can already see results are LYING! they're new york/la demon children of the gyms. don't drink the gatorade people!


gratitude...kiwi style

9.03.2008
my gram has been harping on me lately to stop swimming in the pools of sad stuff and focus on the good. she's a smart lady and i respect her advice...we'll see if this blog can show her that i hear her...loud and clear ; )

so i hate it that in order to be thankful for something we, as humans, have to first see how worse off we could be...thus having something awful to compare our now-realized ok life to. i know it's human nature...i know that we'll think no different of our circumstances (whether they're worthy of suffering or gratitude) unless prompted by some outside force but it kinda sucks nonetheless.

the reason i bring all of this up is because i've just spent the last hour kicking myself for my recent mind hiccups. here i am watching the story unfold of chris gardner, the guy will smith portrays in "pursuit of happyness" and i'm upset because my dream isn't laying out perfectly at my feet...while i have a job, a car, family and friends...an agent, a head on my shoulders and some upcoming opportunities to learn more about the business of acting. yes, it's difficult at times doing this with indifferent parents, a bad job that pays well (they're the worst! lol), no clear direction as to what will help me break into the business, etc. BUT i have a dream and possibility...isn't that all we really ever need?

so i feel guilty for the past couple of weeks. i was having a hard time being grateful...really seeing that which i should be grateful for but now, with the help of something that my dream is made from (a good damn film) i see.

so i get it gram : ) thank you and i love ya. here's my list for the day:

1.) today, 9 years ago, a boy proposed. i am grateful that it happened...all of it including the break up. i learned to love and not settle for something i was unsure of. i learned from mistakes and grew as a person...couldn't ask for more.

2.) grateful for friends...especially the ones that help me out of pickles. thanks j!

3.) grateful for my job...stress and all...because of which i will be able to afford (i think!) a women in film forum i really want to go to in november.

4.) grateful i read virginia woolf...i quoted her in a birthday card to explain the purpose of my gifts...it's all about the thought behind the bow if you ask me.

5.) and most of all, today, i'm grateful my mind was open and i was able to really listen to my gram, listen to the message that film gave me and listen to my heart...there's a reason i weep in a film...when something stirs your soul, trust it's important and worthy of your consideration.

today was a hard day, today was long, today was taxing, but i laughed a lot, had a chance to read over my lunch break (jane eyre is getting good!) and got to wrap a gift with green ribbon...sometimes the sweetest things come in the most unusual of packages.

skyping

9.02.2008
so mr olympics has turned me on to skyping...ya'll may already be on the skype tip but it's new to me and i luv it dawlings!

basically it's this cool thingamajig on the internet that allows you to talk for free to folks no matter where they are. mr olympics is in canada and we had a three way chat with another friend down in san diego. it's uncanny i say!

today's just chalk full of little thrills. my gal pal kumari is in town (think i mentioned that before) and is going to hook me up with some free acting classes next week. lol..the girl lives here for less than a week and she's already hippin me to the acting game! i'm going to introduce her to b, who has substantial knowledge of the dance world--being that she used to be married into it and we'll have a ball. i think we'll get pizza. when i first moved to la an acting bud friend jeff took me out for coffee and paid...gave me some ins and outs and sent me along my way. it's time to pay it forward. : )

so yeah...skyping with a guy that makes my cheeks hurt and good buds coming to la on a permanent basis made for a pretty darn good day.

(plus j is coming to visit with her hubby soon...)

sigh...it just doesn't get any betta

some hard kiwi power

9.01.2008
back in the day i was a fitness nut. i rocked the four pack, ran 3 miles a day and was an overall happy person (all those endorphins and all) but college came and went and i found a new love in the form of chocolate (used to hate the stuff) which brings me to the tish of today.

i have what some would call "chronic laziness"...and when i get sad or upset about anything i immediately eat because i figure why not mess up one more "asspect" of my life. : ) i'm kind of over the feeling gross, huffin up stairs, hand me another brownie mentality though. i think finding some kind of physical outlet, even though i rocked it out back in the day, will prove quite hard for me though since i'm the most creative lazy person ever BUT kiwi power always prevails and this morning was a perfect example of that mess.

i wanted to hike this weekend but my weekend guest wasn't too down for such shenanigans so i waited for her butt to leave and made plans with my lazy self that if i were to wake up early (like i usually do) i had to go hiking. so this morning, like clockwork, i woke up at 6:30 am.

i grabbed a protein shake (thank GOD!), my camera (i was feeling artistic) and my ipod and headed out.

it all started out just fine and dandy. i knew the hike would kill me a little bit since i haven't walked its paths since november but kiwi power popped up in the most unusual way and made sure i had the work out from hell. so i had my damn camera...and was snappin, snap snappin away. did my picture thing and then decided i'd run the last stretch of the hike...had some great music going (missy elliott's "sock it to me" is the perfect work out tune by the way)...got down to the end of the hike...started to enjoy the residential neighborhood...reached in my hoodie's pocket for some kleenex and realized my camera case (with car key) was no longer there...GULP.

i almost went into hysterics. here i am sweating buckets...i've just pushed myself to my lazy butt limits and i now have to go back up the damn hill and search for this damn kiwi-colored camera case...kiwi power is jacked up.

i head back up the hill, wheezing and stopping because my legs feel like gumby lol...people are shaking their heads at me like i've just started the hike and am already that out of breath while others that recognized my lime green kansas t-shirt previously applaud me for going back up (yeah right)...i ask everyone that passes by and realize i'm the only person in the whole frickin universe that actually pays attention to nature as i walk...i mean why would you not notice a flippin kiwi camera case?! i round the first bend, the second, the third...start walking backwards to give my leg muscles a break and decide kiwi power has an ugly sense of humor...the things i do for the green. sigh...

i finally get to this one little flat area where people stop to look at the view and there on a lovely bench is my camera case (some lovely thoughtful person set it there for me) i jump for joy (after grabbing some agua from the fountain) and thank the big guy upstairs for sparing me the horrific act of walking back up that nasty path once more...i did about a third of it instead of the whole.

i walked back down (no more running because by now my hip bones are screaming for less switching, my toes are rubbin up against each other and blistering and my lungs are whistling) with my camera case firmly in my damn hand. :)

my second time back down the hill i saw this adorably petite woman with a full head of jet black hair walking her dog and just started cussing that someone just completing that hike could still look so pretty and put together (in chucks mind you! ouch for the feet!) then i saw her dang face...sunglasses can't hide it i'm afraid...it was flippin lucy lui! i thought about being cool and just walking past without a peep but i'm not a cool chick) i smile and say "i love you"...realize this might come off as a bit awkward and scary and so follow it up with "good luck with your new tv show" to which she lights up and says "oh thank you so much"...i then pass her perfect little behind and finish out my walk alone.

kiwi power led me to work it out passed the point of exhaustion and also made it possible for me to see and speak to someone living my dream. i don't know if kiwi power can punish or if that's supposed to be a wake up call, shake, little bit of proof that i'm on the right path (figuratively speaking of course) whatever....i'll let you know what i've come up with once i've caught my breath.

happy labor day.




the trail



up hill battle begins



oh the places you will go



you've gotta be kiddin me



the fit brats that kept me pumpin



the dang up hill crap never ends



finally...down hill






my finish line



you end up in a residential neighborhood



even the rich have mice apparently...this is what i felt like at the "first" end




after the second end



yup



all because of this little frickin kiwi case

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