my gram has been harping on me lately to stop swimming in the pools of sad stuff and focus on the good. she's a smart lady and i respect her advice...we'll see if this blog can show her that i hear her...loud and clear ; )

so i hate it that in order to be thankful for something we, as humans, have to first see how worse off we could be...thus having something awful to compare our now-realized ok life to. i know it's human nature...i know that we'll think no different of our circumstances (whether they're worthy of suffering or gratitude) unless prompted by some outside force but it kinda sucks nonetheless.

the reason i bring all of this up is because i've just spent the last hour kicking myself for my recent mind hiccups. here i am watching the story unfold of chris gardner, the guy will smith portrays in "pursuit of happyness" and i'm upset because my dream isn't laying out perfectly at my feet...while i have a job, a car, family and agent, a head on my shoulders and some upcoming opportunities to learn more about the business of acting. yes, it's difficult at times doing this with indifferent parents, a bad job that pays well (they're the worst! lol), no clear direction as to what will help me break into the business, etc. BUT i have a dream and possibility...isn't that all we really ever need?

so i feel guilty for the past couple of weeks. i was having a hard time being grateful...really seeing that which i should be grateful for but now, with the help of something that my dream is made from (a good damn film) i see.

so i get it gram : ) thank you and i love ya. here's my list for the day:

1.) today, 9 years ago, a boy proposed. i am grateful that it happened...all of it including the break up. i learned to love and not settle for something i was unsure of. i learned from mistakes and grew as a person...couldn't ask for more.

2.) grateful for friends...especially the ones that help me out of pickles. thanks j!

3.) grateful for my job...stress and all...because of which i will be able to afford (i think!) a women in film forum i really want to go to in november.

4.) grateful i read virginia woolf...i quoted her in a birthday card to explain the purpose of my's all about the thought behind the bow if you ask me.

5.) and most of all, today, i'm grateful my mind was open and i was able to really listen to my gram, listen to the message that film gave me and listen to my heart...there's a reason i weep in a film...when something stirs your soul, trust it's important and worthy of your consideration.

today was a hard day, today was long, today was taxing, but i laughed a lot, had a chance to read over my lunch break (jane eyre is getting good!) and got to wrap a gift with green ribbon...sometimes the sweetest things come in the most unusual of packages.


  1. You're so good at having perspective...I really admire you for that.

    Oh, and I'm cracking up at your "bad job that pays well" comment...very well put. I totally hear ya! :)


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