1 of many god years

"Every woman is every other woman trying to figure out who she is."-Nana Korantemaa.

it seems like such a simple task...learning who you are. you'd think you could just sit down with yourself for a couple of hours and then, like magic you have a a total"voila/eureka!" moment. you suddenly know exactly who and what to present to the world but alas it ain't that way...

if it were, oprah would be out of business cuz i swear she dedicates at least one show a week to schoolin' the public on how you never really figure it out until you're 50, fabulous and a billionaire. go figure.

maybe it's like "god years" or something...1 day of learning who you are is the equivalent of 5 years or what not. maybe i'm merely 5 years old in the world of 'knowing who you are". lol...it now makes perfect sense.

this week i'm not much for action and that bothers me a bit so i made sure to get on the internet last night and order some new headshots. today i made sure to become a member of a los angeles group out here called "women in film". it cost a pretty penny and i might be out of my league a bit but the web site said it's for mentoring too so hey...why not go sit amongst the chanel-privileged and mingle...plop some pleasant inexperienced tishy in front of professional genius...who knows.

i do admit that i have to get back into classes again. that's the next charge after i pay off the membership and head shots : )

i don't know how else to write that i'm lost, walking around blindly out here. why didn't langston write about this? i mean i understand the whole "dream deferred" nightmare...i went after my dream. i moved to la. no regrets. now where in the poem does it mention a dream missed due to industry ignorance?

small tiny baby iddy biddy steps at a time i guess.

don't eat carbs...take some classes...find a casting couch and lay down! (just kidding!)...and most importantly, hope that gram, best friends and mom are right...that a day will come where all of this hard stuff that's severely kicking my arse can be looked at as worth it.