sittin' on a secret

8.22.2008
Your girl’s been sittin’ on a secret. I’ve been miserable lately…swimming in the blues like billie holiday on crack.

I notice certain things in my life tend to represent other aspects in weird ways…for instance I’ve been on autopilot: going to work, coming home, going through the motions…just going to keep moving until some purpose or life appreciation decides to join me for the journey. At the same time I’ve done this autopilot thang, I’ve been on a random ipod shuffle kick. I had no urge to listen to anything in particular so I’d just shuffle through songs (like I shuffled through life) looking for something to appreciate…

all the shufflings were random signifiers that I wasn’t in control.

Today I thought about that as I was fumbling through oscar jr trying to find a bobby Caldwell song and it dawned on me that I was seeking something out. It caused me to immediately pick up my phone and call an acting coach I kept meaning to call but never would. Figure sometimes you just have to stop hitting shuffle and just make a decision…

So now I’m on Amy Winehouse, the “Frank” album, and swaying along to something I think I’ve been craving for a while now…the satisfaction from wanting something, going after it and it being exactly what you needed.

It’s little. Maybe my poetic analytical tangents are fluff and fancy but it’s helping me sway and bop through the day so I don’t care. : )

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