a tomboy speaks out

it's time the tomboy spoke.

since i was five i've loathed the dress. something about the open air and panty-spotting potential was just a bit too much for me and i guess i just carried that mentality with me over the years.

it became kinda my schtick if you will...being the token tomboy sidekick that is. i'd kinda hang in the back with my jeans and t shirt and do my thing...work on my personality lol...work on the inner tish but i'm about to let you in on a little secret...i kinda wanna be more girly.

i came to work today in jeans, a t shirt and long johns...lol snazzy, i know, but dude...it's friday, my ankle is killin right now and did i mention it's friday...casual day at work...freedom to just schlump as needed?!!!

i walked in and sat down and a woman walked by and said "wow you're really working the tomboy today". 20 minutes later folks started asking if i was tired. (code for you look like ish) i want to look girlie and comfortable, pretty and uber female. i feel like a giant most days in la and sadly giant doesn't make me feel pretty, oh so pretty i'm afraid. crazy cuz there's tons of tall glamazons walking around in 5 inch stilts that feel they could poop pink...so what does that mean? it means i'm insecure as heck about feeling feminine and i want to know if there's anyone else out there that feels the darn same. i accidentally picked up a vogue magazine and i swear it's girliness is bleeding into my skin...osmosis is a scary process!

the tomboy in me is screaming right now. i shouldn't even be writing about this mess but honest writing prevails and it's eating at me so i have to get it off my chest. i mean i understand my rational:

dress = girl jeans = freak of nature

is a social construct created to keep the woman down (she focuses more on her lip gloss than lip work) but i can't help it...am i wrong? does wanting to be girlie make me a terrible person? i feel like it's wrong to think girl is wrong? is that something else we've been fed?

all i'm saying is i wish i could own my inner girl genuinely...maybe it's a "thing" i have to work on i don't know but i've decided 2008 is gonna be the year of experimenting...i'm gonna get to the bottom of what makes a woman feel like a woman...being the nerd that i am, i'll start with books...any suggestions? lol...opinions...thoughts? ladies?


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