after the audition

2.01.2008
i experience so many emotions the day of an audition. so many in fact that i took today off completely just because i really wanted to prepare as much as i possibly could mentally before going.




i woke up this morning feeling like the tazmanian devil was in my stomach. i woke at 5 am and slept like a crackhead for two more hours and then finally got up and decided to do something productive.



by the time i made it to the audition i was 35 minutes early so i sat in my car and read this book i've began to love (one drop) and then went in 15 minutes early. the good thing was i was the only me there. most of the time i walk in and there are 20 other tish's (hair and all) sitting pretty waiting their turn. this time i was the only racially ambiguous gal in the group so i felt a little better but my nerves were still going crazy. by the time it was my turn in the room (number 34 on the list-a-roo) i was going crazy. i was texting my gal j the whole time. i just needed a presence with me for some reason. i was highly emotional...i just want it so bad! she helped me focus and go over what i needed to do in order to make the audition work for me. i got in there and did my thing...even making a fish face at one point (pisces love). it was fun....very much a cattle call...we were just hearded in and out but i have to trust that if i'm the "it" girl i'm it...and that's just that. (and vice versa but i don't want to think about that right now)



the thing is i leave the auditions feeling great and free and alive but i only get a small window...an hour or two later the hope and the worry set in and i start to do what i'm doing right now...watching the phone and pleading over and over again that this time is the right time and i'm ready to step in the game.



i wrote my agent just now and asked when she'd think we'd know whether i got the job or not. i think you usually find out the day of but that may not always be the case.



this life i've put myself in is a crazy one. it's hard and taxing but that pay off is so wonderful and tempting in my eyes...it allows me to get in front of that camera every audition, smile and tell myself you can do this...and i can. i will

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