valentine day’s cousin

8.31.2007
i really have to point out some important thangs before i get off of this thing for good and begin my weekend of fabulousness.




labor day weekend officially marks the time when i got engaged. that one night that changed it all. i'm far enough removed from the pain to talk about it light heartedly. my how swell my dating life has been. i have a good friend who just wrote me and told me her and her wonderful boyfriend of years split due to distance. she's completely cool with it...understands and they still love and respect each other. she's proud that she has such a good one on her shelf. got me thinking...without putting on the rose colored glasses (as my best friend would say) how many have truly acted as soul mates? (stirred my soul, thus stirring me?)



i dated one that definitely had his hiccups but we still talk occasionally to this day--still a good friend that i'm glad was in my life for a period of time. he's the guy that you can't help but be proud of...definitely an "i.b.m." sistas. ok one down. (i'm starting to feel mature)



there was a guy who i never had any drama with at all...we both had to follor our dreams...we're still cool to this day and i hope to visit him with my best friend early next year in ny. (ok that's two good job)



but then i get into bad territory lol...there's voldemort who i've finally come to terms with hating. doesn't that sound harsh? i thought so which led me to try to be nice and forget about him and all his ugliness but then i realized men who date other chicks at the same time they're dating you for months and months...only to turn around a couple of months later to do the same dang thing again...then date the other girl seriously and still try to 'talk' to you are worth hating. at lunch today some girls i barely know started telling me stories about all of his recent horrible antics. i was embarrassed... (debbie downer music--you've lost a point tish)



but then i try to search my brain for more like him and there's none...i mean i've had my share of drama in my relationships but for the most part they've all ended amicably or gotten there quickly after the initial break up....so i'm satisfied. only one voldemort... i have enough soul mates that stirred up the good stuff to not let him still my joy.



labor day weekend always pushes me to contemplate my relationships...since that engagement night i've never been single so i've always just focused on the good in my boys and carried on with the weekend. now i'm single and loving it and it's about darn time i step back and take a look.



i'm finally learning to get comfortable in my own skin...i think you can only do that when you've got single down time or s.d.t. as i will refer to it from now on.



with that being said i've decided voldemort can stand alone. as for the other guys....well i'll just appreciate what we've shared together and be thankful for the laughs and lessons learned. thankful that i've had many soul mates. i've held hands with some of the best guys out there and that's cool with me. they've given me some good stuff to fill me up and keep my heart light. two are coming to my best friends wedding possibly! that says a lot.



just so ya know, a part of me has to remain at that little pond near my college campus watching as my first luv got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. : ) it's where i do all my best relationship thinking : ) labor day weekend--valentine day's cousin. gotta love that

labor day weekend

it's that time again...(clear throat--um tony!toni!tone! start the song)




it's our anniversary...



b and i's that is. well actually last weekend should have been the celebration but little man is out of town this weekend so here we go. last year we went to hermosa and had a lovely evening celebrating our lovely friendship. this year we celebrate how fabulous it is to have each other so the whole weekend is dedicated to fabulocity (thank you kimora for that lovely word). this weekend we're gonna go to my favorite restaurant mexicali, grub on some chicken from this amazing health food joint we both love, watch fabulous films and sit down and stare at each other from time to time and just tell each other how fabulous we are (stoically lol) --maybe even have a superbad moment (check out the film if you haven't all ready!)



i've been saying it for years ladies...ya gots to have slumber parties. ya gots to have friends that are female. i realize this is hard...there are some pretty catty stupid chicks out there but don't give up my friends! true friends are worth the wait--and the distances in my case.



i just lifted in the gym and i got in ridiculous reps cuz i'm bursting with energy...i'm so pumped. so yeah...girls, when ya can, grab some facial masks, bring pillows and blankets to one of your girls' homes, rent some flicks and make sure to have some good food to munch on that makes you happy...no counting calories or any of that whack ish either...ya have to take it back...back in to time...possibly 6th grade when the only thing you counted was the amount of minutes you kissed so and so in the closet : )

be warned though...when we were in 6th grade we didn't have much cash so shop for food as if you were using your baby sitting money...cuz if you go crazy

nosiness

8.30.2007
i'm a nosy person. it doesn't happen often but sometimes i'm able to glimpse someone's life, how they really live and it makes my heart melt a bit.




for instance i'm sitting here reading this chicky magazine. i take quick glances at the silly fashion sections and find myself glued to the pages where some actress or model is divulging what's in her bag...of course it's the latest and greatest most expensive cell phone, lip plumper crap whatever but it's still a guilty pleasure i indulge in whenever possible.



today at work a friend of mine showed me pictures of her closet....(aka the room of loveliness) she's basically created a shrine to fashion....zillions of beautiful shoes in clear boxes, shelves and shelves of clothes (all color coded of course), walls of jewelry, french country-inspired chairs including this luxurious yellow one that is plopped right in the center of this room so she can sit there and enjoy it. pretty murals on some of the doors of audrey look-a-likes in gowns...i loved stepping into this woman's world for a bit.



people spend so much time creating this false reality for others to see...it's great when you get those pockets of realness (is that a word?).



i live for those moments.

breaking and entering

my luck is a funny thing.


today is the hottest day of the week. it hasn't been this hot at this point in the year in 125 years.

my roommate randomly won't be home until passed 11:00 p.m.



so of COURSE i would lock myself out of my apartment. i shut the dang door and immediately turned around trying to catch it before it slammed shut. doh!



i have just spent the last hour outside. at first i was just gonna chill and wait it out...lay by the pool but the bugs were eating me up so then i get the brilliant idea to actually see if my window was open (it's not now aspiring thiefs and bandits!!!) but luckily it was and i don't have ish blocking the damn thing. i broke the screen and scurried my little behind inside into my cool air conditioned apartment. i'm tired now. the heat got to me. i appreciate keys a whole lot more.



on a super sad note: the only bruvva that lives in the valley--in my apartment complex is moving out. i saw him today and a small piece of me cracked. sniff...

classic actress cliche

8.29.2007
I have some pretty dark moments from time to time. I'm your classic aspiring actress cliché—I have this constant struggle I deal with every day just trying to live and make it. making it is such a loaded phrase for me…beyond heavy.






Last Friday I definitely had a moment. Acting has taken love from me, my family, friends, a best friend…it's constantly something that I have to check…I'll get sad out of my mind and have to remind myself that this is stamped hard core in me…in my dna if you will. Acting is life. People worry that me putting all of my happy eggs in this one basket is a dangerous move but I seriously know no other way…acting is so much more than just a career for me.





On Friday I sat on a plane crying because of it all…work constantly reminds me that I don't belong and that there's something else out there I'm supposed to do. I just couldn't handle it and I broke. I cried myself to sleep. While sleeping I dreamed about something I remember my best friend doing in high school. She'd come to my performances and sit in the front row watching me perform and I'd be so happy to see her there. I'd feel so alive and 'at home' performing…I feel like I'm drowning when I'm not…my whole heart lights up when I'm in my element.



so i'm holding on to that tonight. i'm wrapping the feeling up and saving it for the rainy days ; )



on a more positive note: i went hiking today and kicked that hills arse! woo hooo. frustrations are better saved for exercise...i'm a bad ass mama jama!

i got my black pass back!

8.27.2007
so my home boy calls me becky (no offense to beckies around the world) cuz i had never seen "lean on me"....YES i realize this is a sad moment considering i boast to being the movie queen and i'm a black woman BUT that all ended tonight. i have just finished watching that wonderful film. i will proudly be collecting my black pass in the morning...




i tell you what...we poor little innocent mixed girls that grew up with white mommas have a lot of ish we must put up with from our more potent counterparts. hmph.



i proudly except my black pass. i promise to abide by the laws of grown black 'act right' code. i will quote my movies with pride. i will call triflin' folks "pookies" and actually understand what that truly means. i will pull crazy joe/batman's when necessary, roll my eyes at skeezas, appreciate some good gamma ray & princes of zamunda chit chat and anything else under black pass penal code.



thank you and have a swell night.

regret it in the morning

8.26.2007
i'll regret staying up this late tomorrow when it's monday 5:45 a.m. but oh wells. i just had the most amazing date with my girl b. we went and saw that new flick, "super bad" and that ish was HILARIOUS! i haven't laughed that hard in a movie in a really long time and i'm bummin that i didn't bring in a pad to write all the damn good quotes down. it is a naughty good movie lol. i spit out my popcorn at one point (sorry to the dude in front of me)




after the movie we decided we needed catch up time (cuz we're cute like that) so we went to a starbucks on ventura and sat and talked for an hour or so over chai teas and it was great....cuttin' back sharing our weekends and other random but good stuff that girls must share in order to be sane. i love that girl.



it was a great end to a great weekend. i am now gonna take my yellow behind to bed and dream of rainbows and moonbeams just cuz i can.

batteries recharged

this weekend charged my batteries like no other. i was stressin all over the place on friday...work was HELL...ran home, threw my crap in a suitcase in like 5 minutes, raced over to my girls house (flight transportation is oh-so-nice) and probably took my first calm breath when i was sitting in the terminal with 20 minutes to spare. i started writing crap immediately to purge the badness...just had one of those really craptastic weeks, ya know?




the minute i boarded that plane though i was great. swellrific even. i slept the 80 minutes there and bounced off that plane a new woman. my bro was waiting for me outside and life was just good from that point on. i went to a retirement party and saw how the older and wiser close one door happily and open another one like a pro and then went back to my twin and her hubby's abode for a night of black pass acceptance ceremonies. basically your girl had never seen one of the "black classics" (that i will not name) and so they had to school me. sigh...better late than never!



the next morning we woke and seriously just enjoyed our day...primped, ate sushi, laughed a whole bunch, caught up on each others' lives (2 other girls were staying at the crib) and just had fun. a limo ride and some champagne later we were having the best time at this BEAUTIFUL restaurant, sipping pear martinis and enjoying each others' conversations...only this group of people could seriously discuss the future of journalism, then switch it up to "coming to america" (is this velvet?!), paris & ms lohan, michele's fabulousness and all the other stuff we managed to squeeze in...sigh. it was great and i got a much needed push of confidence on the acting front. plus i got a chance to talk to some cool peeps, one in particular... my batteries were definitely recharged and i woke up this morning feeling like a new person...



i didn't even care that i missed my flight back to los angeles...unconsciously i didn't wanna go apparently...the weekend was perfect. i just wanna bottle those times and open them up when need be.



i love you twin and bro. thank you thank you thank you.

call me george clinton

8.22.2007
I am basking in my world of funk. Yes, I'm in a funk. Not a bad one, it's a strictly chemical moon thing bit-o- loveliness but a funk nevertheless and for once I'm not going to fight it. i'm just enjoying coming home, doing nothing—not even going to the gym—just hanging out with myself and enjoying the peace & quiet. Sigh…yoga music flittering off in the background. Play that funky music light girl!






I'm scaring friends.





One thing I've learned is that you have to appreciate your past as well as your present. I appreciate my life in the now but that doesn't stop me from being totally excited about this weekend either. is it wrong to yearn for the weekend?





I have this cosmic twin who lives up in northern cali and I swear whenever something life-changing happens…whenever cracks begin to develop she's always there with some fabulous life glue to help me feel nice and whole again. I've had some crazy times as of recent and I'm exhausted, burnt out, desperately in need of some drama avoidance and a weekend with her is just the medicine!!! UGH you have NO idea. She's got this amazing birthday weekend planned and she comes packed with all this great energy. I don't have to worry about testosterone ruining the occasion…No past pains haunt me…I have no worries in NoCal.





ahhhhhh… It's music to my ears.





A little culture for the soul never hurt anyone...well maybe the funk but that's allowed.

swimming in other's regrets

8.20.2007
i flew out of state this weekend and had lovely long lay overs that willed me to write like a mad woman. i was in the middle of writing on a plane when i smelled that pink stuff you put on itchy bites to stop scratching and it instantly transported me to being 5 or so...playing outside in our huge country fields (why my parents used to live in the country i know not but it proved good for my little imagination) i would run around by myself, catching horny toads, eating strawberries from my mo's garden and just play for hours with no one around. sometimes i really miss that independent gal. she was a big hoot that's for sure--not a care in the world--no worries...i just loved life...journaled like crazy because of that one memory...that and i finished eat pray love and it inspired me like no other..might have to read that one once a year...wrote. read. slept.




then i get home and reality knocks me smack dab in the face. i open my email account and there sat a puny little email from a puny man i dated many moons ago...a man i haven't spoken to or heard from in many moons telling me that although he's recently gotten married he still thinks about me all the time and regrets being stupid...that if he hadn't messed it up we'd still be together now"...where's my strawberry field when i need it?



i wrote him back that he shouldn't regret anything, that everything happens for a reason and left it at that...i was highly offended though. so when did it become cool to throw your regrets out there and share the nasty things with others? how is any of that my problem?



i've posed the question. that's all i have to say. people worry that i'll bad talk them in my blog and that's really not the purpose of this thing believe it or not...i guess anonymity isn't enough these days (sheepish smile). honestly though it offends me when someone believes i'll be open to such horrible acts of infidelity and dishonor...live right damn it! even maybe live simply...



i'm taking a break from relationship nonsense for quite some time. i refuse to discuss it with the opposite sex. i'm boycotting it for at least a month...maybe longer. i have to catch my breath...you can drown in that type of negativity.

[Edit] [Delete] [View Comments] Subject : yeah for sabra!!!

Posted Date: : Aug 16, 2007 10:06 PM

my favorite chica on sotycd won!!!



that's blogworthy alright. wooo hoooo!



message we all learned tonight: late starters, bloomers, whatever you wanna call them can win it all.

[Edit] [Delete] [View Comments] Subject : all good things

Posted Date: : Aug 15, 2007 9:49 PM

i had a day filled with weird ebbs and flows of energy.



so i don't know if i told ya'll but i applied out of my current job..i got this amazing email from my writer connect and she had me on cloud nine talking about the show and being patient...then followed it up with "you should try out for scrubs"...come to find out later on i'd have to have my sag card first...and that little bugger ain't even anywhere near my current reach. i was feelin' mighty low. i was feelin' mighty bad. (sophia speach from color purple) but then i decided i can't just let this energy pass..i've got to get back into classes. i have to meet new people in the industry. i have to show people what i'm made of so i went to work and vowed i was gonna make some more cashola to see my plans out.



i interviewed and next week i'll have my second interview in a new position...my current boss got a little upset and pulled me into a meeting. turns out they don't want me to go and are willing to try to match what the other job would pay...which is BOOKOO more. if they can i'll have the best of both worlds...this job is really nothing...doesn't take much brain power...it just allows me to audition and take off when i need to and THAT'S the key. a gal can only work so much over time and that still doesn't pay for these ridiculous classes out here.



so there's that...finding out i really am appreciated and wanted there. then there was running...lol. a friend of mine wanted to switch it up with hiking and so we tried running in this park...mind you it was 105 degrees today. we about died...in fact she threw up at one point so i can honestly say we took it to the limit lol...we only made it half an hour and i drank 32 oz of H2O in 10.5 minutes. still it always feels good to get out there and just sweat. i needed the discipline back in my life.



now i'm currently packing for a wedding trip i'm taking this weekend with a friend of mine. it's in my college roommate's home state so i'm actually going to get to see her and her brand new baby too so i'm really excited. this is the girl who would sit and listen to me talk about my crazy ex fiance stories and wish for the same some day lol...good thing she didn't get what i had specifically! it should be a great weekend....it's supposed to be cold there so i'm pumped...anything to get out of the 105 degree heat!



dating has been fun but crazy. i wrote in my journal last night that boys and acting are in the same boat right now...i have this inertia building but i don't know where to grab on to in order to pull anything towards me. i figure i'll just take baby steps. find a place and jump in and see where the balls can roll.



as for acting...i think about it every night and every morning...first and last thing on my mind. this has GOT to happen...if anyone's got an agent for sale let me know...cuz mine's drivin' me bananas i say!!!

yeah for sabra!!!

8.16.2007
my favorite chica on sotycd won!!!




that's blogworthy alright. wooo hoooo!



message we all learned tonight: late starters, bloomers, whatever you wanna call them can win it all.

all good things

8.15.2007
i had a day filled with weird ebbs and flows of energy.




so i don't know if i told ya'll but i applied out of my current job..i got this amazing email from my writer connect and she had me on cloud nine talking about the show and being patient...then followed it up with "you should try out for scrubs"...come to find out later on i'd have to have my sag card first...and that little bugger ain't even anywhere near my current reach. i was feelin' mighty low. i was feelin' mighty bad. (sophia speach from color purple) but then i decided i can't just let this energy pass..i've got to get back into classes. i have to meet new people in the industry. i have to show people what i'm made of so i went to work and vowed i was gonna make some more cashola to see my plans out.



i interviewed and next week i'll have my second interview in a new position...my current boss got a little upset and pulled me into a meeting. turns out they don't want me to go and are willing to try to match what the other job would pay...which is BOOKOO more. if they can i'll have the best of both worlds...this job is really nothing...doesn't take much brain power...it just allows me to audition and take off when i need to and THAT'S the key. a gal can only work so much over time and that still doesn't pay for these ridiculous classes out here.



so there's that...finding out i really am appreciated and wanted there. then there was running...lol. a friend of mine wanted to switch it up with hiking and so we tried running in this park...mind you it was 105 degrees today. we about died...in fact she threw up at one point so i can honestly say we took it to the limit lol...we only made it half an hour and i drank 32 oz of H2O in 10.5 minutes. still it always feels good to get out there and just sweat. i needed the discipline back in my life.



now i'm currently packing for a wedding trip i'm taking this weekend with a friend of mine. it's in my college roommate's home state so i'm actually going to get to see her and her brand new baby too so i'm really excited. this is the girl who would sit and listen to me talk about my crazy ex fiance stories and wish for the same some day lol...good thing she didn't get what i had specifically! it should be a great weekend....it's supposed to be cold there so i'm pumped...anything to get out of the 105 degree heat!



dating has been fun but crazy. i wrote in my journal last night that boys and acting are in the same boat right now...i have this inertia building but i don't know where to grab on to in order to pull anything towards me. i figure i'll just take baby steps. find a place and jump in and see where the balls can roll.



as for acting...i think about it every night and every morning...first and last thing on my mind. this has GOT to happen...if anyone's got an agent for sale let me know...cuz mine's drivin' me bananas i say!!!

immaculate receptions

8.12.2007
i'm watching this documentary on hbo that's following the kansas city chiefs in training camp and i SWEAR to you my dang lip started quivering....lol ha! it was like i was transported back to my home circa childhood. lol




i don't know if folks know but my fam consists of football junkies. it's their true american past time. as a kid i would sit in my room with friends playing barbies while my parents and their friends were watching the game in the other room...sounds of my mother would fill the house "GET 'EM YOU expletive, expletive, expletive" i would roll my eyes but my house would have felt eery and wrong without such noise. it was great watching my parents watch games together and see the hilarious emotions go thru them...and then listen to my dad talk about team work, team camaraderie, passion, heroic feats, strategy. sigh...as he would say, there's a reason there are so many great films about football. (all he had to do was make a connection to film and you know i was interested.)



i can NOT wait for football season to start up. last year i didn't get to see or be apart of ish...it's not so big in los angeles but i'm gonna find my football crowd or reception if you will and we're gonna do the darn thing!



can we get an award for this dang documentary? i am a herms edwards groupie from this point on!!!

words and me

8.09.2007
i told ya'll i've been on a poetry kick. well a good buddy of mine gave me a free download card for this independent music. i was frustrated at first because i listen to minimal indie stuff but then i found poetry....lots of beautiful poetry. i now have langston hughes on oscar....nikki giovanni, sonia sanchez and i couldn't be more giddy. i'm suddenly transported back to college--the langston hughes convention where some of the most profound & insightful minds grouped together to celebrate that lovely man and i was there...drinking it all in...now i have that day back. heaven hits at the strangest of times. the great part. i finished downloading all the music onto my ipod and it started playing...nikki's last words from "ego tripping" are playing out:




"i mean i can fly like a bird in the sky"...



and then a nina simone that i already had on my ipod kicks in and the beginning lyrics are, "birds flying high you know how i feel"...how beautiful is that!? it's a day for words and me. even more scary, here's my horoscope for today:



Highbrow types of art and literature are much more accessible to you right now, and your mind is intrigued by the idea of flowery prose and intricate poetry. Take some time today to check out some poetry -- whether by visiting a couple of poetry websites, re-reading song lyrics without the music in your mind, or just cruising through the greeting-card aisle. The way words are used to convey complex meanings will, by example, show you how you can convey your emotions more effectively.

what can i say...the signs were beating me over the head...so in honor of that here is a poem i wrote for my favorite b in the world:



If I were to paint you, two ears would appear first

You listen & hear, something every gal needs





You'd have a light where your eyes would be, a megaphone for a mouth

You see things clearly, you point them out and make sure I really hear you



You'd have a mountain where your heart is

To get to the top you have to work hard but once there you see the most beautiful & great perspectives



When I'd finish you'd look like some hindu princess

Arms every where to symbolize how much you give: the ultimate multi-tasker



People would assume I was painting a dream

Not realizing I'm a classical realist, surrealism was never my thing

earthquake

um i was just woken up by my first earthquake and i'm still shaking...just me--not the building. what the hell...that was the scariest thing i've ever felt...to be woken out of a deep sleep by that ish is terrifying.




i've been sitting here for the last 10 minutes wondering what the hell i would grab as i was jumping from the balcony...



why did i move here again?! i can't sleep now and it's not because every car alarm in the neighborhood is now going off : (

infidelity

8.08.2007
"It is necessary to the happiness of man that he be mentally faithful to himself. Infidelity does not consist in believing or in disbelieving; it consists in professing to believe what he does not believe."




i have this thing with thinking about something hard core and then books, quotes, whatever appear in front of my face that relate and give new perspective and understanding.





living in los angeles i deal with a lot of fools basically who lie to themselves and others on a day-to-day, hour-by-hour basis. i wasn't dealing with it so well a couple of weeks ago and this quote popped up. funny how that happens...it's beautiful and full of truth...just how i like my life cocktail

pisces love

so yesterday i finally knocked at two poems that have been eating me up inside. it felt good to get them out....ironically the poisonous words that were buggin me were about love...and they weren't terrible poems either...lol. real but not cynical.




then at work something really freaky happened. a friend of mine was freaking out because she's been given some project she knows nothing about and she's really stressed and worried she'll mess up because she was given no direction...she reads her daily horoscope and it tells her that she shouldn't worry about the projects given to her today...that she should do what she knows and let everything else just fall into place...freaked her and me out a bit so i made her read me mine and this is what i got:



You have more love in your life than you realize, and it will begin to show itself today. There are many different types of love -- the kind you have for another person, the kind you have for yourself, and the kind you have for that new car you're dreaming of buying. Focus on the type of love you have for other people today, and try to express it as openly and as honestly as you can. That is the best way to encourage them to show their love for you -- and they are eager to do just that.



so i took it as a sign of all the love i've been circling around lately and focused on sending love vibes to those in my life i value most...emailed back and forth with my amazing mom, best friends, took someone that was down in my department to have some delicious lunch that she had never had before (CHIPOTLE!!!) and tried to spread the love as best i could and it was lovely. i came home and loved myself by working the mess out of my body...i channeled my inner buff dude from venice beach and now i'm about to spend a good hour on my new favorite site "goodreads". i LOVE that ish. someone just asked me to be their bud who's got over a thousand books on her profile...she's my sheroe and i love her now too.



sometimes horoscopes save the day.

betcha didn’t know i was filipino!!!

8.07.2007
so someone randomly wrote me this beautiful little poem lol...i seriously had to write them back and ask if they meant to send it to me cuz um...i've never been mistaken for filipino before...like my name says....i really am racially ambiguous and i'm adding filipino to my list dog nab it!




Shawty just incase you didn't know,

You're the cutest Pilipino,

And the hottest by far,

Babi you're like my shinning star,

And I wanna get to know your personality,

Even if it means searching the whole galaxy,

Can't you see,

You're the one I want in my life,

Yep! Make you my wife,

Cause you bring me joy,

You could be my girl,

And I could be your guy,

I'll represent you,

Like you represent Pilipino pride,

So jump in my ride,

Babi I'll take you to the sky,

You and me can join the mile high,

Cause you're so fly,

5'5, brown eyes, big lips, small thighs,

Not to mention your small waist,

You're the one I wanna taste,

Im the coyote and you're the bird I love to chase,

Yep! You're the road runner,

You're the stunner on myspace,

And you can always come back to my place,

Cuddle up, pop that bottle of bubble,

Then snuggle up,

And I'd do anything to please ya,

So why don't cha come over here lil Mestiza…



LMAO!

verbal tap dancing

i verbally tap dancing for my supper:






I have this weird thing with assuming people expect me to fill the silent void for them to avoid any uncomfortable silences…therefore I jibber jabber with the best of 'em but it can get pretty darn exhausting some times. Believe it or not I really do enjoy quiet time.





This can be hard because people assume I'm this uber people person that recharges thru noise but this is not the case. on any given day I'll wig out and snap at folks for buggin me at work…count how many minutes go by before I'm bugged by someone's noise…oops I was just bugged. I got in a good minute.





I plan to go hiking today and I'm probably going to freak out my hiking buddy because I plan to just hike and not talk…enjoy the quiet

real love

8.06.2007
have you ever been bitten by the writing bug?




last night i was reading...calmly enjoying the last of my weekend when i got this uncontrollable urge to write this poem. i sat there scribbling for a good hour or so before i realized that what i was doing could be considered to be mad by some and stopped myself...but it's still not done. there's something inside of me stirring in a crazy way and i can't get the words out to describe it. doh!



all i can say though is it's about love. (i told u i'm on a kick.)



it's just sparked my interest as of late...such a confusing little bugger--this thing known as LUV. i have to wrap my mind around what i know thus far. the fact that i can't get it down on paper says a lot about that lol.



unlucky in love but lucky in lessons...lol. that's me and i actually accept it so i better verbalize it soon or i'm gonna go nutty (and remain quite tired). nothing worse than dozing off at work...(snicker snicker)



i'm loving the fact that i got to go gift shopping for some of the loves of my life today. i worked out hard core, sweaty funky stinky tish...and was too excited to shower...i marched my funky butt straight to a california mall (complete with perfectly styled divas) and started picking out cute quirky little gifts for upcoming showers, baby and wedding and birthday parties.



i'm wrapped, card-signed and ready to go!



now that kind of love i can write about all day!

revolutionary petunia

8.04.2007
people always ask me about my revolutionary petunia name. for some reason i was craving it tonight. here is the poem that started it all...






The Nature of This Flower Is to Bloom.

Rebellious. Living.

Against the Elemental Crush.

A Song of Color

Blooming

For Deserving Eyes.

Blooming Gloriously

For its Self.

a toast to the bone-building city

today i celebrated my 2nd year anniversary with my gal pal that was there from week 1: miss bree. it was a good day...




we woke up early (ugh) and headed over to the coffee bean for some chai tea and cinnamon bread (mmm) then we went to an 11:00am showing of the movie hairspray. that's the thing about bree and i. we do movies...we came out here as starry-eyed hopefuls, watching those on the big screen--openly wanting to take the actors' and directors' places and without fail, no matter what dramas have filled our daily lives, we can get together over a movie and some grub, discuss and the world is carefree again...



see moving out here, not knowing anyone and having NO money whatsoever can be quite stressful so you can understand why bree and i stuck together--hitting up taco bell, chillin at barnes and noble discussing books and life as we knew it and wanted it to be... she was the perfect friend to share the anniversary with.



we did it up right. got our breakfast, saw a flick, ate lunch (ordered a mojito and toasted to making it thus far) and then finished it up with ANOTHER flick--becoming jane, which was amazing.



i have to digress for a minute. so the movie was beautiful and perfect...one scene in particular though was absolutely enchanting and forced me to remember a dream i had last night...the scene you can see for yourself but the dream...



so in it i'm walking in a garden. the sun is just setting. there are twinkle lights every where, the air is warm and i can smell a subtle hint of pumpkin in the air mixed with cinnamon and i'm happy...in the distance i can see this white shimmery being and i start to cry...because the beautiful white floating thru the warm fall night is my best friend and she's getting married. it was a beautiful dream...it took a beautiful movie to pull that one out of my unconscious. sigh...like i always say...i love love and that ish is coming at me full speed lately. i'm seeing it and feeling it everywhere.



maybe that's what's gotten into me lately. jen's wedding is fast approaching and i may have been bitten by some of the residual love bugs flittering about. whatever it is it's cool.



ok back to the day. we were leaving and i totally had a flash back of one of our first hang out sessions. it was early august and we were walking the streets of burbank and we started to shiver. we laughed at the flaky weather gods who forced cold mornings, hot days and then uber brisk nights upon us...the same happened today...and the weird thing is we haven't paid attention to it since that night we last discussed two years ago. time flies...



i'm floating on movie clouds...i LOVE seeing movies that inspire me and move me and take me back to the moment i knew i wanted to be an actress 22 years ago...so a toast. a toast to the bone-building city: the city that forced me to grow a spine and knock out some strength.

i got kicked

8.03.2007
i had a "you're breaking my heart" moment today. my heart hurts. some people assume after meeting me that i'm this happy go-lucky girl that allows just anyone to come into her life...that to be my friend is an easy task but i have an undercover radar and i got cho number if you're good peeps : )...i pride myself on that...that i have this unbelievable group of great friends that seriously pick me up and carry me along frickin amazes me to no end...




now knowing this you can feel my pain when i say i HATE being bamboozled...finding out that a friend is infact a frenemy is never a good thing. i've deleted someone from my life today...i've only done this one other time in my life and it's never fun, i always cry, i always wanna kick something.....i always cry.



whenever my friends are down and out over someone disrespecting them i always fight to help them see that they're worth more than that...and so i became a friend to myself....i'm no hypocrite. i will realize the same.



every happy moment with such person was wasted and i'm done

universal sign for idiot

8.01.2007
So today I had an audition for canon cameras and I left with THE worst taste in my mouth because of the darn photographer.






I do this thing at my job where I take an extended lunch (it's lovely let me tell you) it gets me all razzled and nervous usually but today i was cool as a cucumber.



I headed out..had some great tunes playing (diamonds and pearls by prince since I'm wearing them today…good music karma) and arrived with 10 minutes to spare…great news when you live in la la land and are traveling on the 101.





So I'm dressed cute today and have huge hair cuz I'm going all out for these folks, cute little old men are saying hello and goodbye…I'm feeling pretty and I walk around the corner and figure out that I've been to this building before with these people…good sign--Means they kept my last headshot and asked to see me for something else. I'm feeling good.





Get inside and there are seriously 4 other girls that look just like me. Tall, big curly hair…my butt begins to twitch but I suck it up, sit down with one of the casting peeps and fill out my slate…weight ugh, bust ugh…height blah blah blah, wait in line for my turn with the photographer. He calls me over and tells me I need to do three shots, slate with a blank..that means put the sheet with my measurements up to my chest and take a pic) then smile, then do a relaxed pose.





I go in for the relaxed pose…trying to stand out from my clones and flash a peace sign and the photographer stops, looks up with a scowl and asks me if I'm throwing a gang sign. Hmmmmm





If I were a cute blonde do you think he would have asked me this? I rolled my eyes, told him it was a peace sign and walked off the mark. Boo on that. Hopefully he doesn't have the final say on who's chosen. My first bad audition…guess it was bound to happen.





POOP FACE!
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