taco?

5.31.2007
man two of my boys are about to bust a gut on this one but i think i finally got my taco fix on. oh yeah...for the past two months i've thought of nothing else but beloved yummy scrumptious tacos. i would eat them any time if i could get my grubby little paws on them and today for lunch i think i finally got the end of my fix.




whatever will i crave next?



today was a good day because it's friday eve and every eve is a great day...you're thinking ahead, what's next for the weekend...good times.



this weekend just happens to start early for me. i'm taking off at noon from work, doing that kick arse fun photo shoot and then i'm heading to vegas with my great gal pal b. yes yes, i realize i just got back from the place but i haven't been with her in a quick minute...dude now that i think about it, it's been way over a year so this will be lovely. her little sis is turning 21 and of course b needs someone that will go and be a lush with her sibling...sigh. i GUESS i'll do it...i mean it IS for family and all... : ) one tequila, two tequila, three tequila FLOOR! j/k...no i'm not. hee hee



no really though trips with your peeps are the best. this weekend is about to be off the chain. as for right now, i'm about to hit up pasadena to get my beautiful caterpillars removed from my face (R.I.P. unibrow!) and then i plan to have a little movie date night with my boy. can't beat that i say.



i can't wait to tell ya'll about the shoot. i've been given some details and i swear i'm already about to hit the ceiling. as jalen would say i get to pretend for a couple of hours.



i hope you all have a lovely weekend!

big t

say cheese

5.30.2007
I just finished this book that I've seriously been trying to get thru for a couple of months now…man I'm not the reader I used to be! It ended so well though. I've already recommended it to my mom and best bud. That reminds me. I know two heifas out there that have two of my books. Don't think I've forgotten yo! The point of this whole little book spiel though!!! there's this amazing character in the book. She starts out being this weakling who lets people walk all over her but she comes alive at the end in the most inspiring of ways. There's this great image the writer puts out there about this kite she's flying…how she hates that it's so dependent on its owner to keep it high in the air and how it should just fly free. For some reason that called out the Tishy trumpets. Good ish…good ish.






Now I'm onto a classic called _The Scarlet Pimpernel_...this is what happens when your friend happens to be an English major. You get all the good suggestions. For some reason it reminds me of "V for Vendetta" so I'm pumped…I'll read it when I have downtime on the fabulous activity I'm about to tell you about…



So today I was asked to do a photo shoot for a magazine!!! Model Tishy in the house!!! Wooohooo! I was bouncing off the walls. (It's definitely impressing my new modeling agent who probably thought I was sitting around twiddling my thumbs—which I was but hey…)





So yeah I'm really excited. I always get really nervous about modeling gigs because I'm such a repressed nerd. I always feel that it's some big joke and I'll get there and the people will yell out "psych! Just kiddin' son!" It's only initially like that though. I get over it fast when I see a camera…me being a major camera hog and all. ; ) say cheese!



Thanks (cyber shrink jr) for this lovely gift…my girl helped me get the gig. It's who you know apparently…all I need is a little inertia to get me going and then you won't be able to stop me yo!





Today was one of those good days where I'm the good kinda kite: The kinda kite that doesn't need someone below dictating where I go and for how long based on their speed and their drive to move me. Today I'm making my own moves with my own wind

oh stop being so vain

5.29.2007
sigh...i know timing has everything to do with my blogs and the assumptions some make...who's she writing about, is it personal? blah blah blah. i got in 'trouble' a month or so ago for supposedly writing about someone and i wasn't even writing about them! women, my darlings...yesterdays blog was about a darling older woman that i hold dear to my heart that is hurting inside. she doesn't read blogs lol...she probably doesn't even know what one is but i felt her pain and her story is one that we all share...cuz we do. i'm not hankering on women...i have no beef with anyone in particular and if certain women think i do then stop. i just know we've all been there and then poof this weekend another friend had a similar encounter...




i shouldn't even be writing this blog BUT i'm a writer and i can't let anything go. don't tell me to practice what i preach because i'm standing up and helping you out more than you'll ever know...BECAUSE i understand what it's like to be a woman...jeez. all my friends are now currently shaking their heads wondering what the heck i'm talking about. just ignore this one : ) i'm mad i randomly stumble over stuff i shouldn't. my new found friend has nipped that in the bud (cyber shrink jr. thanks chica) so i shouldn't be participating in such silly things like this.



this is the part where my buddy ole pal don would say "toot toot" cuz i'm gonna toot my own horn. i'm a dang nice person and forgiving as heck. : ) toot toot...



aight. i'm off to go hike. later!!!
5.28.2007
i experienced something that upset me greatly...women that can't put themselves into other women's shoes....




women are so competitive when it comes to men...how easily we forget that the buggers come and go and if you have to fight for one in a shady way the man isn't worth it in the first place. sigh....



i've seen women hurt other women and it's not cool ladies. being single definitely sucks but please don't be so quick to judge. don't be desperate. don't be so quick to write off someone's relationship...what they have/had/are/were....



at the end of the day we all have to sit back and ask ourselves if our mommas, grandmommas, aunts, girlfriends would be proud of us for how we are to other women. would they understand caddiness? spite? jealousy?



put yourself in that woman's shoes the next time you want to fuddle with her and her heart or mistake her pain for weakness...you have no clue. there are pictures and memories and laughs and tears....lots and lots of tears...moments where that man said he loved her and meant it, promised her the world....



now don't mistake this blog for an unfair one sided scolding. men's indiscretions are a completely different subject all together, different blog-different time. this blog is for my kind because we're freaking the same and should respect that we can do better. who really wants to be the woman that's caused another woman's world to break? we love hard and we give our loves our worlds...remember that you do the same and respect your fellow lady's heart....

memorial weekend

5.27.2007
wow what a great weekend i've had thus far. my 'boy', (fatima) came to visit and it was absolutely lovely. marcus and my best friend jen are the two people that really make my decision to be out here so damn difficult. man how they remind me of home. i don't feel like we got enough time. you have to go down memory lane and that can take a couple of days...then you get to kick it and make new memories...couple more days. we had one. (debbie downer music) it was good though i won't complain too much. man...i'm kinda bummed. so yeah we hung, had good food, laughed...i took him to pinkberry AND jinky's folks...oh yeah. we got our grub on. i was really sad dropping him off..so sad that i was totally distracted by the dude at the gas station with gold teeth yelling "sup shawty, you look fine today" lol...




i was trying to convince his stinkin' behind to move out here but alas he has this thing with traffic and just my luck we just happened to be on the 101 and someone cut me off and almost jacked us up...i've never heard him scream quite like he did but it sounded like a 78 year old cute little woman so i'm taking that as the final nail in the coffin that his arse is staying in the midwest. lol...sigh. at least he promises to visit more now that he's graduated. DANG!



my girls totally eased my pain (abondonment issues remember) by inviting me out to a bbq. 'T & E' (hee hee) are the ish..had me laughing it up and i got to meet some cool new folks that are eclectically this shiz nit. it was actually e's friend's bbq and might i say he can cook a mean hamburger. don't you love memorial weekend? one other thing. i got to see cute little couples that just exist comfortably together which gives a sister a bit of hope that it can happen. i went and saw "the waitress" with marcus and b yesterday and that movie helped a little with the baby thing too lol. it was just a good weekend to have my faith restored...even if a tiny bit it was still something.



i'm a funny gal. for the most part i love my independence (aka single-ness) and chillin and doing my own thang but tonight i'm kinda bummed to be at home and watching fever pitch alone. i miss my friend. i want him to come back. : ( sniff.



more bbq fun times tomorrow. marcus may come along for the ride. : ) bully tish is about to take care of that.

a poem

5.24.2007
a passive life




a pain the memory brings

took love in vain and sings

a life changed

a new perspective gained

dignity maintained

a woman grown

but who's to blame for the destruction,

chaos production, misplaced seduction...

him?

or me

self doubting, drama spouting, constant pouting

if i had been stronger from the start

impossible to penetrate the heart

maybe my pain wouldn't be art

i'd be free

please life catch up with my dreams

i thought of something today as i sat in my car in my work parking lot. my job takes something from me every day. i don't like to talk to people after hearing my name 89 times a day. smiles are forced. energy is lost. i'm a soldier. i can get thru this, but for how long? i sat in my car. engine off, sweatin' buckets and thought to myself...i should be doing a job that allows me to come thru. i should get to be me..and then i immediately saw myself, script in hand on some set laughing and being me in between scenes. please life catch up with my dreams....please.




the new york times saved me today. i read this great article about ralph ellison: the man who wrote _invisible man_. his definitive piece came at the beginning. he spent the remainder of his life pressured and bitter...trying to write the next best book and it just never happened...excuses came. he belittled those that tried to help him and lied about his progress...these are issues that i'd really like to avoid in my upcoming career. tish you must remember your past, appreciate what's in front of you and keep aspiring for the next one....is that so hard? we'll see : )



one last ny times rave. (it's rare that i reference the paper--usually don't really vibe with the times' style but they were knocking out some great ones today) there was an article about personal narratives...how we write our own stories. you'd think we'd be the best kinda expert on the given subject, but according to the article, "this is your life (and how you tell it)" we tend to fluff up or downplay...(in my case ommit) certain things. who would have thunk? so now i have one more way to analyze folks...how do you tell your story? what the heck does that say about you? or is this article just full of pooh? lol...i was bored at work today. cut me some slack.



did i mention i applied for a new position in the marketing department? time to use that lovely degree. use what's left of my creativity if there's any left at all.



i just found a new show i love. it's called "the lot"...reality show for aspiring directors. totally cool show. watch it! comes on after so you think you can dance. another good show to watch..."my name is sex and i'm back"



aight marcus is in cali. i will hang with him on saturday and i can't wait. there are some people that come into your life that inspire you to act right...be the best person you can be...make ya wanna ascend and be like the girl maxwell serenades. he's one of 'em. just when one aspect of life goes berzerk another door swings open and keeps me cool into i fix the other stuff. i'm lucky that way

shedding the stress

5.23.2007
today i felt a little down and out--a product of a lousy job.




generally speaking i'm quite the rambunctious young woman...lots of energy and pep but i swear ever since i started working at this nasty little place i'm far from energizer bunny. i hear people calling my name all day long, i need this and that, do this, go here...take this in the arse for me cuz i don't feel like dealing with it lol....i'm SERIOUS though. i start out most mornings with a bounce in my step. i come in smiling...rockin' out to some great song oscar's serenading me with and then work kicks in and by the time 4:30 hits i look like i've had the frickin stuffings knocked right out of me--an emaciated pinata if you will.



i actually get pretty testy too which sucks even more. "hello mr. nasty!"



today though i knew exactly what needed to be done in order to shed the necessary stress. i came home, stripped off my work clothes, put on some comfy pajamas, washed my face (that was the ticket!), cleaned my abode and then sat on my wonderful bedroom sofa and chilled in the peace and quiet. i sat and i thought about acting and how much i love it...about my ability to manifest my own destiny...celestine vision stuff : ) it was pure loveliness and now i feel lots better.



my darling girl e just texted me with the results from american idol so i can take my butt to bed early and have some more peace.



fatima (aka marcus) hits la tomorrow and i can't wait. that good sir and i have lots to catch up on. remember this is the guy that supports my dreams in the coolest of ways. he'll make memorial weekend a great one. i can't wait.



i just read the best horoscope in my may essence: your positivity gives you the insight to dream big and dismiss the haters.



lol...i love that essence puts 'haters' in their horoscope word rolodex but more than that i love anything that discusses my dreams.



alright. this day is done, night has won and the bed is calling my name.

el fin

me's poppin up everywhere

5.22.2007
Acting stuff…yeah!






So I watched a movie last night that totally gave me back my acting zeal…I was bursting with energy. I got off my arse and wrote to my writer friend and the executive producer of the show that she is currently creating and thanked them both for having the brilliant idea to put images of mixed women out there in the world.





Some media critics are shaking their heads at me right now…they're thinking there are mixed girls every where…they represent the black woman in many instances but that doesn't cut it my friend. Yes, a lot of us identify as black…we do so for a number of reasons. I personally attribute my identifications with the fact that I know I'm a minority…so saying I'm black comes a lot easier than saying I'm white. This is controversial…people (that aren't biracial 99.9% of the time) love to tell me how this is a crock. Funny how i'm not allowed to define myself…WHICH brings me back to the reason we need shows that feature a biracial person…that's allowed to discuss being biracial and the funny little stories that come along with the territory.





The idea of a 'torn world'…a tragic mulatta isn't new. I can remember watching Oprah as a kid and seeing these little mixed kids crying about not knowing where they belonged…I didn't get it at the time…of course my sense of being mixed was all semantics—just something I was trained to say when people asked, "what are you?"



I can't wait for this opportunity!!! My godchild came home from school the other day devastated because little boys were picking on her for being mixed. They told her that it was wrong that her mommy and daddy mixed and had a baby. How sad that a 5 year old has to deal with things…scary things no less such as this... No one wants to hear that their mommy could get in trouble. I wanted to put my butt on a plane and go see my little wee one and reassure her she's not alone and school her as a good Godmommy should. How odd to grow up alone knowing that most of the folks around you are quote on quote 'one' people and therefore belong somewhere—stereotypes and all and you belong in two worlds…and are constantly pulled and pushed from both groups? It's a crazy thing...so crazy that you just might need to see others like you going thru similar things in order to feel less freak show-ish.





The obscure people known as the MN…the mulatto nation will have their day! Whoever would have thought that papers I wrote in college which focused on the images of biracial women in the media would some day come in handy. Now that's what I call taking the classroom to the streets!







I just remembered that I should have put more than 39 cents on the darn envelope for that thank you letteroops. 'm good though. It'll come back. I'll fix it : )

my neighbor smells good...

5.17.2007
ok so my neighbor sings celine dion late at night. he's a normal dude that says hi to me in the hall...no big deal. he probably has bland statements about me as well BUT tonight as i was coming home late the dude passed me and i smelled that man and i followed his damn scent all thru the garage...into the building...into the elevator and then rode the elevator to the top and then back down to my floor just so i could breathe in him for a little while longer....mmmmm




there's nothing better than a man with a good scent. some think i'm a little odd but men can ruin it with their musky overpowering cologne...there funk nastiness yuck! this man....today IS the day to praise men

props for the men in my life

So anyone who knows me knows I love my girls and value, no basically worship, the female relationships I've acquired over the years. I just think girls are great and female friendship does so much for the human spirit.




I praise my girls but that doesn't mean I don't love my guys. I will be the first to admit I know NOTHING about the male species, which my newbie guy friends have so eloquently pointed out to me (you don't know ish tish!). It's hard to form real solid deep friendships for women and men, but I definitely have them and it's time to give the guys some props.





I digress for a moment. I have to talk about the bachelor. I hated this darn show for the longest time. I got so sick of these numb nuts going on national tv and telling the world how they were just trying to find a nice girl to marry, only to pick the uber dumb fast girls and leave them scratching their heads at their supposed moment of engagement with a friend proposal. It just reiterated the hard cold reality that men live on their perspective planet and we on ours and occasionally we meet up in the milky way and give some daps and whatever else. Then this god-like man…my uber babe boy came along and changed all that. the dude came on the show listing what he was looking for and gosh darn it he's actually sticking to it. he eliminated the drama queens, the fast girls, the young girls and is actually making wise decisions…now mind you this IS reality tv but for reality tv standards…this dude is the bomb! Totally brought back my faith that there are some lucky dudes out there that know what they want and aren't jaded or distracted enough to jack that up. Big sigh of relief…I hope similar things for my guy friends that are totally lost right now in terms of what they need and want from women.



This brings me back to my guy friends and how I see their behinds. I see things in them that make my heart swell (with friendship that is) and it's cool. There's always my Fatima who you've heard a little about. He's coming to visit over memorial weekend and I couldn't be more excited. This dude is so great…I wrote him pages of notes telling him how fly he is and how he has to marry some spectacular woman because I'd be disappointed if he didn't recognize his greatness and respect it. The dude makes me want to be a better woman and (when he calls) pushes me to do so. Gotta love that.





Then there's my play brother j who seriously has been there since day one of frosh year college. We've vacationed together and he's kept me from acting a plum fool on many occasion. He's the brother that every girl wishes she had…thoughtful, protective and fun to be around…even when he makes my butt twitch I'm still laughing with the boy.





I hung with some guys over the weekend that had some unconventional 'girl with guy' behaviors I'm not so used to (hee hee) but when I say I fell for these dudes (again as friends)…I fell hard. They had me laughing so hard my abs hurt for two days afterwards…They're intelligent, funny, fun to be around, crazy, thoughtful and when no one's looking quite intense and freaking sincere.



Basically I feel really lucky. It's hard to have male relationships that don't cross into the grey areas…even I fall prey to it occasionally but that ish is RARE. When you can remain in the black and white…and actually witness moments where men drop their testosterone walls…well, it's just a special moment that I treasure.







I hope I find someone someday that my dudes respect and vibe with. I think he'd be some kinda man if he could hang with the likes of them.





To all my manfriends, I love you and thank you.

a beautiful blur

5.15.2007
so today couldn't be all doom and gloom in the good ole blog 'o tish.




i just finished writing in my journal about this weekend and i still can't get over how much fun i had. i was so hesitant to go. all my girls already had plans...b was telling me too many things were going wrong and i should take it as a sign and just forget about it but everything worked out so freaking perfectly. i swear the weekend was one big beautiful blur... it was so good...



it's so weird that i miss people that i just met as much as i do. it's crazy because when i got to vegas it was just my boy and i..he went to go pick up the other peeps from the airport and i stayed behind and napped. when i woke up the house was alive with chatter, i walked out and immediately got a big ole bear hug from p and then it just got better and better from there. we all, my girl EVR and i especially, clicked so quick (poet and didn't know it) and because of that we had the most carefree weekend.



it's amazing how our life just picks us up and carries us along...when i let go and just flow where the wind blows me i seem to have the best times.



i heart the vegas vandals..."T.P.", kao, pimpalicous L, and EVR thank you.



now remember, whenever you hear the following songs, smile a big one and think of the good times...



summer love

because of you

that stupid song by the game that kao played only to make my butt twitch

xxplosive

umbrella

like a cholo

and glamorous (in honor of the lovely rhino joint)

[Edit] [Delete] [View Comments] Subject : doors shut all the time

Posted Date: : May 15, 2007 6:25 PM

i realize doors shut all the time but seriously...i didn't want to come back to work today after my GLORIOUS vacation to the sounds of people crying because half our department has just been let go. shipping jobs overseas is so sad...some of the best people are leaving including my little mamacita--this older mexican woman i work with and adore. the minute i came back from the meeting i went to her and just cried. all the folks affected will be ok. some even called it a beautiful mixed blessing so on that end my heart is at peace but i HATE saying goodbye to the people that fill my world.



i did mention i have a thing with abandonment right?



my day was pretty much a bummer after that. the higher ups kept coming by my desk to see if i was going postal...which i never did thank you. sigh. being a big kid sucks sometimes. a lot of times.



i'm still hanging on to my weekend of sheer fun cuz with days like today ya just gots to!

[Edit] [Delete] [View Comments] Subject : what happens in vegas...

Posted Date: : May 14, 2007 5:48 PM

now i'm not completely a blog junky. i realize that what happens in vegas has to stay in vegas, but i can be general right? just no details? lol...



i met some of the coolest folks this weekend and we partied like rockstars (homage to the 'vegas soundtrack' we experienced). when i say i had THE best vegas experience. we slept, ate, chilled in and by the pool, laughed our butts off...i met some of the best folks and we did everything you're supposed to do with cool peeps and more. i was really sad when the folks started boarding their perspective planes and left. i have many pics, many videos and many memories that i will NEVER forget. : )



oh one thing! the belaggio fountain....my first time. frank sinatra "let luck be a lady"...it was beautiful. sigh...sometimes the gals have to leave the boys and do their own thang...thank you erica!!!

[Edit] [Delete] [View Comments] Subject : get away from la...

Posted Date: : May 9, 2007 7:20 PM

vacation approval pending....



VIVA LAS VEGAS!!!



and boy do i need it...can i get an amen sister?! ( from the back: amen sister!)

for some reason i have a fire up my butt and the only thing that will put the sucker out is chillin with some uber cool peeps...that didn't come out right but yet it did...



my play brother justin, kao and some other ku peeps will all be kickin it chill style. some of us will be at kao's condo in vegas...i plan to bring some board games (taboo and scrabble for the lucky ones), a good book or two and a bikini. nothing big, no big shot gambling...just hanging out with the bro's....maxin' and relaxin' and staying away from no good. ; ) (if you started singing the fresh prince song give yourself 10 points)



i just have to get thru this long dreadful work week. has it been draggin' for anybody else? today i was actually caught in mid zombie face....you know the open-mouthed blank stare at your computer screen...hee hee...



today wasn't a complete drain of energy though...i found a job posting at my company that i'll be applying for soon..i'd be writing : ) yeah for journalism! i got to see my dear boo e who's unfortunately sick. i brought her some chicken soup and power-c. ya can't go wrong with the naked drinks yo! i have to take care of my girls!!! then argued with kao about going out to vegas. he obviously won so i'll be leaving at 3 a.m. friday morning...he's about to unleash the beast!



b put it best. sometimes you just have to get away...leave la. she's a very smart chick.

doors shut all the time

i realize doors shut all the time but seriously...i didn't want to come back to work today after my GLORIOUS vacation to the sounds of people crying because half our department has just been let go. shipping jobs overseas is so sad...some of the best people are leaving including my little mamacita--this older mexican woman i work with and adore. the minute i came back from the meeting i went to her and just cried. all the folks affected will be ok. some even called it a beautiful mixed blessing so on that end my heart is at peace but i HATE saying goodbye to the people that fill my world.




i did mention i have a thing with abandonment right?



my day was pretty much a bummer after that. the higher ups kept coming by my desk to see if i was going postal...which i never did thank you. sigh. being a big kid sucks sometimes. a lot of times.



i'm still hanging on to my weekend of sheer fun cuz with days like today ya just gots to!

what happens in vegas...

5.14.2007
now i'm not completely a blog junky. i realize that what happens in vegas has to stay in vegas, but i can be general right? just no details? lol...




i met some of the coolest folks this weekend and we partied like rockstars (homage to the 'vegas soundtrack' we experienced). when i say i had THE best vegas experience. we slept, ate, chilled in and by the pool, laughed our butts off...i met some of the best folks and we did everything you're supposed to do with cool peeps and more. i was really sad when the folks started boarding their perspective planes and left. i have many pics, many videos and many memories that i will NEVER forget. : )



oh one thing! the belaggio fountain....my first time. frank sinatra "let luck be a lady"...it was beautiful. sigh...sometimes the gals have to leave the boys and do their own thang...thank you erica!!!

get away from la...

5.09.2007
vacation approval pending....




VIVA LAS VEGAS!!!



and boy do i need it...can i get an amen sister?! ( from the back: amen sister!)

for some reason i have a fire up my butt and the only thing that will put the sucker out is chillin with some uber cool peeps...that didn't come out right but yet it did...



my play brother justin, kao and some other ku peeps will all be kickin it chill style. some of us will be at kao's condo in vegas...i plan to bring some board games (taboo and scrabble for the lucky ones), a good book or two and a bikini. nothing big, no big shot gambling...just hanging out with the bro's....maxin' and relaxin' and staying away from no good. ; ) (if you started singing the fresh prince song give yourself 10 points)



i just have to get thru this long dreadful work week. has it been draggin' for anybody else? today i was actually caught in mid zombie face....you know the open-mouthed blank stare at your computer screen...hee hee...



today wasn't a complete drain of energy though...i found a job posting at my company that i'll be applying for soon..i'd be writing : ) yeah for journalism! i got to see my dear boo e who's unfortunately sick. i brought her some chicken soup and power-c. ya can't go wrong with the naked drinks yo! i have to take care of my girls!!! then argued with kao about going out to vegas. he obviously won so i'll be leaving at 3 a.m. friday morning...he's about to unleash the beast!



b put it best. sometimes you just have to get away...leave la. she's a very smart chick.

hang on to your heifas

5.08.2007
so the most wonderful man in the world just vowed to marry me and treat me like a princess. so what if he's 3 : ) i heart jalen.




sometimes i get really girly emotional and go on praise patrol...i feel like doing that now. : )



i talk about my girlfriends a lot and how swell they are but i still need to give them their props more often because they really do make my world go round. my two best friends in the whole wide world seriously had me laughing so hard my stomach hurt and lifted my spirits even more than they already were today. thanks for the owl story j...lol. sigh.



then ms. b is the queen of perspective...no one else can shake me over the phone quite like she can. i got cho back girl and you've got mine!



e, even though i haven't talked to her in a straight minute, reminds me of home and family...i love the fact that she can jam to classic rock with her fellow sister girl.

her sister and partner in crime--t, the twin, is my gully friend for life (look that up heifa if you west coasts don't know what it means)



bree shares my tinsel town dreams, rushell is the best example of a strong successful career woman that i know, chele is my teacher in every sense of the word....the sister girls back home, vikk, ellen, jenn, teresa, cuz, i'm seriously lucky as heck to have them all...they make my world go round : )



in a couple of weeks i'm having a slumber party for some ladies to show them how much i heart them. i was talking to a girl that i work with and she was surprised at the idea of a grown woman having a slumber party...i had to school her...having good women in your corner is the best thing. no matter what they're there for you. find some good ones and hang on to the heifas!



i love you all and thank you...i hope i give back what you give me...it's a lifetime goal. call me oprah jr....without the black diamond hoop earrings of course. : )

left with a choice..make sure it's a good one

5.07.2007
looking back thru your past can be a very sad experience...friends we're no longer close with...memories of our mistakes...even the good times tug at my heart a little. just in a different way.




i think i've gone zombie a little too long. it's time to have one of those reality checks that help you remember who the heck you are. me personally, i look in the mirror and i don't recognize the person looking back so i have to speed thru the last whatever amount of time since my last check and figure out where to go from there.



here's what i have so far. lying to yourself is a nasty nasty habit. i find myself getting caught up on other's perceptions of me. yes, people are shushing me right now for saying that but don't we all care to a point? there's always a level of rationality but at the same time i read old emails from friends who i no longer speak to and how one choice changed everything. i still stand by what i chose...it was the most real thing i had ever known BUT somehow that part (the real part) was lost and now i'm just left with a choice i made a really long time ago. i wish i could change that. i've never encountered this kind of sadness until that choice and it's hard because i did it all in good faith.



my heart is so full of emptiness right now...it's all i think about...the fact that it can't be filled...it's the worst feeling. one choice...



maybe i should get this ish taken care of before i let the perceptions of others devour me. that's basically what happens ya know. so yeah...the truth in a nutshell.

join the joyride

5.06.2007
yesterday rocked!




doctor tish has a new prescription for those growing up too quickly...magic mountain!!!



things have been so stressful as of lately...being a big kid sucks most days so when b requested a bunch of us go ride some coasters for her birthday i jumped at the chance. i had my head officially rattled at least four times and yelled explitives more than i ever have before ...hee hee. we chowed down on some funnel cake. life was perfect. by the time we left the park (10 hours of play!) we were exhausted to the bone. my kind of tired.



made for a perfect saturday that's for sure.



p.s. b, don and i witnessed a woman yelling "ya'll looked pree-plexed and sheet" she's my new heroe

a patch for you my dear

5.03.2007
a friend of mine lost a friend recently to a heartless act of violence. i lost my father and a part of my soul never recovered...i feel like my dad put a patch on my heart that allowed me to handle the pain to come a little easier...whatever easier means. i wish i could give that patch to my friend right now.




life's hard and i lose perspective and i hate that events like this help get it back. my heart goes out to my friend....

the definitive me

my best friend told me the best story the other day...




before oprah was oprah she read a little ole book called _the color purple_ and fell in love. she knew she had to be in the movie that was coming out so she auditioned...didn't hear anything for months and then right when she was working on accepting the fact that she couldn't have all her dreams steven spielberg called...



if you're just tuning in to tishy's talk time then you missed the blog that's oh so similar to oprah's story...any day now my writing lady is going to call me with the beautiful news that i'm in! in my element...



someone watched a performance i did once and asked for my autograph and that meant so much to me. i hold on to those moments...auditioning for an acting class back home and the teacher stopping me to tell me i had brilliant instinct....i have to remember these things to keep me going. it's not conceited lol...when i'm not acting i'm not alive. i've put up with some lousy tish for quite some time. one thing i've learned is that i can't reach my definitive self when i'm not in my element (yes i keep coming back to that word)



i went from thinking, living, breathing visualizing being an actress to getting wrapped up in a weird version of something i think was love and it took me away from all that i knew and was so now i'm working on getting back to me...getting back to to the life i'm supposed to have.



there's a del taco burrito on tv that looks oh so good. i was told tonight i'm the ultimate bachelor when it comes to my living style...yes i'm somewhat of a tomboy but a tomboy who luvs some grey's anatomy. this stuff is great can i just say that? have you ever noticed how they started both shows, grey's and this new spin off with patient humor....grey's used to revolve around the stuff...adds something special doesn't it? the woman in the elevator talking is kind of creepy... i love this stuff.



update: i have a thing in two weeks with a group of working actors...a friend hooked me up. : ) new friends...yeah!

journalism is not what it used to be

5.02.2007
i woke up this morning and turned on the news...10 minutes of news is all i can handle. (journalism school jacked a girl up in the head!) today, unfortunately, proved my theory that journalism has taken a turn for the worse correctly. (read volunteer slavery...great book on journalism and the office politics that consume it...then pick up a dave berry book--he's great on the press)




what happened to the days of true muckrakers?...truly unbiased news reporting and worse off...what happened to freedom of the press? the story that brought about such questions: the immigrant rallies that happened all around the nation yesterday. specifically one in la...police were called in after hearing there could be a possible disturbance and went crazy on the crowds...i saw police with clubs and rubber bullets pounding away on journalists and their camera persons...one journalist kept saying "we're just trying to get to our car"...what the heck is up with folks today?



is that one of the many reasons reporting has gone down the proverbial hole? fear? i think this was a rare occasion but who knows...that could just be me being the forever naivete. the reasons why i have not a clue but that doesn't change the fact that journalism is not what it used to be in the good ole days...

can't wait for the 'now what'

today i went to the sony studios in carson city to meet up with a girlfriend of mine. she can get great sony discounts...thus making tishy a very happy girl. i was able to replace my camera. :) yeah




the best part of the whole experience though....walking on sony pictures' lot. as soon as my foot hit the pavement a chill went thru my body. i can't wait to work at that place...it just felt so perfect. i was so happy...happier than i've been in a long time. just being in that element...where the magic happens. my girl is a personal life coach and she was discussing how she meets with this group of people who are in the element doing what they love and discuss how to keep going. she told a story about a guy that said he had reached his goals and was now wondering where to go from there..."now what"...i can't wait for my "now what". it's gonna be a love-ly day ya'll....lovely day.



so now i'm just working on elliminating the bitterness i hold for the fork in the path i had to take...i've had two this year....my break up forked me onto a new path and this did...financially. everything happens for a reason but i can't help but think what would have happened if i didn't have to fork out an obscene amount of money on this thing...i had to cancel a lovely eyebrow wax for starters...just call me caterpillar bert.



p.s. there are so many things in the air that i can't say...that can't even form in my brain and transfer to my fingers to type. it's stifling and sad...
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