b alliteration

3.30.2007
dude i just wrote a huge long blog about basically everything i said yesterday. talk about monotonous boob i am....yes, learning from my relationships is very important. i , by no means, want to be a repeat offender/victim but jeez....i get the hint.




it's friday!!!! i'm catching up on a show i've missed a couple of episodes of...plan on cleaning up --there's a heap of trash sitting in my kitchen that makes my butt twitch but hints dont work...i spaz. later tonight it's bowling with the babes and that's about it for me and my friday night. oh i forgot burritos by brandi...alliteration and me are great buddies lately.



tgif!

finding your rhythm divine

3.29.2007
soul searching 101




mr enrique iglesias is gonna help me out with this one..."all we really need to do is find our rhythm divine".



there's this quote about defining someone's character based on the friends they keep. i was jacked up this morning because friend wise i pick some swell folks, but boyfriends and i never seem to mesh too well and unfortunately a sister is judged like whoa based on how she hangs in a relationship (unfortunately). don't believe me? one person: halle berry. "she's fine but she crazy!" how many dudes do you know that say that?



basically i don't know how to do that whole dating thing lately and i surely don't want to be defined by that cuz if i was ya'll would be talkin' about me like i'd been slapped in the ear like a certain someone lol...sigh i just can't believe that's the defining characteristic. is how we love some guber it?! no no no!...



to rebel against this notion i've been taking mental notes and doing things i enjoy instead of staying in my plato cave and accepting others' shadows....thus locating my rhythm divine...you never knew enrique was a philospher did ya?



i've been hiking lately, going to small intimate concerts with friends to vibe on new music, watching the cool movie flicks that make ya go hmmm, reading again!!! painting is coming....being out and about is lovely. i'm going bowling this weekend with some gal pals of mine this friday and that should be a riot (they're loca!) coffee and good conversation, movies, painting resting, reading.



on the acting front i wrote angela back. april is approaching like it's on crack. tv time tishy!!! (oh alliteration!)



alright. i must go offer my sweat to the hill gods...find my dang breathing rhythm!



peace!

peace from stupidity

3.28.2007
so apparently bad stuff comes in two's...




i had two little wart friends...and now i have two little zit twins that have formed small planets on my face...perfectly symmetrically apart on my laugh lines. on the brighter side of things when i smile you can't see the little rascals so i smile quite often lately.



my lips are pretty lethal lately. (oh alliteration!)...i've just been the uber grouch and i can't figure out what the heck has happened...well yes i do. a bunch of little things are knawing at me and i think i've just snapped.



how do i stop this? ...i'm expecting birthday mail i still haven't received that's driving me crazy, i have a gift i'm working on that i can't seem to finish...funds are getting low...i've got bad stuff happenin' with mr. texas...he probably won't be coming now. i'm restless....i need to get it out somehow but i can't...life just fall into place!...just fall into place please.



aight. i'm going to clean my room...maybe that will help cleanse my soul...i swear that ish works...cleaning helps every kind of ailment! i just need to have a moment of pure laughing hysteria...or better....a large dose of cinnamon and some peace from stupidity. who's with me?!!!

i saw love

3.26.2007
man i saw love today and it turned everything around....everything.




i was hanging with my boy, d. we went and got some thai food that was mad yummy and then we caught this flick i've been wanting to see for months called 'the namesake' (more on that later). after it was over we were walking back to the car...mind you the sherman oaks galleria mall is an outside mall...really weird structure but cool...so we're walking thru the wind tunnel from hell when all of a sudden we see this cute little old couple...probably in their early to mid 70's huddled together dancing...no music...just swaying in the middle of the tunnel, giggling their heads off. it was the most beautiful thing. i had to be hard and cool in front of my new bud but if i could have i would have sat down on a bench and just watched them...possibly would have cried. who knows with my emotional behind.



i don't know how to make it work for me, but i swear i keep seeing the most wonderful acts of love produced by couples...the girl who did my make up the other day, a couple in the movie i just saw...my cute little dancing lovebirds. sigh...man if it wasn't so biting butt cold out i'd think spring was pumpin in a love breeze. who knows...



so back to the namesake. it was a really good movie. it's only playing in limited areas, but i wish it wasn't. it's one of those garden state classics. i can say this even though i didn't agree with the ending...and that is a classic drop jaw moment if you know me...i HAVE to love the ending in order to recommend such a thing. by the way it had a fabulous soundtrack! there are so many deep full characters. i'd be interested in taking a group of friends to see it and listen to what each one would pull from it. there's no one lesson, no one story or voice...it was beautiful...there were definitely parts where i could see a critic saying they were trying to do too much in a short amount of time but it was beautifully chaotic...



on the love front. i think i'm seriously loosing my marbles. to love someone and hate them? to love them and not know them? to love them and never want to see them again? is this normal behavior? i think not. then there's more! i'm trying to hang on to a younger version of me, followed by the now me...the me i want to be and the me i should be...i'm trying to put all of these women into sentences that i send to mr. texas and see if he can hang lol...i laugh but honestly it's quite sad. i have no freaking clue as to when i'll get my heart and head together. i may never. i think maybe i should keep my mouth shut and not speak until i figure things out cuz i just keep meddling.



today my body is sore from my beautiful hike. i'm tired because i've ate too much. i'm dizzy from the dancers and i'm happy to have the friends i do..i like talking about 'em. can you tell? today d took me thru this neighborhood with all of these beautiful big homes and i sat there like a little kid going "whoa!..." the whole time...then i wondered if people with big houses already ever do the same or if their ability to appreciate something goes away once they have it or something similar. do you always have to lack something in order to appreciate it? i get scared i'll be that person someday...i hope not. therefore i appreciate my friends and get giddy when i think of them.



el fin

my hike

3.25.2007
p.s. i had the most AMAZING hike today with my girl...i wasn't dying quite like last week's hike...i was running up hills, doing jumping jacks as soon as we'd reach the tops...jogging on the downhill portion of the trail which is a good little distance. i felt so alive up there in those hills...




after the hike, e and i went to trader joe's and grabbed us some yummy oranges and sat in a park stretching and munching away on the freshest fruit...it was a good start to my day. i mentioned in my last blog...i love my life :)

my hike

p.s. i had the most AMAZING hike today with my girl...i wasn't dying quite like last week's hike...i was running up hills, doing jumping jacks as soon as we'd reach the tops...jogging on the downhill portion of the trail which is a good little distance. i felt so alive up there in those hills...




after the hike, e and i went to trader joe's and grabbed us some yummy oranges and sat in a park stretching and munching away on the freshest fruit...it was a good start to my day. i mentioned in my last blog...i love my life :)

hadaka

i just had the most amazing experience at this brand new restaurant that opened up on sunset called hadaka sushi...i don't know where to begin.




i'll start with the company i kept for the evening...have you ever had a moment where you're kicking back with your peoples and you just have this aha moment where you realize just how all-around dope the conversations you're having with someone are? there's this woman that i'm friends with and i swear everytime i see her she gives me this amazing knowledge that helps me with current and sometimes not even public mental battles...just there at the right time to say the right thing...she gave me what i needed to hear to turn my day completely around. (earlier i had been text sparring with someone over something that was consuming us both in bad energy) i forgot all about the stress and just focused on what she was talking about.



then the girls for our dinner party show up and we're seated. ok now i know a lot of the ladies out there who read this blog have seen sex and the city before...each week we witnessed the ladies going to different cool and trendy spots...we all wanted to go to those places...the hot newness.



i did that tonight! we were those ladies and i was totally LOVIN' the concept...total naughty kinkiness at its best. you walk into dark red walls, elaborate rich chandeliers, asian landscape architecture and great naughty music...they were playing all the goodies...the best was when they played ingenue...a song from the great expectations soundtrack that i've loved for years...there was just this sexy vibe that had me blushing in a good way.



so then you sit down and your cute little decked out waitress (they wear these lingerie-type thingies that are totally adorable) asks you if you want a 'naughty' menu or a 'nice' menu lol...i of course chose the naughty along with two of my girls--one woman chose the nice which we of course teased her for...who would have thunk menu selection would be so fun?! so...the best part...you read the naughy menu and immediately start busting out laughing..they have sushi rolls called "deep throat", "afterglow", edame's called "sex beads"...we had cheese puffs called "fried balls" lol...you don't even know...i had a mango lolita to drink that was THE best mojito i've ever sipped AND they have a soft liquor license which means nothing's overpowering or strong...not a hint of alcohol taste...just how i like it. the drink had fresh mango sorbet in it with this asian liquor similar to vodka....mmm it was yummy.



i forgot to mention that my home girl's brother is the main chef there so of course we were spoiled rotten...he along with another chef he worked with kept bringing us all of these goodies to try and give suggestions and feedback on (it was their opening night) i had the most beautiful sushi...i had this halibut on rice that he had put this light wasabi glaze over...it was the most succulent scrumptious food...i can honestly say it was orgasmic ha!...every roll they brought out was some kinda taste i've never experienced before...when i say i couldn't stop eating...i couldn't stop eating!



i think it would be a hilarious fun place to go to on a first date...i can't imagine a boy's face when his angelic date orders an XXX...yes, that's something on the menu!



there's even a room you pay $1,000 to enter where you have what they call "naked sushi". a naked woman lies on a table and is covered with banana leaves on certain areas of her body...lol. all of the sushi is placed on her and you grub away. nice, eh? we got to visit inside the room...it's got beautiful fur carpets, big plush pillows and low tables....we entered just as madonna's "justify my love" came on...fitting?



all in all it was a GREAT time that i'm so thankful for...spending time with your friends and laughing that hard is what life is for i think. it was the perfect ending to a good ole weekend.



and restaurants like hadaka prove to me that los angeles isn't all that bad after all...you're always entertained.



i love my life

drunk dialing sucks!

3.24.2007
so how come my ex drunk dialed me at 3:30 this frickin morning so he could tell me why he was angry with me. lol...it's funny how you start to see people in new and interesting ways once you've had a chance to step back.




i thought after getting out all of the crap that i've been wanting to say for so long i'd feel better but dude it just exhausted me. i was hella tired afterwards and couldn't sleep i was so angry.



i feel like i need to watch that movie, "two can play that game"...there's a whole section on transferal of energy lol..peep that out folks. it's real...i'm drained.

prom 2007

3.22.2007
ahh how i heart prom days...you wake up and start the beautification process...make up, hair...all that girlie stuff that i'm usually not the least bit interested in is suddenly fun and oh so necessary.




blogs will be short for a while though cuz there's a domestic thing i apparently can't get down with...sewing. i totally took a chunk out of my finger trying to get damn thread out of a spool...that crap was bleeding so profusely that i had to lie down lol...had me a little loopy i must say.



my girlie c's birthday prom was a beautiful thing...



we danced and danced...and had a blast. my girls seriously make the world a better place. i laugh my hardest when i'm with them. so yeah...prom was good...my fingers gonna make it i think and i'm about to go on a monster nasty hike again tomorrow morning so i'm hitting the sack...right now!



oh! my date was a hoot too. i've never known a dude that gets faded quite like he does lol...chris you the man son! have another hennesy on tiff...ha!



i think i've officially erased my bad prom '99. mission accomplished.

rock chalk jayhawk go ku!

ku just won against southern illinois : ) today my friends is a very good day : )




it's crazy that the boys were playing here in california. a little bit of home...sigh



i'm gearing up for this weekend. tomorrow should be a good day...i'm saying goodbye to a friend at the jobby job after work followed by a date night with my gal pal b. i think she's gonna make me see 300 again which i don't mind at all : )



saturday is my prom. my mom wrote me to say she shipped off my prom dress. so now i may be totally prommed out (new word i just made up?) i should start starving myself now cuz i was a size 0 in high school lol...basically!



ucla bruins are playing currently but the game's about to get cut for ugly betty...i saw my team play...the rest is just bonus : )

random!

um Ryan Seacrest was talking about warts this morning on KiisFM...It's an epidemic I say!

my white boy shuffle

3.21.2007
so i have a favorite book called _white boy shuffle_.




i relate to the main character...this little black boy who grows up in a culture not his own which scares the pee out of his momma, forcing her to move him to the hood so that he'll 'become his peoples' in a sense.



...i felt the white boy shuffle moment tonight when i was chillin at the roxy watching james morrison perform, but it wasn't askward or weird. it felt so good to be around a gang of different peoples and just chill. i had a surreal moment where i stepped outside of myself and observed everything including me and it was just mad beautiful. of course that means the concert was AMAZING. john mayer and jessica simpson were there to watch this cat...not that he nor jessica simpson validates coolness but yeah...you feel me?



this cute little brit was SANGING his cute little brittish heart out and it was dope to witness. perfect night...chillin on sunset with b listening to kick arse good music.



p.s. i've named my warts...laverne and shirley they are. they'll be gone tomorrow...hopefully they won't return in syndication but yes, i've named them.



alright...time for bed my luvs...listen to the brit! it's homework! www.jamesmorrisonmusic.com

warty jenkins

wow sometimes i forget that anyone can read my blogs lol...




mr. soulmate, who now has the new nickname mr. texas because it's catchy and cute read my stuff today and sent me a couple of texts...i was frantically thinking back in my mind if i wrote anything that would embarrass the crap out of me, but i'm all good...for that split moment though...lol...sweating folks...i was sweating. the funny thing is i love blogging...dishing on my dirt... doesn't bother me in the least. it should maybe but na, not so much : ) as long as there's a happy filter that is...hee hee



so today i seriously kicked out the bad news bear mentality i was carrying around...i'm going to this concert tonight with my oh so hot chica, b and life should be fun and carefree.



something gross to share? i'm getting a wart removed from my darn foot tomorrow and that ish scares me. would if i can't drive? what if the pain is unbearable? who in the heck gets warts on their feet?! better be ok for the prom this weekend that's all i've got to say...



there's someone out there that thought i was really cool and crushworthy that just now threw up in their mouth a little bit : ) hee hee...i'm lovin' it!

grey

3.20.2007
I've figured something out. When you're in a relationship you exist in this odd semi-fake world…you see and comprehend the outside world but it's somehow fuzzier than the love standing in front of you..it's all you think and know…then that life ends and you suddenly wonder what life is real….was real. A new self is born…completely different, more aware, alert, jaded, free, WHATEVER than the one before. The sheer act of breaking up creates someone new so how in the heck do you go back to an ex blindly? You don't. sometimes it works (take the old cute couple from the movie 'when harry met sally') but it's rare…it takes real work and real acknowledgement of the fact that once A left B, a C was created…enough letters for you? I'm a C now and I'm really trying to get used to my new skin…new heart. I'm scared to try anything old…all these dudes are the reason I am the way I am today…I want to thank 'em and shoot 'em! First love is coming April 12 and is staying for two weeks. I'm buggin' out ya'll. (What in the heck!)




My words and actions don't match up though cuz when he calls we just laugh our butts off and the butterflies start flittering about. lol...I was in such a bad mood about all of that this morning... It was a nasty grey day and I felt nasty grey in my heart, but I'm starting to warm up. My emotional ebs and flows are a little much...even for me.



Did I mention I'm going to prom this weekend? lol...My girlie is turning 30 and is celebrating in a wonderful way...She's going all out. I got a HAWT HAWT HAWT dress from my girlie t too so it should be fun and flirty. One of my boys is going with...He's prettier than me so this should be interesting...pictures will definitely follow.



Tomorrow I'm going to a concert with my girlie B. James Morrison. He sings like a frickin' angel. I gotta get out of my slump before then or he's gonna make me cry my eyes out with all that heart wrenching music.



i was supposed to exercise today but work drained me...all i did was a bunch of crunches...and that's just because i felt uber guilty. hmph. sad girl i am.

sunday mornings

3.18.2007
my sunday mornings are about to change. for the better i think. i just finished hiking up this amazing canyon path with my good friend e. i say good friend because the heifa put up with me huffing and puffing (literally) the whole time and complaining like an out of shape debbie downer lol...man i thought i was gonna die and this chick was swinging her arms...able to have normal conversations and was actually smiling...smiling i say. lol...i was jogging on the way down so i guess i wasn't really gonna die but she bamboozled me like no other...had me thinking we'd take a casual walk in the morning hours, enjoying nature and stuff...hmph.




that hike totally was my wake up call though. i used to be the girl that would run 3 miles a day...eat healthy and live life like it was my own personal race track. my inability to breath after 5 minutes of that walk has inspired me to get my butt in gear. my how proud my best friend will be. lol...alright jen. i hear ya. every sunday i will be hiking with my girl...getting coffee afterwards...catch up on some of my lovely reading. i like it : ) i'm gonna look like a rockstar for jen's wedding...a rockstar i say! : )



after our hike we went to farmer's market too...i saw baby goats...what would those be? billies? we saw little wee billies and bunnies and baby piglets...there's nothing better...not to mention yummy huge volumptious fruit (i didn't bring my wallet yo) and other goodies...i'll be a farmer's market junkie too i predict.



miles is playing in the background.i'm about to hit the shower, do some laundry and play some scrabble with my bud, k. nice sunday morning wouldn't you say?

my new husband....

3.17.2007
the guy from 300 that i was drooling over...tom wisdom. he's mine by the way...ya'll have to pick your own hottie. (the captain's son) hubba hubba

"just saying to myself"

today has been a cool day...




had yummy coffee at this hidden treasure spot with bree, saw 300 with a new bud and seriously came out of the theater wanting to be a spartan lol...the boys are quite nice to gaze upon ladies...be prepared....great flick though...history mangled with fun dialogue (hot dudes) and awesome cinematography...two thumbs up most definitely.



had some pinkberry....had some good conversation with my new bud and then came home and chilled. i'm downloading tunes onto oscar and reading some interesting articles about race and going after one's dreams...two separate articles. it's good stuff.



tonight's one of those saturday nights where i dig being home...even alone it's cool. i would be lying if i didn't say the thought of a relationship hasn't popped up in my head though... i wonder if this time around with the soul mate will be the time. i have an interesting perspective i've picked up thru the years...some maturity mixed with bitterness, pain, self-discovery and self-love...another crazy factor: the last time i told this man i loved him i was 18...i wonder if we can do this. start as friends and see if love and friendship are two completely different things. (we had the love at one point but i don't know if we're two totally different people incapable of being best friends)



so i'm being smart. we're not 'dating' or whatever...just talking and catching up. that's going thru my brain, that and acting...this could very well be my month...my month to finally be on set and show this world what i gots to offer :) is the world ready for a mixed chick show? according to the article i just read i believe so...



my green shamrock socks are making me quite happy at the moment. think i'll pop in prime and call it a night. go see 300. you'll have yummy dreams that's for sure! i know critics are comparing it to sin city a lot but i didn't like sin city and i loved this so just go see it.

i bleed green

is it the chicken or the egg? or neither for that matter...




so do i possess pisces qualities because someone told me i'm hella pisces on one of those chart things or was i just innately doing thangs and it happened to match up...self fulfilling prophecy or natural flow?



do i love all things green cuz i'm irish like a mug (remember there's a whole momma side of folks in my blood) or do i just LOVE the color green? i do have an answer for ya on that one....ah finally a question tishy actually knows...



i do not leave(that was a typo/freudian slip that i found amusing so i'm gonna leave it but i meant love) green because i'm irish...i love it due to an evolved love affair...it started out all things kiwi but then just to make myself even more happy i began to call even more shades of green kiwi cuz then i could squeal like a little girl whenever i wanted...and there you go...st. patty's day has always been a special day cuz it's my gram's birthday but i never went psycho like i do every year for lets say my own birfday : ) hee hee...purple was my favorite color growing up and i still have a special place for the color prince and alice walker admired but green's the new love of my life.



today is a magical day where you know your life could have gone in two very different directions so you are astutely cognizant of everything you do. i'm supposed to be in indiana today watching mr. baketball play but instead i woke up this morning in my own lovely room. it felt so good to sleep in (mind you that was 7:30 a.m.). i could hear the birds chirping...i had left my window open and there was a chilling breeze slithering in that had me smiling like no other morning i've had this week. i love saturdays!



i'm about to shower, put some GREEN on and go get my lovely eyebrows waxed...then i think i'll go have coffee with my girl bree. call my gram and wish her a happy birthday...it's sad but i have not a clue how old she is. i'll find out today. she'll tell me, right? : ) women that don't like to tell their age are weird to me so hopefully the woman i have loved since birth won't change on a sister and refuse to give the info.



anyways...tangent.



i love to play this game i made up with oscar...i figure since he's a boy, but able to be impregnated on a day to day basis he's eccentric enough to read me my future. i ask my little guy what my day will be like and he gives me the 411...i just did it. "rivers edge" from the pocahontas soundtrack came up lol....i can't find my ear buds so it will be a moment before i can let you know what the heck kinda mood that is : ) i'm thinking it's lovely and enchanting...that's what i'm feeling right now.



everything that happens today is supposed to happen...there's something very beautiful about that...definitely takes the pressure off : )



happy st patrick's day



always,



green lover extraordinaire

errands, love perspectives and mail

3.16.2007
i just wrote the most amazingly clever blog...i seriously had been writing it for over an hour and it is now gone...lost out there in that nasty black hole that myspace hords above our heads....this blogging device is the devil i say! EL DIABLO!




so basically...in a nutshell...(i'm writing this with the worst sour face possible)



there were three things totally bothering me this week that i need to get off my chest...things that have been boils on my butt (what's that from e?)



the first being my darn mail. i had this great birthday but the next day i started receiving notes from friends and family asking why i didn't call and talk to them about the card/gift/etc. that they sent...i couldn't because my darn mail person did something funky to our lock box and isn't able to leave mail now...so i finally got the week's mail today and while i'm still missing quite a bit i did get some kiwi-rific goodies from my buds. my best bud sent me a cd entitled "13" that is oh so good. i've been rocking out since i opened it--she frickin put a wicked tune on there...you can't go wrong with wicked! my childhood bud, l.a. sent me a framed picture of the two of us from her wedding...touching i must say...i love getting great surprises like that...darn you mail person!...trying to still my joy..how dare...



as for this weekend...well i'm supposed to be on the east coast visiting "mr. basketball" and watching him play in one of his last games but thursday i was feeling like royal ish so i canceled. instead i plan to run errands that will help my life function a little better, chill, read, write, hang with a new bud at work that wants to see an indie flick with me and sleep sleep sleep ; )



love perspectives: lol....sigh. today i had a moment. here's the deal. my soul mate/first love literally popped back into my life this week and we've been catching up...he's the guy that knows the human basic core tish and while the moment i opened his email on my birthday will go down as one of my sweetest moments i'm confused as heck right now...i've got so much bitterness and confusion and angst for my ex....it just ended so weird...there was a lot of dishonesty and i just can't wrap my mind around the fact that this dude could switch it up on me like that...it makes it so hard to embrace the good...i can physically feel this hard lump in my heart...



my best friends have given me a homework assignment that they say will take this whatever out of me. i'm supposed to pray for this ex and all of his horrible cohorts every morning--pray for something good, say something good about them...it sounds ridiculous and impossible but i'm willing to try anything...i'm desperate to let go of this crap in me so i can live my life right.



while this crap is definitely chillin in my frontal lobe region i still, thankfully, have the gumption to see the good stuff. today, for instance, i stopped and smelled the roses...and calla lillies, iris, daisies...(i love birthday flowers.) i began to book things for my best bud's upcoming bachelorette par-tay in vegas, i had lunch with b and shared a really really good jack daniels hamburger (no regrets when you share) and cracked up with the soul mate/first love over some old but good memories. i haven't let the black spidey man tish take over completely.



alright..it's sleep time. the pillow is calling. oh happy day!

my birthday day is as great as i wanted it to be

3.13.2007
you know the cartoons where the down and out guy is walking with his head down and a sad grey cloud is following him whereever he goes?




my day was the antithesis of that. : )



i woke up this morning, got ready for work...put on my new favorite green shirt and flipped on the radio to catch the traffic report...of course there was a nasty accident the exit right before the entrance i take to get on the freeway so i set out, preparing myself for the worst. the crazy thing is as soon as i got on the frickin freeway it was empty because of that lovely truck spill so i zipped to work...cruising along to my favorite song of the day "clumsy" by fergie...if you haven't heard it, check it out...you seriously can't have a bad day when it's on. it makes you want to shout and sing at the top of your lungs.



so yeah i get to work and people from my department spoiled me rotten with flowers, candy, gifts, cards FOOD...sigh...emails from my favorite buds...it was just a great day. a GREAT day...i love my birthday...man how i love it. my mom even sent me a cute email talking about how when i was a toddler i would stand by our window and watch the big kids get home from school..she said i always wanted to be bigger and she just wishes she could turn back time and make me that small again...had me crying up in my place of employment ya'll! gotta love that...



and here's a stinker that my best friend will probably shake me for...i've been thinking a LOT about my ex-fiance...the last couple of months and then hot and heavy for the last three weeks...i've been trying to locate him but i'm stubborn...when i'm hurt by someone i erase their numbers, email addresses and any other form of contact that i could use in a weakened state. i gave up and just thought it was for the best...then today i'm sitting at work wondering why some of my other ex's hadn't written...i mean i know that could be weird but i'm actually friends with some of them...and for some reason i needed the validation this year that i'm actually cool post break up : ) i gots a whole lotta NOTHING from those dudes...then i come home (sigh big smiles) and i get into my hotmail account because my best friend told me to check for an e card and there waiting for my reply was a sweet email from him...the ex fiance wishing me a happy birthday (REMEMBERED!) and some sweet well wishes.



explain that to me! explain it good! :)



i'm now about to go out to a surprise din din with my girlies ( i told them all to wear green...lol. they don't know how fanatical i am about the dang color so i doubt they take me seriously) i'm about to get some sangria (they assure me it will be there) and enjoy this wonderful life of mine.



ain't life swell? this WHOLE month is about to be on point. oh...and if anyone wants to get me a great gift...i need help with my bracket this year...i haven't been paying attention enough : ) hee hee...hook a sister up with some stats.



always,



t

windows of dating opportunity

3.12.2007
..and for the record.




what should the window of opportunity be on dating someone? what's the date limit before you start wondering if you're destined to be homies or if you're actually dating?



i think i've been pushed into the friend category but i REFUSE to pursue someone at this point in my 25.9 years of life! i just can't do it. "back in the saddle again" is playing in my head...

if loving my birthday is wrong i don't wanna be right!

did i ever mention that i frickin' love my birthday?! tomorrow i turn the big 26. i'm officially over the hump lol...




i'm hoping i have a lovely stress free day filled with lots of love..those always make for the best days ya know. last years birthday was really hard on me...divorce/family issues kind of clouded the good kiwi vibes but this year is my year and everything points to the day being swell. there's a tiny part of me that feels hurt the ex won't be a part of this years celebration...the single factor is starting to grow on me but holidays still give me tiny little kicks...i mean tiny ya'll!



i plan to go out to dinner with some of my girlie twirlies and it should be a sangria-rific good time : ) you know i have to have it! my room smells of sangria right now...candles rock.



as for writing in the journal...reflecting on the last 25 years of my life... i don't know how much reflection i'll actually do...i'm seriously just looking ahead at what life will bring me as a 26 year young woman.



isn't life grand? my fatima is coming to visit hopefully next week. i need some wonderful guy reflection cuz the dudes out here do NOT make for very good conversationalists lol...sheesh.



alright...my birthday eve has been busy but relatively swell...bring on the day of birth celebration!!! i'm ready!

the end of vacation is tragic

3.11.2007
man....




i HATE coming off of a vacation high. it's the WORST man...i swear i'm trying to come up with every excuse possible for prolonging the vay-kay just a little mo longer



san francisco was beautiful...a beautiful mess though. while the architecture, history and landscapes are breathtaking it was so scary to drive around in...i thank GOD that my girl chele didn't drive a stick because those hills were atrocious. i had my first car panic attack i do believe because of the wreckless crazy mentality san franscisco cats drive with. my poor girl took it like a champ but i felt horrible for putting the girls in that situation...i definitely recommend taxis if you ever go to visit.



we did a lot of fun stuff though. i saw the golden gate bridge of course, we visited the curviest street in the world, saw some really cool buildings that chele referred to as the luke skywalker and darth vader buildings, took a ferry around alcatraz...(sent chills up my spine a couple of times) and watched some sea lions right off the bay. (they were cute but stinky)



ate in downtown (lol....made ourselves sick because we went too long without food) shopped and then left san fran to take a quick tour at chele's alma mater, stanford....that's a great campus to visit and tour...it's beautiful and there was some darn flower aroma that was seriously lulling me into la la land...enchanting...and standford itself, surreal.



all in all it was a great weekend...coming home to my stinkin bedroom and chillin on myspace is not what i really felt like doing, but i figure i have to jot it all down before the energy totally leaves my body. (5.5 hours in the car will do that to ya...even if you and your girl are rockin' out to the good stuff on oscar)



pictures will follow soon. i don't need to go back to san fran anytime soon lol...my nerves have had enough but i love being around my friends and just actin' a fool. now i have to go back to work tomorrow...(cue depressing sad music with strings) sigh...



oh! b got me the BEST socks for my birfday...one pair have sushi on them...if you didn't already know i'm obsessed with odd socks...they make me happy to wear so sushi socks that happen to be green sushi socks rocked my world. then ms. chele found me a sangria candle that smells divine...man they knew how to charm the panic right off of me yesterday!...and that's crazy that all that happened just one day ago... my how time flies when you're having a blast

101

3.08.2007
101 peeps read my blogs today. that's some kinda record for me. : )




yeah for people reading!!!

san francisco bound

i love traveling...i love road trips and i LOVE my friends for coming up with the brilliant idea to celebrate my birfday in frisco. how absolutely positively divine is that?! i can't wait to see the architecture, history, trend, beauty....ugh. it's going to be disgustingly good fun.




b and i are waking up at the butt crack of dawn and heading out. i've prepared the ipod...we'll be rockin out hardcore.



i heard the best quote in a movie the other day...basically the guy said life doesn't wait for you to decide you're ready...whether you've got the guy, the great job, the life you dreamed of having is irrevelant to Ms. Life...she keeps moving and you just have to open your eyes and accept it...damn it, enjoy it! i have my "i'm single and this is borring as heck" moments but for the most part i couldn't be happier.



my girl b was born and raised in LA and has never ventured into northern cali...i can't wait to show her how beautiful it is. chele has all kinds of goodies planned too...a fashion show featuring a bud of ours that chele was kind enough to introduce me to (the 'nation' has an excellent network..that ish is better than verizon!), drinks at her abode (my girl is probably THE best bartender i've ever encountered...can a sister get another gummy bear?!) standford early saturday morning and then....frisco. i have to keep calling it frisco because it totally fits the mood and energy i assume the city has...laid back artistically perfect splendor--a place so dope a beautiful man left his heart there...high expectations? it happens! we're going to get on a ferry and tour alcatraz...we're doing it all folks! man i'm about to nerd it up and journal the mess out of this stuff!!!



i'm the luckiest girl ever...why? because i find joy in the good stuff...(warning: flashback is about to commence)



when i and my ex took j to san diego for her birthday he couldn't understand why we were so happy and excited by the things he had probably seen a thousand times...i didn't see the flashing red lights on that one but my best bud sure did pick up on it...after we broke up she hipped me to the fact that he couldn't appreciate the little things and that said a lot about his character....now i frickin pay attention to that...you can tell a lot about a person based on their ability to love the little things...remember that!



alright. it's late. time to hit the sack....did you pack underwear? yes. a toothbrush? yes.....camera?......

music was the key

3.06.2007
tonight was my creative night...i had some 'projects' i'm working on for my best friend and so i decided to combine them with some cd burning time for my buddy e. i don't know what happened but when tha lady gave me full go to put whatever i wanted on a disc something clicked.




music is so wonderful...it can say so much about a gal. as i sifted thru tunes memories started floating in...i'd listen to one song and remember a high school love, my mom singing to me as a kid...then the next minute i'd remember a college term paper that wouldn't have been created without the inspiration of so and so's album...



if a stranger were to pick up the cd i'd like to know what they would assume about me...there's an eclectic mix of stuff that makes me happy, leaves me in a meloncholy state of mind, makes me think...inspires....



i swear it's moments like this...sitting down in my pile of creative mess, listening to the cd, eating a snack pack and drinking sangria that i'm most happy with myself. i'm comfortable in my own skin. that's one of the best feelings...i've come a long way and been thru some interesting obstacles, but i've maintained some perspective and a dang good sense of humor so i approve.



i found old photos and emails from my ex fiance (aka first love) tonight too and i'm seriously twitterpatted with that period in my life. the ex and i were pretty much the cutest stuff life could conjure up...young love lol...put me in a tootin good mood. but now, alas, the sangria has kicked in so i must bid you farewell. grammama can not stay up past 10!



my advice: if you're feeling down make a cd for someone else...for some reason that ish works!!!

pisces me

3.04.2007
lol...being single has its ups and downs. perspective is the key to being happy in this case. this weekend was slow and whatever so today i decided to swap some bad energy for some good stuff and take myself out for a date. i've had some yummy sushi, followed by some applejacks : ) i'm going to take myself to the movies tonight and see "notes on a scandel". this is the test..see how i do in different waters: a silly fish thrown into the big sea.




p.s. i may be getting another tattoo next weekend in san fransisco...i want a word that encompasses me that has to do with my dream and my life. got anything wordsmiths?

a charming saturday morning

3.03.2007
There's something charming about lazy Saturday mornings. I woke up, checked my email accounts and then went out into my living room to catch the ku game. (They won their 1900th game by the way.) My living room smelled of a lovely cauliflower aroma which had me throwing up in my mouth a little (gotta love roommate cuisine). I took out the trash…in my college sweatshirt, green snowmen pajama bottoms and green fuzzy socks. I peaked around the corner…made sure no one could see me looking like a crackhead…dumped the goods and tippy-toed back to my abode.






Lit some cinnamon candles, made some cinnamon tea…mmm. The game ended and I began to watch "You've Got Mail" on the HBO Spanish channel. Very interesting to hear the part of the movie where she's describing her favorite pride and prejudice words in espanol…hee hee. How do you translate "thither and felicity?" I doubt it was an accurate one.









I liked it so much I had to pull out my copy and start watching it. You can learn so much about life by watching this flick…I know someone who I used to refer to as the "great vascillator" who is smack dab the person Tom Hanks is describing as a Starbucks person…for those that can never make up their mind Starbucks gives them peace in the form of silly choices. Lol…good movie.





I plan to have a day filled with laziness and chill. I need peace cuz I've had a lot of nastiness lately…I'm trying to rid that crap from my heart. It's not good for a sister. I was talking to my boy tnoon this morning and I was telling him about this heinous email I received from a terrible person here in Los Angeles and he said to me, "Welcome to LA, there's lots of folks like that there"…Is that true? Can geography determine your nasty level or is it unique to Los Angeles? Not that any of my direct friends are nasty….they're wonderful. I'm proud of myself for finding their little butts…just askin...









I have two worlds happening here. I have this open and hopeful heart in regards to my acting career and then I have this ex and his friends paining me…only way to describe it…paining.









The acting career: it's about to pop off! I can feel it in my bones!!! How crazy will it be when I'm on tv and all of this happens?!









Tom Hanks looks like my grandpa. Hmm…tax time! I'm using the money to fix my brakes...tired of the EEEEEEEEEEK sound I hear everywhere I go. I think I've now got out every weird thought entering my head. I'm good now. My sister just called so that I would sing the diahrrea song to her and her friends via speaker phone and I can hear Louis Armstrong in the background of my flick. Life is now complete.

i felt my purpose...don’t take that in a naughty way

3.01.2007
i just got out of a pretty darn awesome meeting. i just got a raise and promotion so we were discussing in this meeting when to tell the staff among other things and my director said, "you do realize this means you are obligated to stay with us for another year". i agreed and then added, "unless halle or a soap calls and then i gots to go" and i was completely serious. it felt oh so good to say that out loud...to my director of all people. it felt real... confidence felt good. "really goood" (nacho libre)




(flashback) i remember sitting at a bus stop outside of one of my college classes reading _white teeth_ and telling a boy i had just met (soon to become one of my best buds) in a confidant manner that i was going to be an actress. he told me years later that he never forgot "that tish"...a girl who knew her future and one that he believed possible.



good to know i'm still in there!



i walked out of my office building and just felt this wonderful breeze of peace and calm... i just felt like it's going to happen soon--that my life will have the purpose i have lived and worked hard for--like the trees swaying i will do what i am supposed to do too.



i've made some terrible mistakes, followed along paths that lead to not so great things but it all prepared me to be something...i'm gonna be somethin' ya'll!!!

sometimes you just need tupac and nikki

The Eternal Lament




From my mind 2 the depths of my soul



I yearn 2 achieve all of my goals



And all of my free time will be spent



On the 1's I miss I will lament



I am not a perfectionist



But still I seek perfection



I am not a great romantic



But yet I yearn 4 affection



Eternally my mind will produce



ways 2 put my talents 2 use



and when I'm done no matter where I've been



I'll yearn 2 do it all again.



-Tupac







Revolutionary Dreams



i used to dream militant dreams of taking over america to show these folks how it should be done i used to dream radical dreams of blowing everyone away with my perceptive powers of correct analysis i even used to think i'd be the one to stop the riot and negotiate the peace then i awoke and dug that if i dreamed natural dreams of being a natural woman doing what a woman does when she's natural i would have a revolution



-nikki giovanni

i heart wicked

i'm exhausted but blog i must.




i just got back from seeing wicked. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! if you only knew the day i had...how about we didn't have the tickets in our hands until 7:00 p.m....the show started at 8. it was a stressful nail biting experience, but b, my ex and i all sat in a little tiny quiet fed ex building together and waited for them to call his name...such hysterics but it was all worth it.



i want to thank my two best friends in the world for loving me enough to know that i wanted to experience this show....i don't think i've ever been as passionate about seeing something before...especially a frickin broadway musical. (not usually my thing). as soon as those tickets were in my hands though...i took off running outside and screamed "yes!"



it was everything i thought it would be too.we got down there in record timing considering los angeles traffic on a friday evening and got inside in time to go tinkle and look at the building's decor...lots of intricate greek statues and such. it was aesthetically pleasing i must say.



we sat down in our AMAZING seats...we were basically center center and i was captivated after first glance...everthing was green and glowing...lol....GREEN GREEN everywhere. i was like a kid in a candy store...i couldn't take my eyes off the stage. we saw one of the cast members from the movie dream girls there and not even stars like that could take my eyes away.



i already fell in love with the story before but seeing it come to life...sigh



they switched it around in ways i approved of (like i matter)...great story of friendship, love...politics, perspectives....ugh...it was SO clever and witty and intelligent...i loved every minute of it. j you have to see it! i cried...i laughed...i loved it...i loved it so much. i'm about to cry actually. there aren't that many things in life i get this uber excited for...wow. i can't believe i went...i'm still absorbing how powerful it was and the singing...ugh...man. ya'll don't even know but if you can see it...if you can. do so.



afterwards b and i went to mel's diner to grub and hash it out and we both agreed it was the best experience for friends to share. that was just the best ending to a good day i could ever imagine.



on my way to my audition today nina simone's " feelin good" came on and i swear that was the theme song from then on..."it's a new dawn, it's a new day....and i'm feeling good"



march is starting out pretty dang good. and i'm not just saying that because i've seen green for the past couple of hours. a guy i'm kinda seeing...i don't know what to call it just yet... asked if i wanted him to bring me back something from a business trip..i. said something green and he assumed money lol...boy does he have a lot to learn about me and the green-eyed monster i've become over the years. green does make me pretty darn happy though



i have the songs from the show in my head...vikkie was right...it does make you want to go out and buy the dang cd...hmmm



so yeah...i'd probably have more details if i wasn't so tired but maybe that's a good thing...wouldn't want to spoil the show for ya'll.



as for my fear of being somebody's nobody...i'm working on it. i think those feelings just come with this new territory i'm in and they'll pass just like they do for everyone else. i'll continue to blab about it in blog though...oh joy for you!



i've got some amazing dreams coming my way tonight...man was that a great show...one of the best performances i've ever seen.



wow

auditions

so i'm sitting here thinking about this audition i have tomorrow for a print ad...i feel like i fit in this weird category of not typical magazine pretty girl and "not fugly"...my agent keeps sending me on these auditions for 'beautiful black' and i'm scratching my head every time wondering what the heck he's trying to do.




so yes...tomorrow i have an audition for an IBM print ad. i just want to play the normal somewhat quirky girl where beauty isn't the focus. too much pressure there. the ugly betty of the mixed world. : ) sounds good to me.



i'm not comfortable in my skin tonight...i started writing this huge apology letter to someone from my past but i don't know why i need to send it just yet and i don't want to make something permanent until i know, ya know?



angela nissel sent out an email explaining that she's really busy with the final season of scrubs but after this month she'll be good and can focus on the show i want to be on...one more month...i think i can handle it!

wicked!!!

wicked is tomorrow! wicked is tomorrow!!!!!!!!!




i'm kinda scared because my girl doesn't have the tickets in her hands at the moment, but it's my birthday month (yes, i get the whole month) and i can feel that it's gonna be a good one.



i may not be doing too well in the LUUUUV department but everything else is good. i have an audition tomorrow (go mr. agent), I'M SEEING WICKED! and it's almost the weekend...time to sleep sleep sleep.



ok so i really want to blog about my inability to describe why i'm still hurting and confused and bitter about him who can not be named...well i guess i just did..but that's all i got...i don't frickin know. i need my girl felicia...she has a way of taking the nasty out of me and making me see the positive. right now though..."it's mr. nasty!" (guess that movie) i just want to hurt him like he hurt me...the worst revenge is indifference...the WORST thing you can do is be indifferent and i haven't gotten there yet. the ironic part about the indifference...you don't even care at that point if you're hurting the other...you're indifferent! ha! i just don't get it...i was sitting at my desk thinking about a night when we were laying together and he thought i was asleep and he whispered to me that he loved me...how do you truly love someone..that all-powerful word and then just forget that person existed. i think that's what gets me... i don't think he even thinks of me...i think i was a blip...a nothing and i've never been someone's nothing. wow..i think i hit a nerve cuz i'm tearing up...that's it. i'm someone's nothing. : (



don't worry though...while this pains me i don't internalize it to mean i'm nothing to everyone...i know i was put on this earth to be a someone for a lot of different people...just one small part of my big ole life.



ok i'm watching wheel of fortune...i've got a happy memory of my bubble head sister watching my mom and i play the computer version and her asking who was "dumbuss"...the word on the screen was DUMBASS. ha! good times. love the fam...love 'em!



goal for the week...be someone's someone.
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