the year of the rat

2007 is almost over...a couple more hours and i can say good bye to probably the most difficult but positive life-changing year of my adult life. i was given this amazing gift you see...the gift of change.

we receive these moments of hardship. at this point you can either complain and cry "why me" or you can realize how precious the pain can be. for some reason roses and smiles don't really propel us into takes intense changes to shake us to our core and help us grow and for the first time in my life i didn't run from the tears, my responsibilities, my faults and definitely i didn't run from the truth. i'm no longer scared of change because i'm solid now if that makes sense.

for the first time ever this new years means something to me. i am connected to the "yet to come" and i'm confident in my future because i've become the woman i've always deep down wanted to be. i have amazing dreams and amazingly good people around me and things just feel right. there's a buzz...i'm different now and i have 2007 to thank for it.

i'm so excited for the year of the rat. i don't have resolutions per say...i just can't wait to see what the new me will do. it gives me chills just thinking about the good to come.

tonight i'm going to a house party to ring in the new year with friends. we'll drink and be merry, play games and enjoy each other's company. in the past i would obsess over the date i had to have, the relationship that would surely follow...that's it!!! that's all my silly little mind could wrap my wishes and dreams i was limiting my world so much. this year i want me and the limits, no expectations other than to be the best me i can be...i want to be great.

with that being said my motto for this year, the year of the rat is "fascinate the greats in 2008"...i'm gonna make my mark ya'll. :)

to all my loved ones thank you and i hope this year is just as great for you all as well...and for all my milestone moments. i remember, i learned and i will continue to grow.

tish-esque days

so in my previous blog i mentioned a friend calling me in regards to her new relationship...i just got off the phone with fat and he opened up about some deep ish he's been going thru...not necessarily the best of situations but i'm really proud of his ability to remain clear and honest and eventhough it's hard, i know the situation will only help him and make him a better man. basically i got two good phone calls today...i was reassured twice that two of my buds are on good paths.

i'm always braggin about my sundays and today just happened to be another great tish day. i woke up and cleaned my apartment top to rid of some stuff i was hanging on to for silly reasons..making room for the new year if you will and then watched some really great movies over a cup of cinnamon coffee. life just don't get any more tish-esque than that. i was right in the throws of the movie "saved" when my fashionista called to tell me the best random news.

let me back up. a really long time ago my gram spoke to someone that read my future (the bean lady if ya'll remember) and she said some guy would help me with my acting career...crazy but true. so fast forward to 2007, the psychic i went to told me basically the same thing...i won't be romantically linked to the man the psychic referred to as "the magician" but he'll help me find my way (manager, etc.) so yeah, i've just kept my eyes open lately and then my fashionista tells me months ago that she has an actor/model friend that she believes could help me lots but she's lost contact and has no way of getting a hold of forward to today. she happens to be at some swap meat place (is that how you spell that?) anyways she runs into him randomly and tells him about me and so they both call me and he tells me he's gonna grab my number from her and call me later this week to talk. lol....what the!? aren't my friends great?! i'm gonna call him the magician. that's his nickname. who knows if he's THAT guy but everybody in my blogs needs a nickname so there ya go. : )

i love life. : )

good news on a sunday morning

how wonderful is it when ya wake up on a sunday morning and the first person you talk to gives ya good news?

i have a dear friend, the original grammama if you will, who called to tell me she's in love. how cute is that?! this girl is amazing: highly intelligent, sweet...just the best but she's always been on the more reformed side of dating...if that's the correct word...closed off a bit. she had this great relationship in the even ended great--they both remain friends, totally amicable...yadda yadda and so i was hopeful that my girl could do the darn thing...that some day the perfect guy for her would come around and voila he did : )

so she's on cloud nine because they're vacationing in miami, living it up...they work somewhat together--she's getting her doctorate in psychiatry and wants to counsel athletes, he's a coach...professionally/socially they get along great and i've never heard the girl sound so carefree on the phone. i love it when my friends are happy like this.

sometimes i look back at where we all started out and how far we've come (i'm the late bloomer of the group professionally) and it just feels me with this deep sense of pride. i have so many great female friends and they're finding their version of happy every day in all relms of their lives.

life don't get much better. now you'd think when you find happiness it's a solo moment of triumphant...oh no! i like to think it affects everyone around you and they get to join in on the happiness too lol. (remember that the next time you tell me something great and i scream on the phone.)

my dating life has been fun and it just keeps getting more and more interesting. yesterday i was at the grove, this beautiful little shopping area in los angeles, and this little girl approached me and gave me a business card spouting it was from her uncle. it was the cutest thing. i never saw the guy so it's a bit goofy but my friends got a kick out of the ordeal. my twin's husband couldn't get over the fact that he had to be booty ugly or he would have approached me himself. any thoughts?

it was different lol. we'll see if i get curious enough to email the mystery man.

lol...ain't life great?

bestest in the westest

dude my cali friends are the bestest in the westest! so here is my blog i wrote earlier in my work day:

So tonight I'm gathering some of my most lovely friends together for a wonderfully chill evening to celebrate the "it's only just begun" point in my life. We're heading for a spot called luna park ( that looks like a lot of fun.

I'm really excited to see this group of folks meet up. there's about 12 of the most diverse & interesting folks coming to the table. I've got two professors, a building contractor, an up and coming fashion designer, a PR gal, a sitcom writer and author, possibly my make up artist and her French hip hop fiance, some insurance buds and me, an insurance/out of work actor. Lol. it's gonna be the bomb…especially after I get a mojito in me!

It's not customary for me to go thru and list people's occupations at a dinner party like it's "resume 101: taking it to the streets" but this gathering tonight is to celebrate not only my beginnings but the hustles and dreams of all those that are coming. It's the perfect ending to 2007.

so yeah i've since returned from probably one of the best dinner parties i've ever hosted. it was great! the first to arrive were my pals d and evvie and those two got loose with me over some yummy sangrias (the mojitoes just weren't cuttin' it for me sadly enough) and then the gang started showing up in clusters...We had great food, great conversation, great drinks...

you may not believe it but i actually feel silly when folks sit around and gush over me usually (hush) but it was just splendid tonight that everyone was making connections and attributing little ole me as the middle man that made it all happen. i love hook ups! we seriously closed the restaurant down...the valet brought us all our keys lol and we all walked out together, hugging and giving well wishes...i loved it, i loved it i loved it. i'm getting text blasts from everyone saying how much fun they had and how my friends are all cool...and they really are. there wasn't a debbie downer in the bunch (i was a debbie downer at my last dinner party unfortunately because of circumstances beyond my control) and everyone was doing the dang thing...drinking their sangria (i started a trend there) and just cuttin up...sharing a little bit of their lives and gettin a little life from everyone else.

i'm sorry but tonight goes down in the books. i paused the group chit chat for a bit to announce that everyone at the table would have to come back on my oscar night because that celebratory energy was the shiz nit...and for my first AFTRA job..are you kidding me?! i love 'em...

and my best friend in kc was there in spirit. i told a little story about a sangria bar we loved in my ole college town (henry's) and she automatically popped into the room. j you were there girl : )

12-28 goes down in the books...yup yup yup

thick skin or bust

alright....first day recap:

lol it was hard guys. i almost cried a tiny bit. i can't start this with a negative vibe though...we'll skip to the end. am i glad i did it? yes. did i learn something new about the business today? yes i did! are my friends still awesome because they were the ones that found the positive spin? yes they are!!! lol

ok so to sum it up, the wardrobe guy was a schmuck and made fun of my clothes (in a not nice way), the two other people in the room with me were mad at me for not being AFTRA and told me how folks like me are ruining it for those actually in the if i could get there i'd be there schmucks!...

i got on set and the magic started coming...i walked by a set where the old price is right stuff was stored (for some reason this was huge for me...i got a little shaky lol) and then i started looking at all the lights, the beams, the was so cool. the lights and cameras couldn't keep me happy for long though.

being in the background is the most humbling of positions. you're just looked at like a nobody and talked to like you're a nobody, well every one treats you this way except for the lovely camera men and crew. the guys were great! this one guy watching the folks on a little tv kept making jokes to make me laugh...when i'm a big fish i will remember how people acted, remember how it made me feel. i will bring goodies for the crew and spoil them in honor of the young and the restless crew of dec 2007. i'll say hello to those just starting out in the game too. that's right yo!

i got into work all ready to start the solo tishy pity party but then my friends reminded me that i have thick skin so the party was indefinitely post poned. i still plan to go out and celebrate with my friends tomorrow night...

it's only just begun...

p.s. still little ole me

so i'm watching the hills on repeat (i'm always late to the game..i can't watch anything during the reign of its popularity....just wouldn't be me) and they're eating what do i do?

little ole tish who struggles in la as a working actress (wink wink) makes tuna casserole ala po girl (mac & cheese with tuna) lol...

as soon as i realized my attempt at seeing and then doing i giggled...

; ) improvisations paint my life interesting

it’s only just begun

i've had that song by the carpenters in my head all day. i love the unconscious messages my brain sends me. i didn't even realize what i was singing until someone started giggling at my lyrics ;)

i'm not really nervous for tomorrow...just curious as heck...i'm on slow mo

you know my mind's working out something though because i came home and cleaned the mess out of my place. it's my cathartic pleasure...can i even say it's guilty?

i put together a little shin dig celebration for this weekend. i love my buds. haters could (and have) totally tried to minimalize the importance of's small yes...i could be lame and say "there are no small parts, just small actors" but that would be lame : ) the point is these folks are just as giddy as i am...and live in los angeles...everyone here knows someone so they could totally be jaded but no...not my lovely buds.

i am bummed about one really girly totally "sola"'s the holidays and i've totally grubbed like i've never grubbed before. not good for the whole on camera "i feel fabulous" mentality i need but i'm an actress lol...i'll act fabulous.

ok i'm invoking the kiwi power for this one. (if you don't know what kiwi power's kind of like punky power...if you don't know what that is just think good vibes and energy)'re on

a new kinda christmas

merry christmas...

this little holiday weekend is going by so fast and i'm trying to cling to the time so desperately. i want to make sure i get everything that i'm supposed to out of it.

i've said in blogs past that every adversity should become a strong point...a tiny (or sometimes big) reality jolt that propels us to learn something and better ourselves in the process. i went back in my journal today...looked at life 12-24-06 and it's amazing how much i've changed. i was sad actually. i was worried about a cheating boyfriend (i went home for the holidays and couldn't even concentrate on my family time), i was stressed about acting and not comfortable with being patient and realizing that i was in a holding pattern for a reason. life was just different. basically i'm just really REALLY proud of the person i've grown into--thankful that i was given the opportunity to finally get who i am and what i am and should be about.

i've been kickin' it solo all day first solo christmas eve ever and it hasn't been too bad (i don't know if texting my peeps 24/7 is cheating but whatever). i've got the fire place going, the tree's glowing, i'm watching 'the holiday', made myself some chai tea...peace on earth has been achieved in one tiny quadrant at least : )

after this flick i plan to hit up the whole foods down the street, grab a bottle of b's favorite sparkling lemon aid and then head over to her fam's house for a night of grubbin and taboo. this non traditional christmas is's a sign that new things that i'm capable of handling are coming my way...i'm open for change. : )

i haven't really processed the young and the restless quite yet. i keep saying it's not that i'm not FOREVER grateful and happy, it's just that i've wanted this for so long...i mean i was four the first time i day dreamed about what i wanted my life to be. a little girl from the trailer parks...who would have EVER thought i could take my head and heart to that place...and now it's starting to happen. i realize i'm in the baby step throws of it but it's the beginning nonetheless! it's just crazy and i'm scared as heck lol. (the good kind of scared though...the kind that will push me to give it my all and never take it for granted)

this is a good christmas...

i wish i could get my pictures to stick on this darn blog site and i'd post some of the good stuff around i tell ya...

blessings come in all shapes & sizes

(and when you least expect them)

imagine if you will a girl waking up this morning, picking up some stuff to give to folks at work at the Rite-Aid around the block, getting in her car and hearing the song "Home for the Holidays" and starting to cry.

i wasn't doing too hot today. I called mo and cried a bit to her about how hard it was. I came to work and emailed my best friend about the stuff that was making me sad...the main issue being the sacrifices i've had to make ever since i made the decision to move out here. i've listed these sacrifices've all heard my pity call (i'm sorry for that) but it gets hard...i sat at my computer and wondered why i had to go thru so many sacrifices...why i had to take it all just because i was strong enough (supposedly to handle it). i got off of work early...i love that by the way. returned a christmas tree thingy to home depot and got on the freeway to head home and just relax...

my phone rang. i answered it. they asked for nina (who happens to be my sister so i was wondering what she got herself into) then the woman apologizes and says she's calling from young and the restless!!! that i've been chosen to do background on the show!!! that i start shooting next week!!! and i'm getting paid!!! i just about lost it. this is a great opportunity...i could get there. they could love me. they could give me a few lines to say. it's how it begins. it's beginning...

i called my mom and my two best friends and just started flippin out with them all. after i got down talking to everyone i sat in my car at a light and just looked up to the i kept asking God if i could handle all of it...when i was gonna get some slack and it came. i seriously had to sit there and give thanks and apologize for the doubt (then thanking again with a small plea to keep it all coming lol)

this is a hard life i've chosen but it's worth it if it pays off...i just have to keep working towards that dream...never compromising the stuff that's made me a good person so far and keeping my friends close and informed...cuz seriously it wouldn't be fair that folks get to hear me complain so much and then not get to be around for the times when i'm loving life.

and to the three women that sent me words of encouragement today and every day for that matter... i love you. Mo, jen and brandi... i think it's hard to be a constant pillar of support but they freaking do it and do it well. thank you, thank you...thank you.

it's starting to happen. the casting director told me that the boys on set liked my head shot and were excited to get to help me when i get there : ) hee hee

i'm still sad about not seeing my mo this christmas but i know now that i have to keep going so this isn't all in vain. studio 43 next thursday and friday. it's happening ya''s happening!!!

this christmas

how absolutely wonderful is christmas? so it's not a mystery i've been uber ho hum lately but all i needed was a little divinity apparently. i'm talking about the candy here.

i'm a huge mama's girl. my mo and i are thick as thieves...we've been together longer than anyone else in the fam (step dad and younger sisters) so you can imagine the sadness that hit me when i found out i wasn't going to be able to go home for the holidays. my mom, sneaky little thing that she is, decided to send me the ultimate christmas in a box to take a way a bit of the glum.

every christmas my mom goes into her kitchen, pulls out her mixer and starts making this wonderful holiday candy she calls divinity that seriously makes you want to kick back and giggle. you get a bite of christmas every's lovely. so she sent that and her world famous pumpkin bread....little loaves of goodness, decorations for my little charlie brown tree, my first stocking ever (it even says LaTisha on it) and some gifts i can't open until christmas. i got a little choked up at work when i was going thru it all. i've learned such a lovely lesson today. i have to get home any way i can from now is just too important to not be with your fam.

i need to sleep in the same room as my kid sisters christmas eve night, i need for my mo to sing us christmas carols, i need to wake up first on christmas, wake an and have her 'elf' the presents (separate 'em out for the big kids), i need dad to come out in his robe-coffee in hand and ask what santa brought us and i need to see mo's face when she opens our gifts...

that's the gift i got this year...i learned just how important christmas is what makes christmas for me.

work was a great distraction from the tears. we had our christmas shindig and i got to act like a crack head for the third time in a month's period. i get a kick out of making people crack up at can take a girl out of high school but you can never take her class clown...ness.

so it was a day of mixed joys...

i'm gonna finish wrapping gifts, eat some goodies and be merry : )

merry christmas ya'll...

an overzealous finger

i have been texting my best bud back and forth for the last couple of minutes and apparently have an overzealous finger that likes to push send before i'm done with a thought.

this finger is doing some darn good work in spite of its inability to text properly. i've been going thru one of my email accounts that i seriously haven't cleaned out since 2005...yeah. i just took the most lovely walk down memory some great old conversations, saw some digital photo albums i had forgotten about and hit the delete button with my little overzealous finger quite a few times. it feels good to make room for new thoughts, new memories : ) so many emails from past flirtations, friends planning weddings, acting news from my writer, friends in guyana...i know right...the emails i receive are the best! with the days i've had lately (pessimistic person indeed) it's good to know that i looked at my overzealous little finger in such a positive way.

i'm now moving on to writing christmas cards for coworkers (lots of alliteration there) and my finger's getting a work out once again...i've smudged two : ) it adds personality i think.

there are days where you feel like doing nothing-i haven't spoken since 4:30 p.m. and i love that quiet you can find the best an overzealous finger with the magical power to uncover a year or two worth appreciating : )

super life

i am not my job!

i just had to say that one more time for the people way in the back. i don't know if it was the gloomy never-ending rain, the fact that people were dumping crap on me today or the obvious duh (i have a degree in journalism--thrive off of being creative and work for an insurance company as a glorified secretary) ouch....

do you ever have these days?

a reality check like today can only be fixed with special meds....either i get my dream job perdy darn quick or this hot chocolate will magically create a surge of serotonin. more chocolate!!!

this is the first christmas that's pushing down on me. i guess i don't have the happiness of going home to my fam to back me up...bill griefs...these are the days of my lives lol. sigh...

i can't wait until i change out of the clark kent life into the super one...

the week in review

there's this reoccuring thought that keeps poppin' up: ok tishy, you've had this life changing wake up call and you've been happy and whole, but how will you do when something pops up...

so this week i learned that the new happy and whole me is the real deal. i had this really hard conversation with someone that could have been a make or break. i realized after we saw each other and started crying and hugging that if you're gonna have hard times they're gonna be a lot easier to deal with in the end if you have good wonderful people in your life. when you put it all out there for good people they'll never leave you hanging. it's a grand feeling and i'm still whole ; )

another test: dating....

so i feel like i had this crazy experience last year so that i could finally wake the heck up and learn who i really am, what i'm capable of and who i'm capable of handling in my life. so i went a very long time without dating and recently started to give it a i met a boy thru a friend of mine and we decided to hang out this weekend. (i don't know if i'm going to give him a nickname...we'll see) for the first time ever i felt like i could stand outside of myself and look at every situation was crazy. i'm so used to rushing in heart first...dangerous maneuvering. so i had a great time meeting someone knew...i got what you're supposed to get out of a first date: the first layer of background stories of our TMI mistakes...just what we're like on a day-to-day basis. it was cool. high five for tishy and boy (wink)!

i was scared i'd never want to do it again. i just had no interest and when guys would put it out there i'd sabotage the ish out of that crap. now i know my instincts were just doing their job.

so yeah i'm dating.

tests are never something i'll seek out but i'm not scared of 'em. i think i'm doing a good job of staying grounded and focused on the bigger picture and meeting some new great people in the meantime.

i watched some flicks this weekend too including "i am legend" and am still a little disturbed. it was really good (big props to will's acting chops) but the whole idea of one person left is a really hard thing to grasp and wrap your head around. go see it folks. i need someone to talk about it with me. (and a hug)

fred clause (cute and a definite christmas worthy fam flick)

golden compass (groan)

has anyone noticed there are more current moods listed?

no title gasp

this is a first...writer's block is a scary scary thing

is this the beginning of the end? gulp...

i did have a very swell week. i've been a happy little practical joker. the best friend was talking about her christmas package was going out...couldn't let it go down that easy. had to get a coworker of mine to call her, pretending to be the post office and set her straight about how they wouldn't be able to pick her package up until after christmas lol...hee hee. turns out i jinxed the both of our silly behinds but it still gives me a giggle....who thinks of these things?! what's wrong with me?! ha!

last night i went and saw a friend's play off of sunset and it was really good stuff. i was exhausted out of my mind, about to fall asleep and then the lines started up and i was captivated in the ish. it's been a long time since a play could do that for me! if you're ever in the mood to just get away you should hit up the theater of's around amoeba music down on sunset...'kitty cornered and north a little' as my friend bree would say.

today is the beginning of a good weekend. i'm about to take all my gifts to UPS...mail those puppies out and then it's time to pack and head south. i'm meeting up with a new friend to do some christmas stuff in san diego and catch a couple of new movies. i've found a marathon movie watcher yo! i haven't seen one since my fatima back in kc. this is major.

10 minutes and i can leave to be the first person at this mail facility... i'm gonna be 1! woo hooo

good side note: i've been having some good talks with friends...people are finding out they've outgrown friendships, are meant to write, are meant to be best friends with their husbands...these are the friend talks i love to hear. living life is an interesting kinda beast.'s 8:46 a.m. the day officially starts in 4 minutes.

still waiting on the break,


collectible memories

today jen and i were driving along when we saw a sign that said collectible made us giggle. that's why my blog is entitled as such...i heart cheeseball.

this weekend was so much fun. don't be confused by the melodramatic tone of this blog...i'm just sad cuz one of my favorite peoples in the world...someone who totally gets me, who makes me laugh hysterically, whom i love lots (like how i'm using who and whom my darling?) left and i have no idea when i'll be able to see her again. it was so bad today. i took her to the airport...we were kind of quiet but fine all day...and after i pulled away i started crying so hard i began to wig...couldn't breath...basically doing that ugly cry thing. it's so hard saying good bye. this weekend was just soooo great.

we got pinkberry ice cream, we giggle slept, we picked up vic early saturday morning, we set off on our great road trip, had a blast with the guy, had a blast at the zoo, went to this fun bar in the gas lamp district where my bud akiba met up with us and brought some of her cool buds and we just had a freaking blast...can't say it enough...vic was great. he showed jen all of these amazing things down in san diego...had a mariachi band sing happy birthday songs to her while we ate i think he was helping with my campaign to get her to move out here : )

she's in the air flying home right now and i'm just really wishing i could rewind time and do it all over again. sigh...i think i have to rethink my current philosophies on life. life has to happen in between the best friend visits...otherwise these moments are gonna get harder and harder. the more i think about, the more ironic it is that we saw that sign today...collecting implies they're rare and need to be stored...i definitely don't get that much time with the girl. i save everything in my memory bank and replay it over and over until the next great time.

i need one more good cry to be ok. have you ever been there? i'm done. no more writing. tgfb....(thank god for brandi)

this i know

i breath in and out.

i love where i am in my life.

i love who i've become.

i'm proud of the friend i try every day to be.

i'm blessed to have the friends i have.

i can feel my dreams coming around the bend.

i'm feeling like i'm mentally strong enough to take it all in.

i'm strong.

i'm loved.

i'm honest with myself and others.

i embrace my truths.

i'm tired of drama and know i don't deserve it.

i feel beautiful.

i am never lonely but some times alone and i love that.

i have arrived.

i breath in and i breath out.

this i know.

superbookworm (aka architect)

I heard a phrase today that I love: To be an architect of expansion. It's a keeper, right? I find myself hungry as a hippo to learn new stuff...which leads me to books most of the time. I'm reading this really interesting one right now (when chickenheads come home to roost) and I swear this ish is right on time!

I was giggling at my desk today, totally inspired and ready to re-evaluate the way I see myself and other melanin-privy ladies (aka sista girls aka black womenz). It's just refreshing to hear points such as we don't HAVE to be these strong pillars of strength that except the worst and define ourselves by our struggles. Who wishes for struggle?! Give me the easy life that I love and appreciate any day! ya know what I mean son?!

So yes, I'm reading this social commentary that speaks the truth and a book can't get much better than that for me. the strongblackwoman complex is only a tiny smidgeon of the stuff she covers.

I am hosting what I hope will be my best slumber party ever in January and I think I'm gonna have to share some of these lovely details with the sista girls (plus one Latina) because this is the kinda stuff you want your friends to know and understand. All girls, no matter where they come from (or how much melanin they possess) should read this book…It comes packed with an excellent perspective (at least in my opinion). The author starts out quite raw (very sista souljah language) but her points never get lost in it.

I'm soaking up the knowledge. People are coming at me from all different directions with good stuff to learn…why just today I learned the phrase "kickin rocks"…as in " today blows. I'm gonna go back to kickin' rocks" not that my day blows…hee hee.

It's been a good week. Yesterday I went out to dinner with my dear friend Bree and we did a cute little gift exchange, ate good food and came up with some fabulous guy names for the men she hates and loves most in her life (mwahahaha-you know I'm down for that!) It's just good to sit back and laugh your tail off…especially on a Monday frickin night!

Tonight I plan to watch one of my favorite movies this year with my boy D (I can't share the name of it quite yet because I plan to get it as a Christmas gift this year but in due time all the world will know this movie) I love exposing this dude to new stuff. He's totally a film nut like me so he basically loves everything…

Life's good. Oh! Something else new! One of my bosses just taught me how to create a campfire bomb from Sobe-the drink. See…you seriously learn something new every dang day! I seek, therefore I am the architect of my own expansion ; )

(and bow)

perfect period for a sat. sentence

the best moments come from the worst of times.

my weekend started off being uncomfortable and forced...but it's turned out so well. i'm convinced i've come to a pivotal point in my life and have changed for the better in my opinion.

a good friend came out with some pretty darn important news that goes back three years and had changed his perception of me (without me ever knowing) and hearing all of that really floored me. when you try to come at everything from a place of goodness it sucks to know bad perceptions still can follow but the air was cleared and we're better peeps for it. it's good to be vindicated.

my saturday was off the chain after that kind of aha moment. i got called in to my eyebrow wax early (bat those eyes) so i hopped over to pasadena to my lovely new salon (where halle berry and tyra banks have gotten their ish done) and low and behold my lovely writer (i've claimed her as my own) was there getting her hair did. small world right? we immediately screamed and started giggling. good times seeing folks that make you happy in the best kind of ways. i've decided i need people around me that are excited about where i'm going...(if you're in it for my past and any other whack drama then gets to steppin) my writer is one such person : )

so with great eyebrows and a kool-aid face i pranced around the streets of pasadena shopping with some of my christmas mullah and found some beautiful stuff that makes me happy and gave some clothes away to goodwill...feeding the soul in a plethora of ways

the best part though was meeting up with my b--such a breath of fresh air. we grabbed some good chocolate and headed off to melrose for a date we've had planned for a week. we shopped and found some cute stuff at some boutiques for cheap cheap cheap and then went to a coffee shop and talked (real talk!) for 3 hours while sipping chai teas. do you know how blessed i am to have my two best friends? i have girls that i can talk to about anything! we talk about family dynamics, men, girl friend relationships, religion...EVERYTHING and it's so great to talk about something personal with someone-expose it all and have them come back with a nodd of understandment and support. people were coming into the coffee shop and just smiling at us and i swear it's because we had some great energy going...we got that something my gram would say.

after our coffee we came back to her home where her entire fam was (including big momma). we played board games and it was hilarious and fun and alas b and i's team lost but we had a blast and it was just the perfect period for my saturday sentence.

i can tell i'm about to come up into my own but i really have to work on the bad energies trying to bring me down. just thinking about that freaks me out but i'm ready to be happy 99.9% (realist). i'm about 90% there. ain't that lovely?! i think that's perdy darn good.

so yes, j and ms b i love you ladies so much for being in my life and helping in that 90% (you'll totally both be in my first oscar speech)

alright. sunday's my "me day" so i'm gonna get back to that. peace...(said peacefully)

expecting the best

So last night I got home kind of late and then worked out so by the time I checked my phone and emails it was 7:40 or so. I noticed that j had called to tell me about her experience watching the ever so great "ratatouille" so I happily texted her back to call me.

The girl calls within seconds and asks "what happened" excitedly. I curbed the enthusiasm by explaining I just wanted to figure out how the movie went but thinking about it later, it was cool…She's waiting for that phone call where I tell her something amazing has happened…She's got some hopes for her buddy pal Tishy. It's all I need in my life ; )

(well besides my own hopes)

It's a good lesson for the new year…showing your hope and faith in your friends (really showing—less telling) is the best gift you can give.

and something more...knowing someone is waiting, expecting your best. it's a good question really...who's expecting your best that is. ; )

198 love hits

so i've been in this really weird lazy odd slump lately and i was gettin' sick of my behind but didn't know how to get over it. i started working out again (thanksgiving jacked everything up!) but that was only making me feel worse lol. i'd hit the streets for a run after work and rip the mess out of my easily we fall out of shape.

somehow i knew that today would birth the shift in my mood though

my department heads at my job threw a bowling party today...we worked for a good hour and then all headed over to the bowling place for basically the rest of the day. i was on frickin' fire. the cracked out tishy from childhood came back...i've got video to prove it sadly (thank you mateo for spy-filming me while dancing to "we are family") i was just energetic and having a blast...hanging with my friends and just emitting energy and good stuff for a nice solid 3 hours. i could feel the funk lifting.

i think my bowling karma definitely felt my vibes cuz a sista bowled a 198...the highest i've ever bowled in my life...and i was on a league at one time. things were CHECKIN' OUT!

i needed that shift...bad. i haven't been in a bad mood or anything. i've just kinda been there. not really doing anything...not even really thinking about anything. every time i'd try to figure out what was wrong my brain would scatter--all attempts at focusing down the drain. who knew all a girl needed was a cheesy bowling shirt that everyone in the dept had to wear, some good grub, friends and 4 strikes in a row. (exhaust yourself with positive things and it will force you to sit still and regroup)

after work i decided i needed to focus on some art stuff i've been meaning to handle so i took my perdy little dream board to get laminated and framed and now it's hanging ever so nicely in my bedroom hallway. looks kinda funny there but i worked out after getting arms turned gumby-ish and i'm too weak to hold anything up now. (b please help!)

i'm getting pumped for this weekend. it's officially christmas shopping time. (physical shopping that is) i'm buying a tree and my ornaments, and grabbing some more gifts for my loved ones.

i was listening to the author of _eat pray love_ yesterday discuss cleaning out your mental closet with "no's" in order to make room for oneself. i'm good with my list of tish tasks for's back on the good path again...thank goodness.

still waiting on that big break,

bowling balla

living for me

this weekend was so weird. my play bro was back in town again and was buggin the crap out of me to go clubbing. i've finally figured out i'm kind of passed the social life for the mere fact of being out. i need my outtings to have a purpose, (we're celebrating etc.) and this going out and getting tipsy thing just cuz seems like a band aid for something else. i won't analyze others but at least for me it is so. the club wasn't so bad once we were there because all of these folks i know showed up randomly so i had people to be goofy me with but yeah i'm really not gonna let anyone bully me anymore to go out when i kinda would rather stick pens in my eyeballs : )

yesterday i went to a party with a girlfriend of mine and spent some good time catching up and just finding out where we've both been (physically and emotionally) it's good to check in with your girls ever so often. we were just on a role so we decided to go visit her friend's momma who happens to be a psychic on ventura blvd...(i've never had it done but had always wanted to)

so we head into this "very psychic ms cleo" place and met this beautiful calm woman that i immediately wanted to hug. we share a birthday so maybe it's a pisces thing. she sat there and started talking to me about my life and where i'm at right now and i swear i wanted to fall into her words and never come out. some of it was hard to hear i'll admit. according to my girl rushell she would never take you to a dark space but you have to hear the truth ya know?...she gave me some tools to manage how to deal with those issues that are about to come into my life and it was cool. most of what she said just confirmed what i already knew about myself and where i'm heading which was nice--means i'm finally getting me. that was the most important part. : )

so after some good ole truth we headed back to mi casa and picked up the bro and headed to mexicali, a vunderful mexican restaurant with some good arse tequila. i was actually proud of my bro that night. he's a really smart guy but he blurts out silly useless facts most of the time so you forget that he's got actual interesting ish to say lol...he was having a great conversation with my girl and it was cool to just sit back and listen. good thing cuz i would have probably hurt him otherwise lol...brotherly/sisterly love is a perplexing thing. needless to say i had a good day and night.

today my friends i went to my first ku basketball game since 2004. it rocked...we played usc and we shook that darn galen center!!!

there was quite a bit of blue and hearing the sounds of "rock chalk" rattling that place and drowning out the usc fans was goose bump worthy. i love my alma mater!

now i'm about to sit and watch amelie--a wonderful flick that i recommend to all the romantics out there and do some's sunday. my day. according to my psychic wonder i have to really keep strong--doing what i like to do and wanna do. here goes living for me ; )

(that's hard for pisces by the way!)
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