pull us to

11.23.2007
do you ever have the kinda days where you can't help but love and cherish everything around you? i don't necessarily think it's a manic high because i woke up this morning feeling whatever but i ate some good breakfast (thank goodness for smart start and fresh blueberries), picked out an outfit i feel comfortable in (thank goodness for pinks that aren't too pink that make me look like i'm blushing and my favorite jeans with a hole in the knee) and hopped in my car to meet my girl bree for a morning movie (thank goodness for christmas music, matinee flicks and other chicks who appreciate the flicks as much as i do)




we ended up seeing "august rush" and when i tell you that i've never been more moved. i've never encountered this story...this theory on human connection and it was absolutely one big emotional captivating masterpiece. i called my momma as i walked out of the theater to tell her it was my holiday gift to recommend that darn movie lol...that good. (thank goodness for some amazing writer out there who was given the opportunity to work with some of the best actors and musical composers out there) it's going on 2 hours later and i'm still sitting quietly on my couch thinking.



i walked into the theater this morning feeling totally bummed. you see movies are where i recharge...where my faith in my dreams are restored but for some reason i didn't think i'd be able to fill back up today...i saw preview after preview (you know they match previews with what they believe will be a similar quality twin flick) that had me tearing up. faith restored in a matter of 20 minutes. the first thought after seeing the first good preview "i don't care that there aren't that many women of color out there making great films they love and believe in--why not me. why can't i do whatever it is i feel in my heart i'm supposed to? why not?" and i just let go of all the fear and all the uncertainty of this whole industry and just enjoyed the magic of a good movie and the magic of whatever it is inside me that won't let me forget that i'm supposed to act, i'm meant to act. whether we like it or not the things we love--the things we're great at that remind folks just how close we are to the big guy upstairs--pull us to.



(thank goodness for the pull)



when i'm reminded...recharged, whatever it is you want to call it, things just feel right...i look in the mirror and my insecurities melt--i see me and i see something great. this year i'm thankful for everything, the heart ache, the shadows, the loneliness, the pain, all of it...it helped me to go in my head and look at everything, examine it and really get to know what makes me tick--what makes me me. it's lovely when you truly find yourself. i'm thankful for that gift and the fact that i can appreciate the journey it took. you always hear those quotes about the journey not the destination. i know that one day i'm gonna make it. i know it like i knew the ending to that movie today, and like that movie i'll still squirm in the middle of the story, waiting for the good ending--lose my breath in the first hour, stressed and feel stuff that freaks me out--but i'll have that certainty of knowing that the thing that makes me great will pull me towards it...i'm thankful...i'm thankful...i'm thankful.

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