swimming in other's regrets

i flew out of state this weekend and had lovely long lay overs that willed me to write like a mad woman. i was in the middle of writing on a plane when i smelled that pink stuff you put on itchy bites to stop scratching and it instantly transported me to being 5 or so...playing outside in our huge country fields (why my parents used to live in the country i know not but it proved good for my little imagination) i would run around by myself, catching horny toads, eating strawberries from my mo's garden and just play for hours with no one around. sometimes i really miss that independent gal. she was a big hoot that's for sure--not a care in the world--no worries...i just loved life...journaled like crazy because of that one memory...that and i finished eat pray love and it inspired me like no other..might have to read that one once a year...wrote. read. slept.

then i get home and reality knocks me smack dab in the face. i open my email account and there sat a puny little email from a puny man i dated many moons ago...a man i haven't spoken to or heard from in many moons telling me that although he's recently gotten married he still thinks about me all the time and regrets being stupid...that if he hadn't messed it up we'd still be together now"...where's my strawberry field when i need it?

i wrote him back that he shouldn't regret anything, that everything happens for a reason and left it at that...i was highly offended though. so when did it become cool to throw your regrets out there and share the nasty things with others? how is any of that my problem?

i've posed the question. that's all i have to say. people worry that i'll bad talk them in my blog and that's really not the purpose of this thing believe it or not...i guess anonymity isn't enough these days (sheepish smile). honestly though it offends me when someone believes i'll be open to such horrible acts of infidelity and dishonor...live right damn it! even maybe live simply...

i'm taking a break from relationship nonsense for quite some time. i refuse to discuss it with the opposite sex. i'm boycotting it for at least a month...maybe longer. i have to catch my breath...you can drown in that type of negativity.

[Edit] [Delete] [View Comments] Subject : yeah for sabra!!!

Posted Date: : Aug 16, 2007 10:06 PM

my favorite chica on sotycd won!!!

that's blogworthy alright. wooo hoooo!

message we all learned tonight: late starters, bloomers, whatever you wanna call them can win it all.

[Edit] [Delete] [View Comments] Subject : all good things

Posted Date: : Aug 15, 2007 9:49 PM

i had a day filled with weird ebbs and flows of energy.

so i don't know if i told ya'll but i applied out of my current job..i got this amazing email from my writer connect and she had me on cloud nine talking about the show and being patient...then followed it up with "you should try out for scrubs"...come to find out later on i'd have to have my sag card first...and that little bugger ain't even anywhere near my current reach. i was feelin' mighty low. i was feelin' mighty bad. (sophia speach from color purple) but then i decided i can't just let this energy pass..i've got to get back into classes. i have to meet new people in the industry. i have to show people what i'm made of so i went to work and vowed i was gonna make some more cashola to see my plans out.

i interviewed and next week i'll have my second interview in a new position...my current boss got a little upset and pulled me into a meeting. turns out they don't want me to go and are willing to try to match what the other job would pay...which is BOOKOO more. if they can i'll have the best of both worlds...this job is really nothing...doesn't take much brain power...it just allows me to audition and take off when i need to and THAT'S the key. a gal can only work so much over time and that still doesn't pay for these ridiculous classes out here.

so there's that...finding out i really am appreciated and wanted there. then there was running...lol. a friend of mine wanted to switch it up with hiking and so we tried running in this park...mind you it was 105 degrees today. we about died...in fact she threw up at one point so i can honestly say we took it to the limit lol...we only made it half an hour and i drank 32 oz of H2O in 10.5 minutes. still it always feels good to get out there and just sweat. i needed the discipline back in my life.

now i'm currently packing for a wedding trip i'm taking this weekend with a friend of mine. it's in my college roommate's home state so i'm actually going to get to see her and her brand new baby too so i'm really excited. this is the girl who would sit and listen to me talk about my crazy ex fiance stories and wish for the same some day lol...good thing she didn't get what i had specifically! it should be a great weekend....it's supposed to be cold there so i'm pumped...anything to get out of the 105 degree heat!

dating has been fun but crazy. i wrote in my journal last night that boys and acting are in the same boat right now...i have this inertia building but i don't know where to grab on to in order to pull anything towards me. i figure i'll just take baby steps. find a place and jump in and see where the balls can roll.

as for acting...i think about it every night and every morning...first and last thing on my mind. this has GOT to happen...if anyone's got an agent for sale let me know...cuz mine's drivin' me bananas i say!!!


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