classic actress cliche

I have some pretty dark moments from time to time. I'm your classic aspiring actress cliché—I have this constant struggle I deal with every day just trying to live and make it. making it is such a loaded phrase for me…beyond heavy.

Last Friday I definitely had a moment. Acting has taken love from me, my family, friends, a best friend…it's constantly something that I have to check…I'll get sad out of my mind and have to remind myself that this is stamped hard core in me…in my dna if you will. Acting is life. People worry that me putting all of my happy eggs in this one basket is a dangerous move but I seriously know no other way…acting is so much more than just a career for me.

On Friday I sat on a plane crying because of it all…work constantly reminds me that I don't belong and that there's something else out there I'm supposed to do. I just couldn't handle it and I broke. I cried myself to sleep. While sleeping I dreamed about something I remember my best friend doing in high school. She'd come to my performances and sit in the front row watching me perform and I'd be so happy to see her there. I'd feel so alive and 'at home' performing…I feel like I'm drowning when I'm not…my whole heart lights up when I'm in my element.

so i'm holding on to that tonight. i'm wrapping the feeling up and saving it for the rainy days ; )

on a more positive note: i went hiking today and kicked that hills arse! woo hooo. frustrations are better saved for exercise...i'm a bad ass mama jama!


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