108

7.17.2007
I've always believed books have a way of finding me at just the right point in my life. My gal Jen has been talking about one such book for months now and I've always said I'd pick it up and read but never did.






I found the book sitting in my mailbox when I got home from work Monday evening and I knew it was time. Just felt right to crack it open last night before I went to bed. I only read the first intro but it was enough to wake me up and get my gears moving.





She compares her book to a japa mala: a set of beads used by Hindus & Buddhists for mantra/praying purposes. 108 beads… "held to be the most auspicious…a perfect three-digit number, representing supreme balance".





I loved this little factoid comparison she lays the groundwork with: a simile of balance. Something I definitely need in my life.



This bead business may be a lot for all of you non-Eastern philosophy gurus (me included), but I can break it down in Tishy terms... In a nut shell this woman inspired me in 5 paragraphs : )





I was walking with Brandi this morning during our break (Any excuses to get away from my cubicle is swell) discussing the idea of "unfair". Unfair that certain individuals throughout our collective lives will have the power to indirectly or directly destroy our happy go-lightly streaks. Then it occurred to me…There is no spoon.





Do you remember that phrase from "Matrix"? You have to think of your little bout of drama as the spoon and bend your world to reshape that silly little piece into something you can live with (or dodge bullets with—whatever you prefer)





So my current spoons are too many to discuss…I don't think I could individually battle each one with their own neat little solution either, but collectively I can say that I can't handle any of them unless I start to create some positive consistencies in my life (i.e. starting to work out and run again—great stress relievers that used to free me in my college healthy, great bod days)





Other remedies to help me bend the darn spoon and achieve balance are setting time aside daily to read…I've set up a deadline for focusing directly and solely on acting as well. After my best friend's wedding I plan to become a robot. No spending until acting classes are paid for, trying out for theater programs, using my newly sculpted bod to get some modeling gigs. These are things I know I have to do in order to change this current unrest I've been having.





There are certain people that have hurt me and they know it unfortunately…Some that have hurt me indirectly too…but none of these things would affect me quite the way they do if I had more balance and perspective in my life.





I have to live my life as fully as I can. Acknowledge all of these pains in my life…darn damn spoons! And deal with them and get passed them.





Makes ya want to eat icecream with a fork doesn't it?





108 is the number I have to make my own.

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