luck

6.05.2007
so i was talking to my mom today...dreading going to the doctor. yes i'm a grown arse woman and YES i'm still not comfortable with dudes giving me breast exams among other things when she said something that rocked me to my core.




i don't talk about it a lot because it scared the living $@!!# out of me but a couple of years ago my doctors found cervical cancer and i swear my whole world turned upside down.



today my mom had reminded me that i had had a male doctor...the doctor that told me the cancer was gone. then she told me she loved that doctor and will always remember his face....dang mo! heavy stuff for a lazy tuesday afternoon. it was hard to take actually...



i can remember when i found out i had it...i went for a check up and for some odd reason my mom really wanted to go...a couple of docs at my college clinic said they had found some odd stuff and wanted me to get looked at by my home doctor...i wasn't sweatin' it though...college clinics tend to be somewhat incompetent if you've ever dealt with them but along she went...i sat there on the table. my lady doc came in and casually said "well you have cervical cancer so we need to start discussing how we can approach this"...huh? i remember my mom's eyes tearing up and she turned around. hard day....really hard day.



everything obviously is cool now but man there have been some really hard times and i always seem to pull thru. i seriously don't give myself enough credit because i've been thru some doozies. i think my over dramatic tendencies keep me from weighing some of my situations correctly but overall i think i'm a pretty strong sister. today i had a long great conversation with my cyber shrink jr about being strong. she wanted me to make sure i knew she was a strong woman...i never doubted her for a minute. i have a hard time being around weak women actually...i'd say all my close girlfriends are pretty darn inspiring. i told her we all tend to gravitate towards others like us...(well unless they're BOGUS and put up a facade)



so yeah...i'm lucky. i've been thru some hard times and i've come thru with a couple of bumps and bruises but basically unscathed. some days we all just need to give ourselves and our loved ones around us more credit--credit for their unshakeable moments of strength when it counts the most.



j is a shero of mine...went thru TWO heart surgeries, has gone after every one of her passions...kicks arse at the gym, (b i won't count the time you almost passed out cuz there was a mutant bug in your bathroom air vent)

we'll stick with the fact that you're an amazing mother and so is my twin big T...that e decided things were whack and flipped the script on her life...got a new job...found her very own peace and happiness, cyber shrink jr knows exactly why i think she's the bomb--at least she better know! self respect and acknowledging one's self worth is a beautiful thang! my play sis up north who has been thru probably every thing mentioned above and come out fly as ever and my mo who had the ability to pull herself together and get herself and her daughter thru the hard times including cancer.



i'm just lucky i guess. these are the women i call friends. luck is a beautiful thang.

p.s. the doctor's appointment was fine. all that worrying for nothing : )

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