wicked is tomorrow! wicked is tomorrow!!!!!!!!!

i'm kinda scared because my girl doesn't have the tickets in her hands at the moment, but it's my birthday month (yes, i get the whole month) and i can feel that it's gonna be a good one.

i may not be doing too well in the LUUUUV department but everything else is good. i have an audition tomorrow (go mr. agent), I'M SEEING WICKED! and it's almost the weekend...time to sleep sleep sleep.

ok so i really want to blog about my inability to describe why i'm still hurting and confused and bitter about him who can not be named...well i guess i just did..but that's all i got...i don't frickin know. i need my girl felicia...she has a way of taking the nasty out of me and making me see the positive. right now though..."it's mr. nasty!" (guess that movie) i just want to hurt him like he hurt me...the worst revenge is indifference...the WORST thing you can do is be indifferent and i haven't gotten there yet. the ironic part about the indifference...you don't even care at that point if you're hurting the other...you're indifferent! ha! i just don't get it...i was sitting at my desk thinking about a night when we were laying together and he thought i was asleep and he whispered to me that he loved me...how do you truly love someone..that all-powerful word and then just forget that person existed. i think that's what gets me... i don't think he even thinks of me...i think i was a blip...a nothing and i've never been someone's nothing. wow..i think i hit a nerve cuz i'm tearing up...that's it. i'm someone's nothing. : (

don't worry though...while this pains me i don't internalize it to mean i'm nothing to everyone...i know i was put on this earth to be a someone for a lot of different people...just one small part of my big ole life.

ok i'm watching wheel of fortune...i've got a happy memory of my bubble head sister watching my mom and i play the computer version and her asking who was "dumbuss"...the word on the screen was DUMBASS. ha! good times. love the fam...love 'em!

goal for the week...be someone's someone.


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