I've figured something out. When you're in a relationship you exist in this odd semi-fake world…you see and comprehend the outside world but it's somehow fuzzier than the love standing in front of's all you think and know…then that life ends and you suddenly wonder what life is real….was real. A new self is born…completely different, more aware, alert, jaded, free, WHATEVER than the one before. The sheer act of breaking up creates someone new so how in the heck do you go back to an ex blindly? You don't. sometimes it works (take the old cute couple from the movie 'when harry met sally') but it's rare…it takes real work and real acknowledgement of the fact that once A left B, a C was created…enough letters for you? I'm a C now and I'm really trying to get used to my new skin…new heart. I'm scared to try anything old…all these dudes are the reason I am the way I am today…I want to thank 'em and shoot 'em! First love is coming April 12 and is staying for two weeks. I'm buggin' out ya'll. (What in the heck!)

My words and actions don't match up though cuz when he calls we just laugh our butts off and the butterflies start flittering about. lol...I was in such a bad mood about all of that this morning... It was a nasty grey day and I felt nasty grey in my heart, but I'm starting to warm up. My emotional ebs and flows are a little much...even for me.

Did I mention I'm going to prom this weekend? lol...My girlie is turning 30 and is celebrating in a wonderful way...She's going all out. I got a HAWT HAWT HAWT dress from my girlie t too so it should be fun and flirty. One of my boys is going with...He's prettier than me so this should be will definitely follow.

Tomorrow I'm going to a concert with my girlie B. James Morrison. He sings like a frickin' angel. I gotta get out of my slump before then or he's gonna make me cry my eyes out with all that heart wrenching music.

i was supposed to exercise today but work drained me...all i did was a bunch of crunches...and that's just because i felt uber guilty. hmph. sad girl i am.


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