Meridian

2.27.2007
meridian- a place or situation with its own distinctive characer. The highest apparent point reached by a heavenly body in its course.




i'm not proud of this but i still have moments of weakness. i receive messages from organizations or entertainment whatevers that 'we' as in the ex and i 'we' signed up for...constant reminders of the past and i get weak. it's not the type of weak moment that you expect though...i get this overwhelming sense of anger that i have little reminders of what once was and he doesn't. makes me think i was in it alone...that it wasn't all that because it's been forgotten so easily...



i'm reading a book right now where the main character sits in a room cursing her ex as she goes thru a painful abortion knowing he's out with a new woman. she's mad that she's stuck to handle the break while he's moved on. this is the stuff i erase from my blogs and fill with other mumbo jumbo. it's embarrassing but maybe if i write this crap out it will go away. i'm not worried i'll miss him. i can't even remember the things i should which is weird...can't remember what he sounds like, smells like...i can't even remember how he looks until moments like today. i was looking thru an album to find an old pic of a friend and i saw a picture of him and i and i froze...and just stared at it...i stared at the damn thing for at least five minutes trying to figure out who the two people in the picture were really. so there's some honesty for ya...lets see if it will help me move on...



the other day my girl and i debated whether or not someone can truly be an individual when they're with another human being. can we really? i don't know but once we broke up i came alive...it was really weird. the days started slowing down...i was able to take the time to actually think and contemplate what i'm doing with my life among other things. figured out some of my hang ups...any thoughts? can we reach a place of meridian with someone or does that type of self-realization only happen when someone's off on their own?



there is better news though. the dating thing is cool but the utter joy is seriously coming from planning my best bud's bachelorette party in vegas this summer, wicked is this weekend, san francisco is coming up shortly and my atlanta friend visit happens at the end of the month. i've never really gotten to travel a lot so i'm excited for the exposure...



march is going to be a very good month...i can feel it in my bones!



p.s. i was SUPPOSED to have an interview at a modeling joint today but they rescheduled on me. i'll let you know more later.

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