kiwi elephant in the room

2.22.2007
so i have some kiwi elephants in the room which simply means i'm being passive aggressive as all get out and can't just confront my green goblins (i'm having a green kinda day can ya tell?)




i've been trying to battle them but it doesn't just involve me vs friends...it's me vs me...the things in my life i choose not to or just plain out can't acknowledge to myself right now.



one big kiwi elephant...i went to go visit a friend in the hospital who just had a baby and i couldn't quite place the feelings i was having...i cried a couple of times. i don't know if i want kids some day...if i was crying because i don't, crying because i'm jealous and i do...man. KIWI ELEPHANT!!! just push it to the back of your head and forget it exists.



the thing with kiwi elephants though...they find ways of steppin out into the light. for instance. i'm dating right now but i'm scared to death that i'm gonna jack something normal up because of my weirdness...i'm really on the defense. a big part of me knows i'm scared to death of guys and mingling with that weird species is going to be interesting. i just don't know jack about nothing...which is also a big ole kiwi elephant.



i'm exhausted. today was a weird day. i was really zombied out. after i saw the baby i didn't feel like working anymore and the hours just kept slowly ticking by...like molasses slow. i didn't really think about anything during that time either. weird? i was just exhausted out of my mind today. work seriously drains the main brain that's for sure.



i did plan out my weekend though...slumber party, errands and hanging with my girl to celebrate her fourth weekend without her son...catching some flicks with a bud and picking up a tele from a friend. it should be nice and swell.



i smell like baby right now and it's making me happy. : )

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