in repair

i'm back...

a part of me thinks too soon, the other thinks not soon enough. i'm really damn hard on myself. i hate it that i cry over this bull crap. i know better. i've given countless advice that i sincerely mean to others about how to handle a break up and then i go and have to be dramatic diva and drop off the face of the planet.

i keep going up and down. seriously yesterday i thought i had shaken all of it off. it was the most odd thing. i was emailing back and forth with friends and my older cousin/brother figure and between his tough love spiel and my friends'wonderful words of encouragement it just hit me that dudes don't hold on to this crap. they realize it wasn't meant to be and move on so i could too. i sprung up, hung out with two of my buds and life was good...then we ended up in a store where one of my ex's friends was...i just saw this person at the new years party we went to...wasn't ready to face that mess (dropped down one debbie downer point), went to a restaurant for dinner...that had the same name as his middle name (drop two), a dish on the menu was named 'the victor pasta' (drop three--cry all the way home and slap your hand for thinking you were an awesome robot incapable of human emotions)

i woke up in the morning doing what i've been doing--playing the "what if i would have done such and such" game but for the most part i was still good. i have perspective now...the whole lost love thing still bums me out, but someone's actually asked me out and i've decided to go...why not. i'm obviously not ready for anything serious but a seed here and there is never bad. (dr. foss, Sept. 2005)

we'll see. i've got a month or so before we chill. i just don't want to become a bitter woman. i don't want to lose anything specifically tish. my energy is poop lately, i look like it but it's seriously something i just can't control--much to my chagrin. i will say i'm over the actual mourning of the's now about me and the patches i have to fix...the misconceptions i have with why it ended...if it was anyone's fault yadda yadda. like i said. i'm in repair.

this weekend should be a wonderful distraction though. tonight i went down to newport and hung with my old boss. it was good to sit back and talk to someone somewhat removed from it all. tomorrow ive got a date night with my b...saturday is my other girlie's birthday's all gonna be oh so good for me. friends really do come thru when you need them the most... repair


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