breaks ups suck but that's life

this is when i get super honest with folks:

so vic and i broke up. it came as a surprise and it hurt, but it's a part of life. it's crazy when you think you know everything about a person...and come to find out you didn't know they didn't know squat about you. he thought he couldn't talk to me or tell me something was wrong and i'm sorry for that. my heart's broken in a way i didnt think was possible. i've been engaged before...the man married someone else while we were engaged and it didn't hurt like this...i'm seriously holding on to the fact that time will make this alright. we weren't meant to be. i have to say though...he was upset because he thought i was pressuring him to marry and that's just not the case. i don't think i've ever really wanted to marry...i think i just wanted to feel like every other couple so when he posed the idea i said whatever...i've learned a hard lesson. i have to know what i want and stick to it. i love that boy. that's obvious to anyone that knew me. he's an amazing friend...just wasn't the best of boyfriends. our breakup was sudden and crazy but i will not be angry because he didn't know how to tell me it was time to go...i'm just sad. i'm not gonna go crazy...i have no ill will...i'm just hurt. period. (i had to text him a couple of times to get to this point)

that's all. you may not hear from me on this for awhile...believe it or not, myspace allows you to hang on to pain like a mug, there's no big acting stuff going on except for the fact that i've been forced to jump into action. i'm hungry desperate to get the heck out of los and be somewhere different.

when that time comes i'll write. until then...sigh. i don't know. i'm not going to pretend like i'm this strong sister either. i'm aware that i'll be going thru it for some time and don't really know how to do that just yet. i just have this thing about always blabbing the i did. wow...i'm single. dang.


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