something's gotta give

6.28.2006
have you ever seen the movie, "something's gotta give"? there's this character played by diane keaton who has her heart broken and she begins to cry at random intervals thru out the following scenes. that's how i am now...not heartbroken but the "friends leaving" thing touched some weird nerve and i just can't keep it together. my boy left today and i seriously only saw him for a minute. he came and gave me a quick hug at work and that was it...gone...like that. i watched him leave in the parking lot (i know this is pathetically bad but work with me here) and it just started pouring. by the time i got off work i was a sentimental bag of goo. i need my best friend and i need my boy. it's weird how much we depend on the good people we put in our lives. i'm trying to be like my best friend jen. when her boyfriend left for italy she made all of these great plans to occupy her time and it worked...not so much with me. it's weird but i don't want to do anything but at the same time i can't be trusted home alone...i write blogs and cry and analyze my life a little too much.




i know i'm a strong person and this is silly but i'm just gonna let the stupid crap flow and maybe then it'll go away. did i mention the fact that i'm going to a wrap party for that mary movie i got to be on set for? that's gonna make my saturday quite fun and then sunday i plan to go see a chick flick with one of the goyles. i'm attempting to have a normal single girl life...i'm trying :)

waiting to pinch myself

6.27.2006
i want so very badly to go back to the good ole silly goofy tish but life's kinda kickin my butt lately. the roommate found someone to rent out the place once i'm gone so now i just have to focus on finding storage, getting my address changed and working on a roommate/finding an apartment :)




that's the good part. my conscious can remain cleared that we're both getting out of this without bloodshed. she found someone to pay almost double what i could afford and i'm getting away from unneeded drama



i went and watched the movie "click" tonight and it seriously left me thinking long and hard about my life and the choices i've made thus far (yes adam sandler's movie had that effect on me-don't judge). my best friend in the world is flying across the world, as i type, on her way to italy to spend a glorious week with the one she loves and i can't help but wonder when my surreal life gets to start...that moment where you sit back and have to pinch yourself because it just keeps getting better and better. i have no idea what it is i'd have to do in order to pinch myself...according to the moral of mr. sandler's story i should focus on the journey and not the destination but that's a little idealistic. when do the pinches come?! do they come when i start acting right and making the proper choices or is it all luck?



so the audition was a bust. i know there will be more...and hopefully i'll land something that i'll be super proud of...for now though i just have to focus on work and making it thru this week without any more tears. no woman no cry.



raise your hand if you're suprised that tishy came out here and turned into a dork? (i'm raising my hand) i can't help it. i'm not gonna beat myself up over it though...it'll make for good times on my true hollywood story :)

audition bust

6.26.2006
well the audition didn't go as well as i would have liked. i currently have a fever blister and two scars from some killer zits on my face...not the cutest girl right now. i walk into this audition...an audition that is looking for a girl with clear skin (exact requirements) and here comes tish....all those girls were so beautiful. none would talk to me either lol. i did the test shots and then left, keeping my head as high as i could so they wouldn't see how embarrassed and out of place i truly felt. i missed the second audition because that one was taking too long. nice eh? i wasn't really into it i guess anyways.




it sucks that i'm involved in something that focuses on beauty so much. it hurt today. ugly duckling syndrome.



you know how you just have those days where you don't feel appreciated, don't feel that people see you?....i'm having that day. i'm tired to DEATH of my roommate harassing me and acting funky...my lip is boiling over because of her antics. life is just weird and it's hard to find firm ground to stand on right now. i need a vacation!



two important people in my life are going on long vacations over seas this week...i don't know what i'll do lol



i have one positive thing to say though. i tried the mcdonalds asian chicken salad and that thing is off the chain! it's the BOMB!

run's house

6.25.2006
yes, i'm still on run's house. :) i love this show. it's made my sunday night.




so this weekend was cool. i went to my first dodgers game which you already know. then on saturday i hung with my girlie b on melrose. it's not what i expected. it's kind of seedy in a way. there's definitely pretty "beverly hills parts" but the shopping district area is interesting...very artsy if you will. we looked around, ate at a cute little mexican restaurant called antonio's (where i learned that frida kahlo made tequila cuz she loved the stuff so much and this restaurant carried it!) and got coffee and sat outside to people watch. it was lovely.



that night we clubbed at mood. my girlie's a big ole cutie and got us in pretty quickly..no lines for us! today we just hung out in our pj's and enjoyed the sunday...it's going by way too quickly though. i have two auditions tomorrow. this should be interesting for sure. one's for a pilot series on tv and one's for a print commercial ad. :) wish me luck!

who's house?

6.24.2006
i'm watching run's house on mtv. i LOVE this show :) i have to get the dvd's yo! (yes, "yo" is my word for the day. i feel like being east coast)




it's fitting that i'm watching the show though because i just found out i'm able to leave this place i currently call my space at the end of july....more time to save up money for my own spot ya know? my roommate came and rang my dang doorbell at 7 something this morning because she needed me to move my car for some tree people. apparently her home will be shown on hgtv so check that ish out folks! i won't be there no mo but i love the home. it's pretty ;)



last night i went to my first baseball game and it was cool. i felt like i was back in kansas city for a split moment. i actually met a girl that went to KU in the line getting in...what are the frickin chances of that?! st louis chica. anywho. i had a dodger dog, got me some garlic fries ( i know you're stomach is doing flips right now cuz mine was after i ate that junk) but it was all good. the dodgers kicked arse too! i'm not used to a team winning like that (sorry jen and other royals fans) i mean they had 10 runs! what's up with that?! whoa



today i'm heading out to hang with my girl b and ari. we're hitting up melrose because i've never been. i can't buy anything but i can look right? :) monday i have a print audition too. hopefully i get it and it pays a lot of yummy cash. :) my agent actually got me this one...can you believe it?! he's usually so wack...



i have a lovely fever blister making residence on my lip though and two planets on my chin...nice ;) gotta love my bodies ability to do me right when i need it the most :)

dreams and some rest does a body good

6.22.2006
hello my people! it's been a while. i have missed you. life without blogs is kind of sad and lonely. was that just really sad and pathetic that i admitted that? sorry but 'tis true. life got really weird for a minute.




so the roommate situation had me stressed pretty bad. i was really disappointed in myself last thursday. i was letting someone totally make me question my ability to be a respectable human being and friend. i was at work just stressing and i started to break down... i knew then i needed to get away. i decided i was going to arizona with a friend. i went to work on friday and had everything packed and ready to go...i get to work and she tells me she has to cancel so instead i hit up my girl b to let me stay with her. i just couldn't go home. i didn't have the strength to argue with the woman waiting there...she had been hitting me up with some harsh emails all day and i had had enough. so i went and saw the lakehouse friday night which i liked a lot (no judgements!) and then i went to my girlie's house and had total girlie slumber party weekend with her. we got our toes and nails done, talked, hung out with our guy friend to the wee hours of saturday night, went to her church (HUGE for tishy!) and just kicked it. it was nice to get away.



something else pretty cool happened. some friends all contacted me about seeing a commercial promoting funny tv shows on UPN and my goofy little butt popped up in the "all of us" scene i did :) i was grinning ear to ear when i found out. how cool is that, they chose that ish! i was starting to feel like i was delusional for being out here. that renewed my faith-gave me a much needed push. :)



i just found out my twin is in town tomorrow. she tried out for the same game show i did but she actually passed the darn test. hopefully i get to see her :) i'm coming for ya girl! :)

standing up to stress

6.14.2006
so stress was totally kicking my butt last night. i woke up at 1 a.m. from a panic attack and couldn't go back to sleep until 3. i did ok at work but i was really upset that i let all the stress of this roommate situation affect me the way that it did. all day at work the roomie was sending me these messages saying i was irresponsible, disrespectful and so on and on because i don't do this and that-seriously if my best buds wouldn't have been reading them and giving me good perspective i would have totally bought into her crap and given in, but they kept me up. i've decided that even though it will be a difficult task to move out and on my own it's for the best. i can't tell you the last time i wasn't on edge in my apartment because i knew she would come down to scold me about not cleaning something in my place, leaving a fan on, doing this or that...i felt like a kid again. i've always been known as the responsible type- a nerd really- and to come out here to try to do this and then someone dog my character is pretty hard. NEVER rent from friends. that's the doozy of all doozies. sigh. i couldn't go home tonight...or this whole weekend actually. i'm staying with my girl, b. i have friends that make me wanna cry they're so cool. gotta love 'em.




i went and saw the lake house tonight. i recommend it. yes keanu can't act but they do a good job of limiting his dialogue (hee hee) and it's cute enough to see passed the two or three cheesy cheesy parts. nacho libre will be watched tomorrow (passive voice rules!)



ok it's late. i'm exhausted. night folks.

run tish run

so for some odd reason i finally decided to get out and check out the rose bowl to start running again. at one point (high school thru my jr year of college) i'd run 3 miles a day...kept me feeling spiffy but then i just stopped. very unfortunate. i kept saying i'd get back into it but i'd come up with excuses..then i got so pissed off yesterday i just found the track while driving...(see good things can spring up from negative pooh!) so i drive out to the rose bowl, park and begin to follow the crowd. i couldn't help but smile. there were people playing soccer, hockey, couples walking, friends talking. it was just some park out of a movie (there's a trail around the rose bowl and connecting golf course for people to use) i walked for a little over an hour and just hashed out all my probs. i gotta get my girl out here to run with me. it was nice. i feel good and water never tasted better :) now you know i've got some probs though...um when did couples invade running trails...everybody had someone EXCEPT FOR TISHY. well there were uber running guru's doing there thing but they're cool. it's ok that they're chillin by themselves. they have cute butts and teeny weeny shorts ;)




ok. i'm tired. time to drink some yummy water. next on the list. cute work out clothes so i'm not self conscious any more than i need to be. that and a cute light weight water bottle. any suggestions?

enough is enough

6.13.2006
tell me how shady this is...so i discuss NOT raising rent by a ginormous amount with my roommate and tell her i'll just move out and stay with my girlie until i find my own place and she immediately insists that that's a bad idea and she won't raise. so i get an EMAIL of all absurd things today saying rent won't be raised until the first of the new year but then it's right back where she said before. ain't that a.....so i came home from a craptastic day just to encounter more crap? i had to get out and drive...that's saying a lot for me...especially with gas being ridiculous right now. i'm SO sick of things going to crap. i'm putting some serious weird energy out into the world i swear! so the new plan is to move in with a friend that's moving out here from kansas city. he doesn't know if this is a done deal or not but i'll let him know what's up. :)  are there apartments out here that already have fridges and stoves or is that unheard of? see the silly things ya have to worry about? i don't care about being without for awhile though. it's the principle of the matter. no more telling me when to clean up my place and random weird inspections thru my private things, no more "you're a burden and i need the extra rent nonsense", no more feeling like i have to hide when i get home. all the spas in the world can't help with that kind of stress. see this is latent roommate drama. most have this in college. i was lucky. easy sailing then. this is DISGUSTINGLY like college...at least i did gain the freshmen 15 back then :)

p.s.

6.12.2006
i hate being out here alone trying to do this alone. some days it's cool and i think it'll all work out...the hard stuff will make me stronger...yadda yadda but for the most part, i'm dealing with an agent that doesn't do jack and the only auditions i can get on my own are ones that don't pay and take up a lot of time. these are fine when you have someone that has your back and can be your financial substitute when you're on set but i don't have that crap. my family doesn't even ask how auditions are going are offer any kind of encouragement. i'm so frustrated right now i could scream. i'm sick of it being hard and i'm sick of not knowing who to talk to, what to do....ugh.




why do i put myself thru this? not a cool day....

la film festival

i don't know if the folks from back home still read this to see how i'm progressing with acting...maybe they've figured out that this stuff could take years but i still write this for them nonetheless :)




i had an audition today that was really refreshing. it's to host the la film festival (kind of like the E! folks that stand on the red carpet asking questions) and it sounds pretty cool. the guy was impressed that i have broadcast journalism experience...thank you high school tishy for your nerd streak that led you down that path! so i'm crossing my fingers and hoping that every choice i make leads me closer to my dreams.



isn't that what we all hope for?

gatorade commercial

6.11.2006
so i LOVE that gatorade commercial where all the top athletes have their heads but little kids' bodies and voices and they're playing basketball "shut up big head"...wade, garnett, lol..it's the BOMB! ha! it's the little things in life i tell ya.

on beauty

6.10.2006
man i've had a good chill day. i slept a whole bunch, cleaned my place, showered off my nasty week and just chilled. i went over to starbucks, picked up a drink and then sat on my front porch reading a book....weather's perfect, birds are chirping, a baby is laughing some where in the background. just a beautiful day all around. i think tonight i'm going to pop in a shakespeare movie and drink some sangria and have a little date with myself. i kinda fell in love with my time today. i realized for the first time one thing that i have to have in a partner some day. i want the person to just be able to sit in a room with me or sit in a space with me and just be...no talking, just being and for that to be cool.




tomorrow is errand day....changing my oil, grabbing some groceries and testing out a new recipe that my best girl just gave me....bbq chicken pizza...sounds good doesn't it? when you add gate's bbq sauce it's off the chain folks! what ya'll know about that?! OR the fact that i'm out in cali and have some gates! :)

mtv music awards

6.08.2006
so brokeback's two main hunks just won an award for best kiss and jake got on stage and said something actually substantial. i love smart actors.




so i know ya'll are all waiting for news of my game show audition...um so i flunked miserably. lol. you take some quiz to show how savvy you are at pop culture stuff and i just bit the big one. oh well. you win some and you lose a lot. builds character yadda yadda. i was asked to go to another audition to be a host for the la film festivals so i'm not too bumbed. oh yeah baby! i don't think it pays....ANYTHING but hey... my little rump has to start somewhere...dang can someone throw a money bone though?!



tomorrow i'm going on a date to see the movie cars and then the rest of the weekend i'm going to try my hardest to cheer up my best bud whose boy is leaving for italy. she gets to go see him in 3 weeks though so i can't pity her too much...italian men every where....mmm



fyi....narles barkely is cee-lo....amateurs! hmph

pop sugar diva

6.07.2006
aight ya'll. i'm now ready to go into battle. i came home early and sat my little keister down to start researching pop culture online. i've hit up popsugar.com and cnn.com (lol...for the nerd in me) plus i watched access hollywood and some e on mtv...oh yeah! i'm ready ya'll....i'm about to rock this audition! woooo hoooo.




something kind of disturbing, but totally blog worthy. so i had a bloody nose today, i tend to get them a bunch here lately (damn you california dry heat!) but for some really gross reason i actually looked at the tissue i was using to plug up with and it was in the shape of the number 12...so i immediately thought of the lottery (i dont' know just did) and then a couple hours later this woman from my department asks me if i want to go in on the pool....so i say yes as long as there's a 12 in the numbers-there is so maybe i'll win a litte something something :) cross your fingers!

i'm not gangsta!

6.05.2006
i'm not gangsta! so i tried the whole going out on a sunday night thing and i will NEVER do that ish again! one time thing. i feel like ish. with four hours of sleep and way too much to drink last night all i can say is it was interesting. :) it was fun don't get me wrong...just maybe a little too much.




i did meet a quite popular NBA rookie who was flirting...i was charmed until he asked me to pick out a girl i'd get freaky with for him. i scanned the crowd, found a girl that was decently cute and then left them both to chill together :) BOO on these stupid weirdos! makes ya hate being single even more!



i have a headache and i'm a little nauseated. :( never again....promise!

weltschmerz

6.04.2006
i learned a new word from the national spelling bee finals: weltschmerz.




it means sadness over the evils of the world. there are different words for specific sadnesses. interesting, eh?

stood up

there ain't a dang thing more annoying than being stood up. i'm in a craptastic mood today. that's all i have to say about that. i'm trying out for some game show later this week. i figure maybe i can make a penny or two...boy do i need a penny!!!

march of the penguins

ok this film is the cutest thing i've ever seen! i swear the little fellas are just like us! i witnessed two females duking it out over some dude penguin while he slapped fins with his homies. i was rolling hysterical. and then crying...they make you want to build igloos for them and beat seals and such over the head with a club. yeah i said it. you know what's coming next...I WANT A PENGUIN!

that's a wrap!

6.03.2006
so i just finished doing a scene for my myspace buddy's film in the valley. it freaking rocked. now mind you i was a complete and udder brat this morning...i was up early....i was in the heat...i was about to miss an appointment that i ended up canceling anyways...but then i chilled my butt down and put the darn thing in perspective...i was on set (which always fills me with new life) and my bud was cool enough to snag me a speaking role. i played someone by the name of ms jenkins which is funny because my girl, lex, has called me "latisha jenkins" for years. coincidence? i think not!




i'm so hung over now though from the heat. i have no ac in this tiny little place of mine so i'm going to go sleep to chill out. take a very cold shower :) it was a lot of fun though guys....i always forget that feeling...then i get up and out there and boom it comes at me.



i really need to focus on taking more classes. i always feel like i'm not hitting the scenes quite like i should. i want people to see my performances and just be blown away..back when i was taking classes every day i was killin folks but i'm kinda rusty. self doubt can be a nasty dirty thing ya'll...i can't end on that though cuz today freaking rocked, so i'll say that instead...today rocked and totally made my weekend. THANKS GREGORI!!!!

the fly

6.02.2006
a bug just splatted into my eye and actually squeezed in to my eye ball! my eye started burning and i dropped my lap top to run to the mirror..that was THE most disgusting thing that's ever happened to me. i had to seriously claw it out of my eye. i think there are bug guts in there cuz it stings really bad...damn bug! ugh. if i go blind ya'll will know why!

men are suddenly experts?

ok so one of my boys told me the other day i'm going about relationships all wrong and then preceeded to advise me on what i'm doing wrong and how i should fix it. he said all of this with authority because he of course is about to get married and therefore has become the uber expert on dating and finding a potential mate...groan gag. why do men (it's ALWAYS guys too) think that the minute they've found someone cool they have the power to tell everyone else their business? don't they know it's just luck?...dumb luck that you were lucky enough to find your soulmate! hmph. i was a little perturbed. i wanted to slap him for laughing at me with his mocking ass lil attitude lol....i'm not disheartened though. my best friend helped me to see that many of my other guy friends have done this to me in the past and once i caught on i found it to be quite humorous....men. i tell you what.




i do have an interesting question though for all the uber experts...is it easier to get married young...or to someone who doesn't have much of a past? the reason i ask is i now have a lot of ex boyfriends (groan) and guy friends built up cuz of my broke single behind...if i were to find the love of my life would it be kosher to let them all go? how do folks that get married later in life handle such a thing? i mean ideals set aside you do change (compromise) once you're married...not everyone can handle the ex love of your life stopping by for a beer. a guy i'm dating mentioned certain aspects of his past sexual life that had me whirling-mouth hanging open in shock...the works. i mean my young married freinds never have this problem! everything's new and a first for the both of them BUT NOOOOO not me. i don't want to hear these stories people! i don't want that past! (ok so i kinda do -it's totally a julia roberts in closer kind of thing, ya just keep asking questions....) but jeez!



relationships and those that preach to me about the damn things are goofy as heck to me. ok it's friday night. i'm a loser. i have to be up early for filming tomorrow so i couldn't go out with a new friend/twin from the mulatta nation (shout out to TIFF!). instead i'm sitting at home having a date with myself and the movie "midsummer's night dream"... all ya'll married/taken folk i do NOT wanna hear it!

wild horses couldn't drag me away

6.01.2006
there's no reason for that title other than the fact that I'm listening to that song...it's one of my favorites...




so today i went and met with this chick from this acting agency type place. they freaking rock. they are a network of casting directors and actors who help with resumes, cover letters, mass mailings of headshots, among helping you get discounts with photographers, setting you up in classes with casting directors...eva longoria went to this place...it was cool and the chick i met with said i definitely belong here...that i have good instinct (wink) and wants to enroll me in some advanced classes ...only catch--the yearly membership to this place is $450...yes. i mean if you think about it that's not much but i have to pay it all at once...so i'll be saving up for awhile...ms eating cereal at nights lol. it sounds cool though. TVI for anyone that's ever heard of it. this really nice chick on myspace actually recommended it to me. her son is freaking on "everybody hates chris" as the little brother so i'll take her word for it :)



so that was my day. a friend of mine on here, gregory martin, cast me in his latest film as a dean of students (hee hee) and so i'm going to shoot for that on Saturday morning. hopefully it will lead to more!



well dears. something will work itself out hopefully!
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