body rock

2.25.2006
ok so to add on to the whole "you are what you read" mentality, you are what you listen to in a sense too...well at least in my opinion which makes my music selections all the more hard to choose. so i had brian mcknight up for a little bit..i've had amel larrieux for awhile...jill scott...james blunt but now i'm wiggin out. mos def's gonna be jammin with me for a minute but then what? what will people think if i put up some whitney houston "i wanna dance with someone", some selena "dreaming of you"...i can't be looked at as soft man...can't be too lovey dovey. do you ever have this issue? what's in your sterio or ipod? (for all you cool people)

tgif

ok so someone else's blog totally just got the song "closing time" stuck in my head...doh! it won't leave! someone help me!

i've just sent pictures to be printed and copied to my agent and he's currently looking at my acting resume (that's not supposed to be a joke-i actually have one as puny as it is). hopefully it all goes cool. i'm trying to find a new job too. i applied to be a "valet girl"...lol. it's this really silly gig that a lot of chicks out in l.a. do to get 'discovered' and they make great tips in the process. i'd just park cars all night, but supposedly look cute in the process. we'll see if i get a callback or not. i actually had to submit a headshot resume for that ish!

i got a new book that i'm reading too. it's called _mixed: my life in black and white_ and it's funnier than i don't know what. one thing though: i actually feel kinda funny reading it in public. is that funny? lol...it's got this big pic of this curly haired girl on the cover (the author duh) and then in big words it says "MIXED"...i secretly think everyone thinks it's a 'how-to' i'm reading to learn about myself at 24. i just love biracial perspectives, but i'm a self-conscious dork nonetheless...luckily not enough to get me to stop reading it in public...same thing happened with malcolm x..i thought everyone thought i was militant..maybe you can judge a person by their book's cover, who knows! all i know is i'm a spaz.

i hope that i have a good weekend. i can't wait to sleep in...chill and hang out with my peeps. my boy best friend out here and i are hanging tomorrow afternoon, i've suckered him into watching some of my favorite flicks and going with me to 21 choices..the best frozen yogurt place in the world. it should be really fun. then tomorrow night i think my girl and i are gonna go dancing..we got a nice little tease last weekend at her lil bro's birthday party and it's her weekend without her son so i do believe i'll be shaking my lil tail feather tomorrow night. if i'm not being too much of a grammama. ;) we'll see. you never know with my butt! i plan to go see Madea's Family Reunion too this weekend. I thought for the longest time i'd hate Tyler Perry films...(me being a snot) but "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" was terrific so I can't wait to see this new one. Oh I saw "Freedomland" last night..don't know if I liked that one yet or not. Let me think on it and i'll give you my thumb up or down verdict.

ok it's time to eat. my stomach is having intricate conversations with me :) ciao!

blog worthy

2.22.2006
ok so my wonderful pal, lex, hit me back with all my blog-worthy thoughts over the weekend and they're not so blog worthy now. i basically just wanted to point out that boys out in cali are wayyyy too metro for girls from the midwest. midwest ladies these men are an anomoly...they have intricate gelled spike hairstyles, flipped collars, coordinating shades, they have pretty hands, order coffee drinks like "lowfat milk, sugar free vanilla latte with no whip" um yeah...it's just weird. but alas, that's not really all that blog worthy is it...even though i've just devoted a paragraph to it. hee hee today was a hard day my friends. when people work you like kunta and treat you like dirt it's hard to come home and write something funny and cute. i have nothing...oh! wait! i do! i wrote to an uncle of mine who's the music director of a popular hip hop station back home in kansas city. anyways he totally hooked me up with some names of some folks that i'm supposed to talk to in the industry. i'm gonna write my agent and see how i should go about this. i'm pumped though! oh and i got to talk to my best friend for almost an hour on the phone tonight (we don't get to chat during the week all that often) and it totally brightened my day/night. having a best friend that seriously gets you, gets everything about you...even the things you don't say.. and knows you better than you know yourself is wonderful. hearing her laugh alone helps...gotta love red heads ya'll or at least mine!!! for tomorrow: ok, cross your fingers that i find the correct tax forms i need to send to my wonderful grandpapa at the post office, that my watch that i took in to a jewelry store last week looks beautiful and restored (i crushed in the crystal-my bad) and that tomorrow i get to actually work at a slower pace...that someone actually sees that i'm a human and not their personal production machine and i can actually get some acting contacts made :) here's to sanity

love

2.19.2006
today i'm just having one of those days where i just love life and all the good stuff happening in it. i keep thinking about one of my boys and the new woman in his life that he has fallen in love with and i just felt really giddy. last night i saw a guy propose to his girl at his surprise birthday party and it was beautiful to see love before my eyes. the boy was literally sick to his stomach the whole night. every time his wife to be came around him he'd grab his stomach and try to get away without being obvious. she was complaining that he was ignoring her lol...turns out he just kept trying to wait for the perfect time. gotta love it. love can be so inspiring..even when i'm unsure of it and scared to death that it won't exist for me i still can't resist watching people look at each other in that way. sigh...it's all around me lately too. i just read something on cnn.com about how love is just something in our brain similar to chocolate. just a reward/an obsession that we have to have...for the bitter girl in me this makes sense but how do they explain the fact that it's been forever and a day since i've been in love and i still crave it like it was yesterday..despite all of the negative associations that followed falling in love? explain that psych majors!

so yeah, i admitted it...i pine at times. who doesn't?

how you changed my world

i love the people God has blessed me with in my life. i have some of the best peeps around me. it's just a good feeling. shout out to all my beautiful friends. i love you guys!

i told you all i love my sundays. today was so great i can't even blog all the stuff i said i was gonna blog about. (lex if you can just remind me of what i was telling you this morning that would be greeeat) my roommate is currently in the other room BELTING out "I feel a little poke coming thru"...it's quality lyrics like that that make it all worthwhile. :) nice, huh? today i was so lazy and chill it was wonderful. i woke up late, talked to friends and family, watched "thelma and louise" which i had never seen before (yes i know) and then went out to the land of target with my roomie and kicked it. i got a beautiful teapot (left my fav back in kc) so i'm sipping wonderful spiced tea and enjoying my lazy day. now boyz II men's "4 seasons of change" is on....gosh i love music today! nothing extraordinary happened this weekend but it was just beautiful. yesterday i chilled in old town pasadena and had a lovely italian breakfast at this little cute spot and then went out with my girl to this haunted big boat called the queen mary (folks outside of cali don't know about that ish so all you cali people just lay off of me for explaining it like i did) and had bud time. i've had moments of worry that i haven't heard from my agent yet or my furniture place that is holding my couch hostage, but moments like this help alleviate the panic attacks :)

my best friend and sista girl just informed me that they will be visiting me in april and my boy from lawrence is also coming to chill some time in march. like i said, i love my friends. i just finished my essence magazine for this month and it said that i'm gonnna experience what i've always wanted--basically i take that to mean my acting. i can just feel this buzz and i can't wait for it to happen. i can't wait to begin. i figured something important out last night. i'll never be a girlie girlie...i'll never be hollywood cool/chic, but dang if i won't make people rethink what it means to be an every day woman out in hollywood trying to make it on her dream alone. that's it for now. tomorrow i'm having lunch with a friend who's been out here acting for a grip. hopefully she can shed some light on the situation. i'm excited. sorry for rambling...hopefully soon i'll have something exciting to say ;)
2.18.2006
i just read this...




"we listened as his soul cracked"



have you ever listened as someone's soul did that? i have...being that i also empathize--my soul cracked too.



(in this case it was in reference to President Bush)...hmmm

v-day has come and gone!

2.15.2006
wow...so that nasty day is FINALLY over. yesterday i sat at my cube and looked around in utter amasement at what i witnessed. there were grown ass women (pardon my french) parading their silly flowers (that may i remind you will DIE soon) around to single women and it was just disgusting me. personally flowers aren't my bag but i could see single women just looking as depressed as they possibly could because some dingle dork from a thousand years ago decided to be a saint and secretly marry folks when it was illegal to do so. ahhh ladies. we can't let something birthed by hallmark inc. get to us like that. it's just a day. i decided to be my own and my friends just for shits and giggles and it was great. i went to starbucks after work, got me a cinnamon frapp, headed over to taco bell (because i LOVE it) then went home and watched a good flick. it was lovely. my boy decided to join me cuz he said it sounded like fun (lol although he later regretted the taco bell-only the few strong can handle some good bell food). it was tight ya'll. now it's over but those damn flowers are still around. i have allergies too and had to go pick some up at the front desk for a sick chick in my department...everyone suddenly put me in the cool group when i was walking up stairs saying "oh your man finally delivered yours" like they were worried for me but i proudly said they were not mine...ironically trying to belittle the darn roses as much as possible.

now if i can just get out of this funk that my work keeps forcing me into i'd be swell. it's coming...the clouds are about to part. my agent is as we speak looking over my shots and hopefully he picks some soon so i can start auditioning! yahooo! wish me luck!

are those fake eyelashes or are you just happy to see me?

2.11.2006
this weekend has been great so far! so yesterday i took some tishy time to head over to best buy and use a christmas gift card i've been hording for a minute and bought four new movies..."my big fat greek wedding", "bend it like beckham","diary of a mad black woman" and "cruel intentions" lol...i figured i've got one for every mood. i was looking for love jones but they didn't have it. if anyone ever finds it let me know so i can go to that glorious store and buy the darn thing! so last night i got some good lil snacks and watched diary and had a blast. then today i had my photoshoot for headshots. it was awesome! i met this really cool chick on myspace when i very first moved here and thru chatting found out she was a makeup artist..she's amazing so i hired her. we have a lot in common so it was cool to have her up in the hills of the valley with me...speaking of-- this place we shot at was amazing! the photographer rocks so if anyone ever needs one i'll give you his info for sure! he has this amazing house on top of a hill..there's a pool...a beautiful terrace thingy with flowers hanging from it...great view, breeze...it was so romantic. so we shot and the photos turned out amazing! my face went berzerk this week...groan and so i was hesitant to shoot but with vanessa and him there the photos turned out great. i almost cried..they're pretty :) especially will be after they've been touched up...i'll admit it i've become high maintenance! :) i'm trying to upload pics right now but they're being difficult lol...they're huge! in some i can see the "julia roberts" thing i always get...

so yeah, tomorrow i might drive down to carson (?) and visit a cousin who's up watching her kiwi boyfriend play rugby and basically chill...

as for now...i'm about to head to burbank to see "curious george" with my girl B and her child...oh yeah! now that's a saturday night!

killin it son

2.07.2006
ok so to continue on with my last blog, the whole weekend i was feeling like a million bucks...the weather's been perfect, i've just been beaming from ear to ear, but this nasty heifa at my job is sadly diminishing my ability to live my life like it's golden...this woman has me screaming inside from the time i arrive to work to when i leave...it's not cool...to the point where now i have to start looking for a new job. i need something that's just a mindless money maker so i can focus on what i came here to do...i didnt' move all the way out to cali so that i could have yet another deranged woman making my working life a living pooh. is it really possible to tune these kinda people out? why do they get to me so? to the point where i'm blogging about them! ahhh! i did make a delightfully yummy frozen pizza...putting it in the oven counts as 'making it' and i'm about to watch some american idol which i haven't gotten a chance to look at yet so the night's looking up...who knows right?

mmm water

2.06.2006
so i had an audition today for a water brand lol...i had to 'act' as though i hadn't had a drink of anything for 3 days...in a desert. the casting director specifically said do not be cute ladies..so i get up there with my blind butt (no contacts ya'll...pink eye remember?) and start gulping that ish in the most unattractive way...




the nerd in me broke free! i really can't do pretty very well. it just doesn't suit me ok?...it was entertaining though to watch the other girls in my group do sexy "i'm dying of thirst but don't i look hot while i'm dying?" stuff...and watch the guys in our group react to this sexual thirst quenching moment...hee hee. it was good fun and i'm glad i had the opportunity to go. thanks mr. agent...for once



so yeah if i get it, it will only air and be published (commercial and print ad) in japan so if you happen to go their you might be able to catch me in a water ad. i should find out soon if i got a callback or not lol....i'll let ya'll know!



isn't life grand?



on the boy front...i had a dream last night...woke up with some tears cuz i realized the reason i was dreaming what i dreamed is because i was wishing it consciously. sigh...it gets easier i know...i know. i'm meredith right now...the ordinary girl that's more obsessed with her love life than her budding career...it's alright though : ) don't ever let me do grey's comparisons again either...one time only...

superbowl sunday!

2.05.2006
hey hey hey.

so last night i went out with my girls during the day and saw the movie "something new". it was tight ya'll...my roommate (always the professor) of course had to dissect that ish and talk about the complications associated with a successful black woman in the media choosing a white male over a successful black man, but i went to see that flick with only the intentions of being entertained and i was. great acting, good writing...it was even cool to see the black folk areas of los angeles...don't get it twisted folks...for all of you back in the midwest-- all the shots you see are near crenshaw or on crenshaw lol...yeah...south central--the same areas the media likes to say are black-infested gang banger areas..don't believe the hype. there is a huge group of black intellectual/artistic/creative beautiful folk living in the area. i'm in love with it.

later after that flick and some shopping down in santa monica i went out again to see a flick with my girl bree and that was lovely. we saw "brokeback mountain" and it was disturbingly beautiful. i sat there after it was over and just fought back tears. there's brief images of what hate can do to the gay community and it was really hard for me to shake that. it also brings up strong emotions associated with cherishing the time you do have with the one you love...and the cast was phenomenal...phenomenal!

i hate to sound bubbly and uncool but the best part of going to burbank to see that last flick was this little 9 year old in front of me. i was walking thru the ticket line and i hear this little girl making this familiar weird sound and i seriously flipped out (you can ask my girl)...i make this sound by curling up my fingers to my mouth and saying "girl" into the small hole my fingers make...it just sounds funny as all get out and i heard her doing this..i've never met anyone else that's ever done that before..her mother said she was on a kick and wanted to know if it was from a movie...and it's not. i have no idea how she learned to do it. lol...i love it! the mother wasn't as amused...i said i did that and she looked at me and replied "yeah well she's 9" lol...sorry if i'm still a 'kidult'...gosh!

so yeah. i've had a pretty layed back good weekend. today is superbowl sunday...i'm going to my home girl brandi's house for a day of screaming and shouting...go steelers! i'm even bringing some bbq sauce from kc that's famous...gates ya'll! mmm it's about to be on and poppin. since friday i seriously have been lovin life...i can't explain it...you know those days where you just feel beautiful and able?! friday i hung out with a guy friend and we just ate ice cream in a little grassy area in a parking lot and listened to music...i sat there vib'in and i just felt lavendar and blue...cool and chill...beautiful and able and it hasn't stopped. :)

something new

2.02.2006
tomorrow i get to go see the movie "something new" with my home girls. this should be a blast. i'm interested to see a movie that deals with sisters letting go of the notion that they have to be with a brutha and just letting go and enjoying life. here we go folks!

the rest of the weekend i will be resting and enjoying resting lol..how bout that?! i got my hair cut today to prepare for headshots...wahooo!

books

2.01.2006
Today I was chatting over email with a good friend from my old job about books and I started to feel some old pangs of sadness. My how I miss sitting down with someone and just blabbing for hours about reading. I remember one night my best friend and I went to this little bar on 8th and Mass in Lawrence, got some great sangria and blabbed about books for a bit…it was one of my favorite nights with her.



Side note: This woman at my job calls me “LaTishfers” and it cracks me up. Such a hoot.
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