the pursuit of happyness

i finally got to see the movie, "the pursuit of happyness" this weekend and it was as touching as i expected it to be, but it was a hard one to watch.

my blogs are never too personal, but it seems that the more i write, the more comfortable i here goes.

the movie talks about this amazing father and his amazing strength to keep his head above water for his child. it's crazy but my whole life i've kept how i grew up this big secret. it's not that i'm ashamed, but i didn't want to put my mother thru it all again...i brought it up once as a kid and she started crying because she hadn't known i'd remember. nothing big. we were just really poor. we would wash our clothes in bathtubs, hang them to dry in the oven, walk everywhere...even with chicken pox...sometimes sleep on floors. my mom was young but she seriously made those times fun for me. she'd blast music and we'd dance and do our thing...years later my sisters would tease me for hanging on to toys or taking care of things in an almost anal retentive kind of way...but it simply because i learned to appreciate the gifts that i knew not everyone could get. that movie hit really close to home. we walked out and for the first time in front of another person i cried about it all. my guy was really cool about the whole thing and sat and talked to me for a while. i'm so scared of going back to that place. i don't know if i could be as strong as my mom once was. i don't know if i have that kind of hustle...people that have never experienced that kind of life can watch will smith's movie and then just move on..."good flick, i'm glad he got rich, lets go home and play with our ipods and be merry" but there's so much more to the story. we get so hung up on our lives we forget that there are people with real struggles just trying to keep their heads above water. you'll see will smith deal with that in the movie...

i can't wait to go home this weekend and hug the crap out of my mom. when you watch that movie you'll get why...she's a lot like will smith was. a girl i work with was explaining how everyone thinks her mother is beautiful because she never leaves the house without makeup or her hair mom may not be the makeup wearing girlie girl type (now you know where i get it from) but she's still the most beautiful woman i've ever met. it's hard to keep focus being out here among the cali folks, but at least it came back. people probably question why i can be so harsh towards people i feel are priveleged and bratty about it. i try not to be, but it's just so disgusting to watch someone be ungrateful.

so there ya go...just in time my mind became clear again-- just in time for the holidays.

p.s. i really am lucky to have a boyfriend like the one i do. as he sits beside me watching lord of the rings for the upteenth time...i don't really care. it's good to have a best friend that has your back...even thru the really hard stuff that you normally can't share. merry christmas some more people..i can't say it enough!


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