the secret

8.03.2006
wow.




have you ever had a situation where you've looked in the mirror and you don't recognize the person staring back at you? you have to literally sit there and stare at yourself and ask yourself what the heck you've been doing with your life...ask yourself who you've become...



i've been going thru the motions of living for quite some time and just recently with the break up i experienced i've just come alive. my voice has come back...my emotions are heightened. it's crazy. so the guy that hurt me did a number...he had me at a point where i thought he had ruined my life..that somehow i'd never be able to trust or love again but that was so silly and naive of me...i kind of want to slap the old me. last week i woke up...really looked in the mirror and realized that i'm an awesome being and a fly ass diva if i might add....one poor mistake made by another that i wasn't even comfortable sharing all of my emotions with shouldn't have the power to break me. so i decided at that moment not to put anymore negative energy towards him....it just didn't seem worth it and it was seriously eating me up inside.



fast forward to yesterday. so i'm sitting at work and this woman that i've known since i first moved here called me randomly...so i call her back to see what's up and she sounds so energetic on the phone..she's telling me about this video party she's hosting and she's telling me i have to come. so i say what the heck and head down to inglewood...when i say that was the BEST decision i've made in months....you don't even know. so this dvd, the secret, is a sort of documentary that basically lays out how to have a happy and successful life...and when i say it was a moving experience that almost brought me to tears i'm not being overly dramatic. the philosophies just made sense. i recommend everybody checking it out. it totally reaffirmed my decision not to hate my ex and to respect the good that came out of that situation...what i learned from it...not to think of life as karma rearing it's ugly head at the people that have done me wrong..instead it discussed how to refocus energy into the positive dreams we strive for...the minute it was over i had to be alone...i went out to my car and i sat there looking at the stars and told myself that acting is what i really want. i want to be an actress...i just kept saying it over and over again. some might think i'm hokie but i don't care...i haven't had an audition in...well, i can't tell you how long...how is it that i booked two auditions today?!!! they're both tomorrow. the first one is for a music video starring mya. i'd play her and another artist's friend and then i have one for some reality tv show thing on E. i'd be an assistant. they called my agent personally :) nice, eh? i woke up this morning feeling great. i could see the good in every situation...it totally knocked out any ill wills i was holding...i'm just ready to focus on what i want in life.



the woman in the mirror can seriously knock you into gear when you let her apparently. if anyone's interested in the video let me know and i'll send you the info. it's not scientology or anything that requires kool aid or a cult following..it's just a new way of looking at life and yourself...i'm actually proud of my life..i'm grateful that i have such wonderful friends that continue to make me a better person. it's crazy...just crazy. wish me luck tomorrow! i'm stoked! i want to be a great actress....i want to be a great actress...

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