i got the role!

so the woman that i auditioned for a couple of weeks ago just called me tonight and said they were interested in casting me in their short film...but not in the supportive role, but for THE LEAD! yes ya'll! they need me to come and rehearse with them this weekend...i gotta take care of that since i'll be gone (hee hee) but i'm totally pumped!!!!

just call me phinneus gage

so i'm so grouchy that my crouchiness is making me grouchy...i have this obnoxious cough that keeps me up at nights....i'm going on i believe week three of hacking my lungs up and so the sleep deprivation is finally getting to me. i've been a peach at work let me tell you. i'm fed up with my agent who is hysterically enough lost my headshots and resumes i just sent him...a pretty penny to replace for little ole me and people who talk to me period...sounds nasty huh? it is. i'm making brownies currently to put myself in a more chipper state of mind. the chocolate whiffs are seeping into my nostrils and feeling me up with warm lovely seratonin...mmmm. see that easy. maybe people should pump chocolate aromas thru dismal places...it could work.

count down to kc begins today...two days suckas! wooo hooo!

i was right

i predicted right...my weekend was amazingly chill and wonderful. friday i was pleasantly surprised by this band i went and saw in simi valley. my ex coworker plays guitar and has this awesome woman who sings with him. they did a lot of great beatles songs and then some other goodies new and old. the lady had this amazingly gritty but sweet voice. the most touching part of the evening though was when she was getting so into one of her songs that she couldn't finish because she got a little choked up. when was the last time you saw lyrics affect someone on stage like that?

saturday was amazing too. i woke at 6:30 to the delightful sounds of my little homie, b's child, asking if he could watch cartoons J so i had a good head start. i took my car in (groan) and then b picked me up so that we could hang out in pasadena. i got my eyebrows pretty (hee hee), we had breakfast at one of my favorite little restaurants called mi piace and walked around and shopped for a while. i bought this beautiful (and might i add cheap) dress that i ended up wearing that night too. it was just one of those days where you just chill and do what you please, go wherever the wind takes you....and actually take the time to appreciate the fact. we came home around 2 or so and started getting ready for hermosa beach, putt on our new duds and then headed out, stopping at titos tacos along the way. the BEST tacos and salsa i've ever had ya'll...it was amazing and there was a line for days. (just one of those city gems you find if youre lucky)

we arrived in hermosa and went to this little place sangria and spent the rest of the evening eating, drinking, laughing and dancing...it was lovely...just carefree and perfect.

sunday was pretty cool too. i did my errands for the day and then went and saw the movie invincible which was amazingly great i have to say. i love football even if i can't catch all the games i would like to, there's just something about football season that makes life just a little more better. i can remember being a kid and crunching thru the fall leaves knowing that i was on my way home to watch football with my dad; giggling as he sang the monday night football song asking me if I was ready J (he just sent me a text asking me if i was ready for football just now...see!) some things in life are just sacred and that movie captured the spirit of the game and good ole fashion friendship and love that movies have been missing lately...at least in my opinion.

i have a bounce in my step today because of all of that. J this week will be amazing too. i get to see my girl jeniper this weekhow frickin awesome is that?!!! i can't wait to just kick back in lawrence, go to our favorite little bar that serves sangria...laugh with my girl, hang with the guys, catch up with my college buddies that still live in the area. i'm a lucky girl.

la bruja: creating a little magic

it's officially the weekend and i don't know what it is about this it but i know it's gonna be a memorable one. i can just feel it in the air...

i had another one of those days where things just seemed to go my way. i went and picked up the cd by corinne bailey rae, grabbed some new books for my upcoming plane trips and just hung out with my fatigued bud and roomie, b. it was and still is the perfect day for putting life in perspective. for a quick minute i was getting really caught up in what others would think about my life choices...i was so scared to disappoint those i keep in my close circle but it was making me sick literally. the minute i made an independent choice i felt a frickin weight being lifted and although my current decisions may come as a surprise, my peeps have been surprisingly supportive (thank you justin...even if you did agree to be supportive with the stipulation that i get you an agent). no need to fret ya'll...my actions may confuse, but i always have the revolutionary petunia in mind. i'm heading home next weekend and it's just in time...my girls back there need the rational and put together tish and i plan to bring them just that.

ok enough of that...this weekend i plan to live life to the fullest. tomorrow my girl and i plan to drop off my car at the shop (does anyone want to buy me a toyota prius?!!!) then we're going to the rose bowl to walk for an hour, followed by a nice eyebrow wax, some breakfast...a shower! and then we're heading out to hermosa beach where we plan to kick it at a little place called "sangria" fitting since it's my favorite thing in the world.

it's gonna be a great weekend ya'll!


August 26th will officially mark my one year anniversary of knowing my friends here in California. Its funny that I really didnt put too much on my one year to move to Califor some reason this date seems a little more important. I can remember this time last year feeling like Californians were the coldest people I had ever met. I couldnt make a friend if my life depended on it, but then one random Friday night I decided to join my uncle for a happy hour celebration for his job and voila! I met folks that I actually had something in common with. B will laugh and tell you that I forced her to be my friend and shes telling the truth. I knew a good thing when I met it. Now here we are almost a year later and were joined at the hip. Funny how life works outI love my friends and I love that night because it introduced me to a whole new can of worms that has made my life here in LA quite interesting

Ive been scared to reflect on my year thus far because I dont feel like Ive really done much, but I plan on correcting that this year. I still have things I want to do with my friends to guarantee Im enjoying the process on the way to my goals..its just a matter of balancing such things. For instance, this weekend I plan to go see a workmate's band perform with some friends of mine and then Saturday Im heading out to a beach with my girls to hang out and relax.

Work today is heinous. Im not in the mood to do stuff..more in a contemplative state of mind. My latest observationhuman beings abilities to think of humans as creatures capable of perfection. Yes we all talk about how no one can be perfect, but when people make mistakesbig mistakes were crushed, heartbroken, disappointed, the works. Im realizing for the first time that I was such a person. Theanne frank syndrome (I believe people are good at heart) mentality is always a refreshing and great outlook to have, but when you dont leave room for error you get a hard slap of reality thats hard to let go. What caused me to think this way? Thinking that people dont lie, cheat, lose hope, etc. is very naïve. Did I learn it from the tv or what?! Its crazy. Things have changed lately. Ive had time to sit back and think about life and Ive come to the conclusion that Im not cynicalI still hold my friends to a level of decencythink that for the most part theyre going to respect people and do good things, but I wont knock them for the mistakes eitherI give credit to Nick Hornbythe author of _How to be Good_. Without his clever writing abilities I dont think I would have given this subject that much thought. It's definitely a good read for all and don't get it twisted...he definitely makes fun of those trying to be goody goodies in the process....it's Nick Hornby for goodness sakes!

saturdays at the musuem

i hate myspace. how many times have i typed that? if it erases my blog one more time....and this one was good damn it! i'm gonna try to shake off the myspace annoyances and just get all this out. bare with me.

so this weekend has been spectacular! yesterday at work i had this sugar rush that seriously lasted all day with no crashes. i was dancing and goofing off the whole work day and just having a blast with my buds. then afterwards i went and saw the movie, "monster house" and it was really good. total adult humor--had me rolling and even a little spooked in certain parts. yes, i'll admit it. :) then today i woke up early and got all my business out of the way and then had time to come home, watch some girlie flicks with my girl and take a nap before heading off to the african american museum.

the museum seriously took me to another world. today they had three exhibits; one for celia cruz, the negro baseball league and rwanda orphans. words can't describe how moved i was. i started off in the room that the museum always has which covers the basic black experience. it moves thru african tribal pieces, to the black west, reconstruction a little, the civil rights era and black image in general thru the eyes of african americans (huge important detail) then i went to celia cruz's room and was blown away. i found her years ago when she did a song with wyclef, but i wasn't prepared for how phenomenal she was as a woman. she's one of my new sheroes. she brought this positive force...this happy energy...this "AZUCAR"! that's addicting to watch. they had screens showcasing her music performances and i just sat there on a bench in awe. she had one performance where she sang a lullabye she said she would have sang to her child if she would have been able to have them and it had me weeping...it was so raw and honest. ugh.

the other two exhibits had similar crying effects on me. how can you not cry when you see the oppressed's eyes...whether it be black men at the turn of the century who just wanna play the game or hutu and tutsi orphans...their eyes were all the same. tears kept welling up.

it was a great day to be alive. i can't believe i'm actually typing this, but i'm falling in love with los angeles. it took me some time, but where else can you get this type of day at your fingertips? there's culture bursting from every crevice of this city. at the museum i picked up a flyer for this book reading that will take place in a couple of weeks. it looks dope. it's a book of essays that examine "the simple fact that authenticity is far more complicated than one's choice of words or music". lol...basically the story of my life but yeah. i'm totally down to go. it'll be back at the museum so i'll have a new spot :)

i've been brought back to the middle today. it's these types of day that push me to appreciate life for all its worth. now i'm about to get ready to appreciate life a little more. my boy mateo is leaving me for a new state with his girlfriend....i know, alas i will no longer have my token white boy best guy friend around. he's having a pub party tonight so i'm going to bid him farewell. chug back a couple with him...trying to be supportive. TRYING!

tomorrow i have another audition, but this time it's in burbank so i'll get to go have dinner with a girlfriend of mine afterwards. the whole weekend is just crazy cool. i love it....gotta have these types of weekends more often!

love bugs in act III

"Maybe sometimes, we got it wrong, but it's alright

The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same

Oh, don't you hesitate.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song

You go ahead, let your hair down

Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,

Just go ahead, let your hair down."

i'm diggin corrine bailey rae right now so much...you just CAN'T be in a bad mood when she's singing...although it is quite difficult to blog with noise around i've decided and that kind of makes my butt twitch. anyways today was a hard day for acts I and II. I had to go to a new doctor here in los angeles and it was totally whack...had to wait 2 hrs (with an appointment) just so she could sit there and make me feel like pooh but then i got back to work (act III) and found out that this totally cute girl that i absolutely love secretly married someone who also works in our building with us and she was telling me about how he proposed and how sweet and wonderful he is and it totally made my day. all that bad stuff from the morning just melted away (well most of it!) i love cute couples...it made me think i'm maybe not so numb as i thought i was. i've been in this blank state for weeks now...neither caring one way or the other if i ever date someone again...but i think i could possibly some day. the hope is lingering some where deep in my soul :) i feel like i should cry or something. i think i'll just go write in my journal and read some instead :) i can't believe it's almost thursday ya'll! life's crazy like that.

beauty in a breakdown

i was just listening to that song so there's the scoop on the blog title folks. this isn't a dramatic "whoas me" one so you're safe for now :) i'm still doing good...still excited to embark on the whole dating myself thang. today was a good day. i've swapped a couple of emails back and forth with a good friend of mine who has just moved to baltimore...she's doing amazing things and showing those punks on the east coast she ain't puttin up with any bull spit.

then there's my newest buddy (we'll call her a for short) who is totally getting me right now...it's crazy. electronic support and understanding is always a good thing!

then there's me, myself and i. i was reading an article about luke wilson today in Elle magazine and how hard it was for him to get work after bottle rocket...things like that push me to do the things i need to do out here. i don't know why i've been lagging so much. there are these commercials on tv of girls and boys doing all this ish just to get a little extra money so that they can put it towards their dream... (one shows a girl trying to be a ballerina. the other-- a guy who saves and saves to buy a guitar).

i need to get my ish together because the auditions have been funny. i've gotten to a point where i laugh because i seriously have been doing HORRIBLE in them. i need to take classes on that ish lol. i'll admit it! saving up money for that and an apartment of my own though lol. i'm so lazy silly right now. i have to change that. i have to be almost annoyingly aggressive when it comes to my dreams. someone please shake me! ok bed time. just thought i'd pour everything out of my head :) felt good. thanks for listening.

p.s. i just had this AMAZING drink. it's this all natural juice...cranberry lemonade. yummy stuff. it's the little things in life...like a sip of cranberry lemonade that make me melt like butta. now my girl has me watching some crazy scary movie. who will volunteer to hold me when i sleep? :)

on my own

when i say that i've lived alone and independently for years i mean lone ranger style...but when i say i've always lived by other's standards and never went from my gut it's a sick sad fact. for once in my life...i'm tonto-less but cool. i'm making some hard decisions and i feel like everyone's got an opinion on these new insights and choices. it's hard. it sends mixed signals. my girl b says i'm a drama queen and i can see that. i'm that girl that tells all her business and expects her gals to lend an ear...i took advantage of that for years but i have to be a big girl now. i'm 25 years old damn it. i've got some brains...i can be an intelligent person from time to time. i've gotten tish this far and i think i can do a pretty good job of taking her further..it scares me that people don't have faith in my ability to handle stuff. i guess it's time to show rather than tell, huh? i plan on doing some things for me in the next month...i'm going to the african american history museum...catch a movie some sunday afternoon alone...do stuff for me. introverted me is kind of scary but it's worth it. insight sho did take me long enough to find!

saturday morning thoughts

i hate myspace. if it erases one more of my blogs.....OOOO! i'm gonna hurt something. how frustrating is that?! now you understand why the blogs dwindle at times.

so what i was writing (groan) was....

los angeles definitely has its moments. one of the sista girls is in town visiting so thursday night i took her out dancing at a club and we had a blast. dennis rodman was there. i thought that was totally hilarious so i agreed to go to his VIP room to observe the craziness we all hear about but unfortunately it was quite borring back there....besides his pimp suit attire. we left after 10 minutes to go back out and dance.

i plan to take her out today for lunch and hang out...do some cleaning and finish unpacking. yesterday i went out and got a cd case for all my cd's...it was a sad moment for me. i'm kind of weird about how much i love to stack cds when they're in their cute tidy little packages. alas it doesn't really fit with my new tiny little spaced life so i had to pitch the darn things. sniff...don't ask. it's just a thing i have...had.

tomorrow i have an audition too for a short film. it should be a nice chill and hopefully successful weekend. the part i'm trying out for is interesting...she's a lot like me. it seems like a good thing but it would require me to start exposing parts of tishy...secrets to the bat cave... i'm a soldier though so i'm cool :) i'm just happy to deal with some acting stuff for a change

last night i also booked a plane ticket home :) it's time to go see my peoples and get some of my ground back!!! oh yeah baby!

you say this i say that

there is nothing worse in the world than writing a long beautiful blog and then having myspace erase it...what happens to the lost blogs of the world? is there an alternate universe that collects them?...a more perfect world because you know the first is always the best. you always half ass everything you do after that. hmph. i could be mad and kick my laptop but i've decided to shake it off and try again because this topic i'm about to discuss is just too good to pass up.

so my best gal pal j just wrote a quirky smart blog about words: the ones you love the ones that make you throw up in your mouth a little bit...well at least according to her and it totally inspired me. she's right...words can make or break a mood (or a butt twitch) i love the kind of words that roll off your tongue and make you giggle but more than that i love using words in tish-like ways to create tishisms...i would give an example, but will refrain due to what i'm about to write in a moment. others i'm sure do this too...it's the biggest craze in los angeles...coming up with new phrases like "that's hot, that's bananas yo, bet!, slammin, etc." and whatever else. it's great....we all love using words BUT what i can't stand is when people bite my words and phrases...wha'ts worse is when they use them for their own personal mo jo stuff...more than that when they use my ish ON ME! ha! what kind of game is that?! i seriously get butt twitches off of that. i mean i can understand if you're hanging with me for a minute you'll pick up phrases such as "heifa", "chickadee", and my annoying odd laugh but come on...my phrases...and used with such confidence and ownership...tut tut. STOP!

that's my rant for the week. mad props to you jentar for your wonderful blog and the words that made me giggle today.

PEACE, layaz, ta ta for now, ciao, BYE!

lucky strike or maybe not so much

so last weekend was an interesting adventure. the auditions were fun but i haven't a clue how long you wait before realizing that you didn't get the part/role, etc. i had fun though, right? then saturday morning i woke up feeling like a million dollars. i went and got my eyebrows waxed and when i say this woman who does them is amazing...i drive 20 minutes to pasadena just so i can lay down and have this divine woman massage my temples and eyebrows and make me inhale peppermint crap...it's the bomb. i did that and then landed a gig next month modeling for an aveda hair show...go me. i guess it pays to have a good hair day, huh? i was feeling so good afterwards that i decided to go get a tangerine frap at starbucks and then i shopped for "feel good" clothes...you know the kind that are cheap and make you feel pretty. i ended up at jcrew of course because they use the best cottony materials...i got a little something for me and my roomie b and called it a morning. i spent the rest of the day attempting to clean and unpack stuff, but we got hooked on sex and the city (i own all of them suckas!) and thus i had a perfect chill day.

that night i invited a new friend of mine Nato to go lucky strike bowling with b and i...there were countless others invited to the shindig but alas they have no concept of how much fun a night with some balls can be (hee hee....) for those of you who don't know lucky strike is the bomb if done occasionally. it's kind of pricy but it's right down in hollywood and you'll see famous people from time to time...not to mention a nice mixed crowd. we saw a dude from the real world actually. we got there at an awkward time so we had a little waiting to do. i knew i needed to remain hyped so i went to the bar by myself and began to party with a little drink that i love, pineapple juice and rum. ah...why i didn't stop after the second one?...hmmm. i got out to the lanes and seriously fell and landed straight on my knee caps...um yes folks i was the dumb drunk stupid girl for once. i guess we just all have our moments, eh? it was fun though! i broke 100 two times lol...i was a little rusty but i'm a soldier! then sunday i hauled more crap to storage...got pooped and decided to get more tangerine starbucks...tish days have to return...reading good books...good vibes...chill weather. sigh...

my goal for this week is to have more of those moments. one of the sista girls is in town on business so thursday night i plan to take her out to this hot little club down in hollywood and kick it. enjoy life...book a plane ticket home to see my friends and family. it's a good week i must say...a dang good week!

sorry for the lack of blogs...internet was down folks. bummer!

the secret


have you ever had a situation where you've looked in the mirror and you don't recognize the person staring back at you? you have to literally sit there and stare at yourself and ask yourself what the heck you've been doing with your life...ask yourself who you've become...

i've been going thru the motions of living for quite some time and just recently with the break up i experienced i've just come alive. my voice has come back...my emotions are heightened. it's crazy. so the guy that hurt me did a number...he had me at a point where i thought he had ruined my life..that somehow i'd never be able to trust or love again but that was so silly and naive of me...i kind of want to slap the old me. last week i woke up...really looked in the mirror and realized that i'm an awesome being and a fly ass diva if i might add....one poor mistake made by another that i wasn't even comfortable sharing all of my emotions with shouldn't have the power to break me. so i decided at that moment not to put anymore negative energy towards him....it just didn't seem worth it and it was seriously eating me up inside.

fast forward to yesterday. so i'm sitting at work and this woman that i've known since i first moved here called me randomly...so i call her back to see what's up and she sounds so energetic on the phone..she's telling me about this video party she's hosting and she's telling me i have to come. so i say what the heck and head down to inglewood...when i say that was the BEST decision i've made in months....you don't even know. so this dvd, the secret, is a sort of documentary that basically lays out how to have a happy and successful life...and when i say it was a moving experience that almost brought me to tears i'm not being overly dramatic. the philosophies just made sense. i recommend everybody checking it out. it totally reaffirmed my decision not to hate my ex and to respect the good that came out of that situation...what i learned from it...not to think of life as karma rearing it's ugly head at the people that have done me wrong..instead it discussed how to refocus energy into the positive dreams we strive for...the minute it was over i had to be alone...i went out to my car and i sat there looking at the stars and told myself that acting is what i really want. i want to be an actress...i just kept saying it over and over again. some might think i'm hokie but i don't care...i haven't had an audition in...well, i can't tell you how long...how is it that i booked two auditions today?!!! they're both tomorrow. the first one is for a music video starring mya. i'd play her and another artist's friend and then i have one for some reality tv show thing on E. i'd be an assistant. they called my agent personally :) nice, eh? i woke up this morning feeling great. i could see the good in every situation...it totally knocked out any ill wills i was holding...i'm just ready to focus on what i want in life.

the woman in the mirror can seriously knock you into gear when you let her apparently. if anyone's interested in the video let me know and i'll send you the info. it's not scientology or anything that requires kool aid or a cult following..it's just a new way of looking at life and yourself...i'm actually proud of my life..i'm grateful that i have such wonderful friends that continue to make me a better person. it's crazy...just crazy. wish me luck tomorrow! i'm stoked! i want to be a great actress....i want to be a great actress...
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