i just wanna be me

a couple of years ago i figured out why i loved acting so much. it gave me the chance to openly express emotions that we, in the real world, have been taught to supress in public. i can cry and show hurt, i can show love, pride, my pride being shattered, etc. and it's considered this beautiful art. i love human emotions...even more so, i love when i can fabricate them instead of really living them. :)

something happened this week that hurt me pretty bad. the ripples of it will be felt for quite some time and so i did what any girl would do when she's down. i went out with my girls and listened as they told their stories and gave their opinions...i even spoke to a couple of my guy friends and the reoccuring theme was that you have to play games in order to maintain relationships in life. the whole, don't let someone really get to know you, don't give them your all, etc. my dilemma is we're out here in the world to find someone that we can really connect with. when we feel we may have found someone we start to let go and open up and it's this beautiful thing. if you're not allowed to do that then how is that ever gonna work? how are you ever gonna truly experience life? i enjoy giving my friends all i've got when i've got it and this whole trust and being open thing is such a grey area for me right now. is it naive to say that i just want to be me? it doesn't mean i'm weak or desperate. it just means i value a person enough to give them my truth...

sister girls, i'm no longer your "guru" i'm sorry. give me some time and maybe she'll come back :)


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