for the first time

i seriously don't understand my heart at all. i've been going thru one of the hardest two weeks of my life and the little guy just keeps on ticking when he should have broken for good days ago.

there are just some things that even i can't blog about and for the first time i can't blog about the pain i've been experiencing...all i can say is it's highs and lows, no sleep, hardly eating. man...california is getting harder and harder. not even butterscotch pudding could cheer me up. i love my friends for being there and giving me all kinds of encouragement that time will heal all but the thing is i know time will heal the pain--it's that honestly sincere bitterness that i know won't easily shake off that kills me. life is so short and human beings are such beautiful unique creatures...why would anyone want to purposely destroy something so necessary in a person--(their joy)?

i haven't told you why my heart has broke and that's another first...i won't. it's not important anymore-the person that did it is slowly becoming not important as well...."unhappy little girl"--nina simone

i'm sick of trying to think of something related to my acting too. i'm still submitting every day. it's not like i'm neglecting the reason i moved out here in the first place. i just don't see why i can't have more than acting...a personal life is pretty darn important in my book too. that's all i have to say about that.


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