finding grace

7.17.2006
so the last couple of weeks have been extremely challenging for me. i've learned a lot, relationship wise, about myself and now that i've learned what i needed to i feel like i can focus on the good stuff like ACTING!...and i'm so thankful for that. it took something huge obviously, but hey, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger!




so i had an out of body experience today...i was sitting at work, getting hyped up over the fact that i confronted my ex with the other girl and how freeing it was to finally get that off my chest when it hit me..i wasn't free. i was still caught up in hating this guy so much that i couldn't see that his pain was bringing me joy. i know i should be spitting nails and slashing tires in some people's opinion, but that's not me. i don't like the woman that i was turning into. i could stay on the war path, but it's been a decent amount of time for me...i'm trying to find my grace now. the world is full of people i will never understand...and maybe some of you will never understand this about me...assume i'm weak or too forgiving but i can't hate this guy...it turns me into a nasty person and then i lose. instead i choose to focus on the good, learn my intended lesson and move on with life knowing that i've come thru it with some sort of dignity (i faltered there for a minute) and hope for the future...i want to hold on to the hope that there's some good in someone that's gonna cross my path some day, ya know? now i feel free. finding your grace is a beautiful thing. disappointment, heartbreak, dispair..these things can at times cloud that inner voice that tells us the rational way of coping with life's problems, but thank God it's not finite!

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