filling every LA memory i have

7.16.2006
ok so now that my weekend is over i can openly discuss what has been bothering me for weeks. so i found out that my boyfriend had been cheating on me...and had no qualms about it apparently. he took her with him on a trip to asia...a trip he said he would be embarking on with one of his boys. i've been hurt in much the same way before and i can honestly say it doesn't get any easier. this time especially was hard because i was new to los angeles so this guy basically introduced me to the WHOLE city. i can't do or see anything right now without thinking of him unfortunately. i was expecting this huge blow up when he returned but it wasn't.  i thought i'd be full of hate and tell him off but i didn't...i don't know if vegas pooped me out or what, but i just calmly told him he hurt me and sickened me...that's all i could muster and sadly it's worse with him being home for me. i know he's close and that i can't speak to him anymore. i'm so tired of it all. i can't wait for his memory to stop slipping thru every task i do. i can't even sit in my living room without thinking of him. i'm sorry...ugh i feel so silly....don't think i don't know that it's silly...silly but still hurts like hell.

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