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i wonder if los angeles is changing me. if i am just a classic little fish in a big pond... the big fish in the little pond gone wrong. life's so abstract here. i go thru the rounds of every day life. there's nothing really tangible that forces the tish i'm used to to come out. i was once the friend that was deep and wise...capable of giving sound advice and people actually following it. i was strong, intelligent, talented and driven and here in los angeles i don't think that i necessarily exude those qualities as much. today for the first day i've actually had pangs to have a tish day....back when i was in kc i'd wake up every sunday...straighten up my space and then spend the day with myself...i'd go see a movie, grab some chai tea, read outside on my balcony...i lived for my sundays, but here i'm just kinda lost. it's so weird. the audition the other day totally helped bring me back...i had forgotten what that hunger to act tasted's so deep in me...close ups of passion and emotional highs and lows...creating characters-moving on, creating more...creating period. this life has to happen. it has to happen.

i think i'm gonna go down to the starbucks down the street and bring my book and read some. some times ya just gotta escape.


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