there's no crying in baseball

3.14.2006
oh my goodness if i don't stop crying......!

so yesterday was my 25th birthday. i usually love my birthday and this one had all the makings of being wonderful. my girl brought my balloons to work, my favorite boy in the world got me this bouquet made out of fruit ( lol..he knows i'm not really into flowers) and it was just cute all around but i've seriously been holding up a lot of emotions over the last couple of months that finally just snapped, unfortunately at work.

i woke up yesterday morning knowing that the day was gonna be weird. my family's going thru some really hard divorce stuff..i feel like my stepdad is using me to get information about my mom, my mom's trying to find herself and therefore i'm kinda freaking about losing the one person in my family that i've had the longest..my sisters and i don't talk anymore and i feel that one of them is slipping away in a bad way...i'm out here. i'm 25 and i still haven't even auditioned yet for anything in los angeles...i'm going to have to move soon because my roommate hates it out here and is transfering schools...the list keeps going...all these things and more were running thru my head yesterday right as my boss was coming to my desk. i started to cry hysterically and breathing like an asthmatic freakazoid so voila, i'm home from work today trying to get my ish together. crying?! there's no crying in baseball! ugh. embarrassing. i guess everyone needs to check in and make sure their sanity is in check and i've been so caught up in working, making a living, making sure my family's ok, talking to my friends and trying to be supportive that i've forgotten i exist. i have no clue what i've been doing for the last couple of months. old friends keep wanting to know the dish and i can't say anything. i've been a zombie. i miss my mom a whole bunch right now too and when you're just having one of those years (lol) AND you're a momma's girl then you just wanna start crying all over again. so yeah, unfortunately i didn't have a good birthday but it's just a day for me that happens to be fun most of the time. it can't always be a day at the park though.

as for the contact in the industry. no luck as of now. i had fun at dinner but i didn't get much hope out of the situation. bummer i know. ok it's nap time. i have to make the most out of this day of rest. does anyone else feel like the world is running like a lauryn hill video? you're walking along and a hand from above just scratches your record-like world and everything's crazy...you can't catch the beat? oh well...i feel that way.

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