mixed up

oh guys...today was just terrible! i found out that it supposedly was going to cost $2500 to fix my car. the guy asked me if i knew anything about cars...i said no which he took us (gold mine) and then preceded to tell me all this bull crap and had my head spinning. so i called up my mom who called up a mechanic friend of hers. turns out the chrysler dealership was SO trying to scam me :( not cool right? so this whole day i've been trying to do my work for my needy bosses, i've been trying to figure out my car stuff but i never had time to sit and call their butts to figure out what was really happening...didn't have time to go to la casting and submit my pictures so i can get auditions, didn't have time to register as a new employee at my job, didn't have time to talk to payroll to GET PAID...i couldn't breath or eat for most of the day. i was just miserably stressed. i'm still stressed. i didn't think i would make it to that author meeting tonight...thank God I did or today would really have been bad enough to send me packing back to kc. everyone's getting on my nerves and i know it's because i'm extremely overworked and exhausted out of my mind. i hate being this way. TO THE GOOD STUFF THOUGH!  so i made it to the book signing with two minutes to spare :) i sit beside this really cool chick that reminds me a lot of my girl back in new orleans, lex (SHOUT OUT TO LEX!) and we start to chat. then angela, the author, shows up and she's totally cool. she looks different than her book picture and the dame has an amazing voice. she sounds kind of like gina davis...she's super intelligent with a lot of flava...great combination, i liked her immediately. she kept looking over at me during the reading which was interesting. i could tell she wanted to see if i was relating to her experiences...i was busting out laughing in parts so obviously i was. she has a level of sophistication similar to my twin in sacramento, ms. michele you would have LOVED HER! ya'll are too similar energy wise. anyways after the reading everyone formed a line to get their book signed and when it was my turn i apologized for not having any questions...just a little overwhelmed (plus my brain is seriously fried today!) and then told her that i was the chick who had written her peeps on her web site. she knew what i was talking about which was a plus and then told me she had always tried to get mixed chicks on her show, scrubs, (she writes for scrubs!) but they'd always say the girls weren't 'black enough' so she was happy to inform me that there would be a lot of mixed chicks on this show :) nice eh? she said she'd definitely keep my info and asked for my pic and resume...good stuff. hopefully she's not laughing at my butt for having such little experience...ya gotta start somewhere right? i think it would be so cool..i can't even express it right now..my mind isn't functioning properly. time for bed. this weekend i have to do some serious soul searching cuz the cracks in my sanity are slowly breaking more and more apart.  i'm still trippin off the fact that i didn't ask one question of her...dang it. check out her book ya'll and get back to me. it's Mixed: My Life in Black and White.

betcha didn't know ishless is a word!

so today at 6:30 in the morning i receive an email from my agent saying i need to meet with him tonight to go over my headshots...um so i have THE most stressful day at work but i totally suck that crap up cuz i know acting has to come first and NOTHING can get in its way so i make my way down the 101 freeway..cringing as i come to the spot where my car went berzerk the other day and make it to the agency in pretty good timing...desperately bogart a parking spot which gets me cussed out-it's a parking jungle out here! and rush inside to meet him ONLY to stay for like 10 minutes at the most. he sat down with a little red marker. told me which ones he likes, (which i can't see how) and then sent me on my way. OH! he did sign me up for la casting and some other casting web site so not all my haste was in vain. :) good times...spent another hour on the freeway trying to get home but it's all good. i'm printing out my acting resume for tomorrow. getting a pic ready and going to bed early. tomorrow's my big day. i can't wait to meet this woman. who knows what'll happen...i'm just pumped and scared ishless!

im drowning in unlucky situations

yesterday my beautiful luck got even more interesting. i was on my way to work when my car just died in route....apparently there was more to that wreck last weekend than previously thought. i just sat on the shoulder of the 101 freeway and bawled. i was scared and frustrated...got towed, came into work late and just worked and tried not to think about it. then i came home to my apartment flooded again....what's up with all of this people?! i can't take much more! i'm waking up early early to make up time at my job and the lack of sleep isn't helping. to bed so early tonight i say. tomorrow's my big 'meet the author that could potentially change your whole life' day. i gotta shake off all of this bad luck before then!

lucky or unlucky?

i don't know if i'm extremely lucky or extremely unlucky. crazy things just keep happening to me and i just can't shake saturday night's outcome. i keep having these killer nightmares...no pun intended.

i remember the night that it happened the guy in the gas station told my friend that we were lucky and should buy a lottery ticket. he came back and asked me to look in my back pocket. so i did and out comes the lottery ticket. of course we didn't win or i'd be writing a blog about how swell having money is but i thought about that. am I lucky? am i supposed to be out here acting or is God seriously trying to give me some hints? Maybe these are those lovely trials you go thru in order to have the perfect true hollywood story on E. maybe?

i'm just glad i'm alive...seriously.

ok holes is on which happens to be one of my fav kid movies. it's great and one of my best friends from kc, marcus just called me to tell me about his spring break in miami lol...it's good to come back to favorites.

happy birthday cesar chavez

i'm sitting here watching the news until the glass guy comes to fix my stuff. they're covering these mexican high school students that are walking out of schools in protest of the immigration bill that's on everybody's mind. there are sooo many students out there...some schools are actually locking students in...can you believe that?! is that illegal?..detroit, california, houston...it was great but i wish they would have prepped the students they just interviewed in los angeles. they asked this 15 year old a question and he referred to mexico and africa as states...he was nervous and excited but doh...there's a guy being interviewed right now saying this bill isn't racist...sigh. we've got a looong way folks. a looong way.

you gotta be gangsta in los angeles even the roads are mean

yeah...so last night i was driving in my car (la de da) when this nasty metal rod thing flew up into my car, busted my windshield and went thru it. talk about freak out session. i was in total shock. luckily i had the support of my boy vic with me who can totally stay cool under pressure. i mean all these people are telling me at the gas station i pulled over to that i'm lucky to be alive...that the way it entered my windshield could have killed me....not a good thing to hear after it's just happened. i was in the worst kind of shock ever...it's so weird to know that your life could end from something as stupid as a metal axel thingy (see i don't even know the name of the damn thing and IT could have messed me up seriously) ugh...and we're not even going to discuss the expenses. glass went flying thru and i had it all in my hair, mouth...i have cuts near my mouth....i look pretty ya'll. watch out for los angeles freeways. you have to seriously be gangsta out here to make it! the roads are even mean!


ok someone drunk dialed me last night and started 'performing' for his friends talking about certain people being this and that...basically all these hateful names and appauling ish came out of his mouth and it was a total turn off. i don't think i've ever hung up on someone so fast. left a bad taste in my mouth...

i have to shake it off though. it's my wax day. lol. nothing should tarnish this moment. honestly though. i'm excited to visit the MOCA. my girl brandi is gonna be my hot date (she's my boo).

green does a body good

ok so i totally didn't get to ellaborate on the green blog i recently posted. isn't it just wonderful that someone out there thinks of green just as highly as i? good times and double points for all those that actually took the cute lil quiz. everybody be green!

as for the blog before that....the race riots...my boy vic pointed out a story on today's cnn.com about how new legislation is making it harder for illegal aliens in america...it's stirring all this hatred around the country and here in l.a. they're saying this very proposed bill is what has all the black and latino students beating each other up...what happened to if you're brown you're down?! it's a sad time. there is one positive thing i can see thru all of this though. there are proactive teens out there taking to the streets and marching for some understanding...just when you think younger generations are surely lost they come back and shock the heck out of you. there's a big protest happening in down town los angeles tomorrow..i personally will be getting my eyebrows waxed and then i'm going to the moca museum. i suck basically but i'm still proud of the kids. :) hey bushy eyebrows itch man! ok i'm shutting up now. liz please don't hurt me.

so this weekend i'm chillin and hanging with the peeps that mean the most to me here in los angeles. my roomie is going to a kem concert tonight...heifa. i wanted to go but she brought up the whole "you're a struggling actress, you're poor" and i shut right up. :( lol...i'm about to say goodbye to her and then go to bed. i know it's a friday night...but last night i drank a little bit during the sweet 16 games (which rocked by the way! hook 'em horns and go ucla!!! good game matt morrison) and then had to wake up this morning at 5:30. it hurt ok. moca museum and wax tomorrow...possible movie..sunday i'm making my boy watch diary of a mad black woman lol..i love guys that watch chick flicks with me!

now next week is a different story. so i'm reading this book that i'm totally diggin and i happen to read in my essence magazine that halle berry loved this book so much she's planning on producing it, an hbo series. so i write to the author (i've explained this before in an email i think) anyways, the authors publicist wrote me back and said she had forwarded my message to her and she wanted me to go to her los angeles book signing to meet her. she said all her film agents would be with her so it would be a great time to meet and see if i do have what it takes to be on her show...wish me luck ya'll..i mean for real! this could be such an awesome opportunity...this woman writes for scrubs if that means anything to you...she's hella funny and she's freaking this griot of the mixed perspective..how cool would it be that my first real break was under my terms...what i know best...what i said i would speak about as a four year old aspiring actress..yes i had a mixed perspective even then...a skewed one but one nonetheless. so yes, please wish me luck. she's a thick woman...large breasts but other than that i think i could totally rock that part. ok. time to get ready for sleep...my bed is calling me.....tish...tish....ciao! (and wish me luck...i know you think i won't be able to tell if you've sent the vibes but i can and i'm not feeling them yet!)

what color green are you?

You Are Emerald Green


Deep and mysterious, it often seems like no one truly gets you.

Inside, you are very emotional and moody - though you don't let it show.

People usually have a strong reaction to you... profound love or deep hate.

But you can even get those who hate you to come around. There's something naturally harmonious about you.

race riots

um i was just watching the news this morning...and there was a 'race riot' that broke out at a south la school..so the superintendent comes over to get interviewed and he says, "sadly this is what happens when you have a school in an urban area"....what does that mean? honestly?

i'm permanent

ok things are starting to look up. today i stood my ground on not one but TWO whack bills that came in the mail. usually i would just cry, accept the dang thing and pay whatever but i knew i was getting hoodwinked so i called and made a stink and they took that ish away..i can't live like that bobby i can't live like that!

then i called my agent to find out what in the world was taking so long with my headshots and he NEVER RECEIVED THEM...groan. i'm at a loss for words but i think i scared him into some action cuz he's searching up and down for 'em now. maybe he can smell my disgust who knows : ) hee hee..THEN my bosses call me into their office, sit me down (without eye contact and i just knew they were going to tell me i didn't get the job) but they were totally punking me. i got the position so i'm about to go perm!!! wahooo that means i get benefits and insurance..that means no more freak outs about emergency room bills (expensive frickin temp insurance that i've been paying out the wazoo for because of that ER bill) AND the best part..i can take sanity days and audition days off (aka vacation and sick time) yahooo! that'll help me a lot. it's funny how your priorities change once you have to become a big kid. i HATE it that i'm sitting here getting hyped over benefits...sigh.

as for the job, i don't understand why more people out here trying to act don't do it that way. i hear the auditioning process can get kinda slow at times. this is perfect for me..for now anyways. such a good day...it's rainy, murky and cold and i don't care...i have a real job :) i celebrated today by gettng a cinnamon frapp...my fav.

i also spoke to my mom today. she's such an amazing woman..i don't know why more people can't see that ish...i feel so terrible that i can't be there to support her right now cuz the divorce and stress of life are really getting to her. some day hopefully i can spoil her rotten and allow her to never have to work again and it's gonna be great. that's my dream at least.

ok rain makes me sleepy. i'm going to bed. ta ta for now people. things are looking up. it's spring time officially (mother nature forgot the memo but oh well) and i'm alive and still hungry to act. gotta love it. :)

v is for vantastic dawling

v for vendetta is brilliant! it's sooo not your normal comic book/action packed movie. i mean it has all that, the gore and whatever, but it's so brilliant...english humor abounds...you actually have to pay attention to the dialogue from the get go..bree and i found that out quickly. (hee hee) but the star is of course natalie portman...she's just so natalie. i can't explain what type of movie this is but it does paint a lovely picture of goverment that michael moore would just love :) i actually cried in one scene..yes i realize i cry a lot but it was justified...dang it.

after the movie we went to this cute lil pizzeria down the street in burbank that had boston-style pizza. it was good ish i must say. all in all it was a nice chill day. now i'm back at home with my tea trying to prepare for my day tomorrow. hopefully i find out if i have my job permanently now. it sucks that i actually had to interview for the dang thing twice..hmph but as long as i have some type of security while out here i'm good to go. some people don't get how important that is for me but dang. i hear the industry is in a lull right now. i have to be as prepared as possible!

it's grey's anatomy night. :) life's good. i think after this weekend i've realized having a boyfriend won't be so bad. for awhile there i thought i was totally anti-relationship for good but i'm starting to come around. i don't know about marriage still but..baby steps people...baby steps!

bend it like beckham

gotta love laid back saturdays. today i slept in, cleaned up my little place, worried about how i'm going to pay for everything i'm supposed to pay for in life (no change) and ran some errands. now i'm back at home in my pj's watching bend it like beckham and sipping spiced tea. good times ;) tomorrow i plan to watch pride and prejudice with my girlie bree and have lunch with her. it's pretty much a good chill weekend. oh! i found this african american power agent in hollywood doing big things in hollywood and so i did my research and found her email address. it couldn't hurt to hit her up and see if she's ready to get a newbie under her belt that's a great in the making :) if anyone else wants to start a petition egging this woman to work with me just let me know :) i'll send along her information and we'll make this political folks! so what do i do? i have an agent that is slower than turtles taking a pooh guys...i have to fight for what i want! i'm about to write some authors of books i like that i know are being made into films. :) what can i say, i'm bored and antsy at the same time. anyone wanna see v is for vendetta as much as me?!

damn it!

i'm in mourning....how did they lose? and why won't the west coast freaking show my dang game!? a moment of silence for ku...it's aight boys..it's aight. sniff.....

march madness baby!

score according to ESPN: 230 so far

yes, i am one of those crazy march madness heads and i'm loving today! my brackets have won two years in a row and i'm going for my third year now...everything happens in three's right? i'm watching the kentucky game right now and getting quite heated that they're not showing the frickin ku game. what's up with that!? thank you, thank you ESPN for fresh updates online!

so that's what i'll be doing this whole weekend. i tried to get peeps to join me but i gets no love out on the west coast unfortunately, but it's cool cuz i have my tv..and sunday i'll have my niece/dog, bliss..this little toy poodle thing with me. (i'm a nice auntie that's all i have to say) KU IS LOSING!? what?!

as for the week. it started to shape up a little more. taking that tuesday off really did help clear my head quite a bit. (there's a hot guy on the tv right now with dreds..i love dreds!) anyways. yesterday evening i went and saw "failure to launch" with my best guy bud and i was laughing hard core cuz he's the main guy character in that movie for real. it's really cheesy in parts, but still worth seeing. i recommend it. check it out.

acting update. so i swear a great uncle of mine said he had this friend that was a big power agent out here in los angeles. he sends me this essence article and tells me to check her out so i'm thinking it's a hook up for sure...so i call him back to get her info and he tells me that he was just interested in the article and doesn't know her lol...sigh. guys. any suggestions? any help...at all? cuz all i have is an agent that's acting like turtle jenkins...what's up with that?!

ok i'm officially march mad. gotta go scream. ciao!

revolutionary petunia

ah man...a friend just responded to my blog, ending it by calling me revolutionary petunia...doh. i feel like a big weak poser when i write blogs about cracking and then put that i'm a revolutionary petunia on my page..i know you can be strong and still crack too but i really did lose my cool monday..does alice walker or angela davis cry like that?! hmph.

homework assignment time!

go rent the movie "something's gotta give" with jack nicholson and diane keeton. there's a scene where diane keeps bawling hysterically...that's more like how it went down. maybe i just need to redefine what it means to be a rev. petunia...maybe?

today was so much better though. i got into my car and only hesitated for a sec. i got to work and did the dang thing. i saw my buds there, specifically my guy best friend and i knew i'd be cool. it was progress...every day hopefully will get a little bit easier to deal with...all of it. the good and the bad.

i want an easy button from staples though! wouldn't that be swell? i'm watching the biggest loser currently. my best friend was right..this ish is addicting!

the beach

yesterday was one of THE best days of my life. i took the day off and hung out with my boy at the beach. we started the day off by going to breakfast at this diner down the street from my house that I love, then we went to starbucks, grabbed some caffeine (cuz it was frickin early in the morning) then we headed for the santa monica pier. we just walked around, ate lunch outside, went and saw slevin (WHICH ROCKED!) and then went walking along the beach...took the shoes off, got some icecream and just chilled ...from around 10 in the morning until 8 at night! we ate dinner on the actual pier at this mexican restaurant. it was just a chill good day. i wanted to fall asleep right on the ocean so bad...the beach bums sleep near heaven.

i didn't want the night to end. i tried a churro for the first time too :) good day...good company. i needed that!


what allows us to be ready to want to start a new family? there comes a point in our lives where we know we're ready to start a new family...we get married or we make friends that become our true families and we're content with that...well others are. i'm not. i don't know if i didn't get quality time or whatever but i'm not ready to let my family go. i don't feel we've even come full circle as a family yet...i miss my fam back home so bad...maybe that's why i can't do the relationship thing for very long. lol i joke but maybe....maybe the mommy's girl in me inhibits me from growing up and moving on. what do ya'll think?

there's no crying in baseball

oh my goodness if i don't stop crying......!

so yesterday was my 25th birthday. i usually love my birthday and this one had all the makings of being wonderful. my girl brought my balloons to work, my favorite boy in the world got me this bouquet made out of fruit ( lol..he knows i'm not really into flowers) and it was just cute all around but i've seriously been holding up a lot of emotions over the last couple of months that finally just snapped, unfortunately at work.

i woke up yesterday morning knowing that the day was gonna be weird. my family's going thru some really hard divorce stuff..i feel like my stepdad is using me to get information about my mom, my mom's trying to find herself and therefore i'm kinda freaking about losing the one person in my family that i've had the longest..my sisters and i don't talk anymore and i feel that one of them is slipping away in a bad way...i'm out here. i'm 25 and i still haven't even auditioned yet for anything in los angeles...i'm going to have to move soon because my roommate hates it out here and is transfering schools...the list keeps going...all these things and more were running thru my head yesterday right as my boss was coming to my desk. i started to cry hysterically and breathing like an asthmatic freakazoid so voila, i'm home from work today trying to get my ish together. crying?! there's no crying in baseball! ugh. embarrassing. i guess everyone needs to check in and make sure their sanity is in check and i've been so caught up in working, making a living, making sure my family's ok, talking to my friends and trying to be supportive that i've forgotten i exist. i have no clue what i've been doing for the last couple of months. old friends keep wanting to know the dish and i can't say anything. i've been a zombie. i miss my mom a whole bunch right now too and when you're just having one of those years (lol) AND you're a momma's girl then you just wanna start crying all over again. so yeah, unfortunately i didn't have a good birthday but it's just a day for me that happens to be fun most of the time. it can't always be a day at the park though.

as for the contact in the industry. no luck as of now. i had fun at dinner but i didn't get much hope out of the situation. bummer i know. ok it's nap time. i have to make the most out of this day of rest. does anyone else feel like the world is running like a lauryn hill video? you're walking along and a hand from above just scratches your record-like world and everything's crazy...you can't catch the beat? oh well...i feel that way.


oh my gosh! there's this new model show on mtv and there's this latino photographer that shoots the test shoot with the borring twin (his name is Navid) and he totally shot the pictures i have up on myspace ya'll! ha! i love that...he shot the first two...the hair in the face one and the one where i'm wearing an orange dress. the guy was phenomenal. i knew he was from miami so that rocks! i shot with a cool dude man!

real world

i have a crush on jose from the real world. heart of gold puerto rican heart throb...how could you not? i love sweet boys.

saki bombs!

so i've just had my first and certainly not my last saki bomb at this AWESOME place called tokyo delves. this place was so amazing...lets just say by the end of the night i was chugging beer (which i loathe) and dancing in my chair to the nice sounds of stevie wonder's "happy birthday" ha! great sushi and the folks there were superb...my best friend is coming to visit me in april and my boy v has already told me we're bringing her there...he's got an itinerary going :) get ready jen! wahooo! i am feeling quite under the weather now though...i said before. i do not do beer. sigh...

v tried to get me to go to some place called mood last night but britney spears and jake gyllenhaal had bought the place out so that wasn't happening...it's not really my bag though..he seemed so disappointed we didn't get in and i just looked at him confused...how do club promoters set those places up to make people feel like ish when they're not special enough to get in...he was willing to put down over a hundred bucks for us to get in..are you kidding me? we went to the geisha house (ashton kutcher's place) instead. i had a tom collins, he had three jack and cokes and some interesting stories to tell (gotta love drunk dialogue) and that was our night. sigh...i think i would have been fine with just sushi.

now i'm watching the new real world with the bulimic girl...does mtv condone this? i mean seriously..they present it like this is a problem but do they really believe that..or is bulimic behavior how you get noticed on a damn show? sigh...i don't know man.

tv has been giving us mad material to discuss. we'll see how it all goes. so i guess that's it for now. the dinner plans i was supposed to have tonight...with the new friend from kansas city...i think are gonna not go thru...that'll suck. i need connections!


can something as silly as a job make one question why i want to act? yes, but is it right? i know i've wanted this ever since i was a wee child, but everytime i have a bad day at work (i.e. about every day) i catch myself saying this won't be forever...acting will pull thru...should i put that type of pressure on my dreams? or is that the only real kinda dream-ones with pressures attached?

we'll see now won't we!


so i was all prepared to write a blog on all the stuff i read today on cnn.com but my whole mindset has changed since that time...i really should sneak my laptop in to my job and write there...i tend to be more creative in the morning...pity. maybe it's a good thing i don't discuss cnn political mumbo jumbo...i don't really want my ish to be something that people debate..when it's just a narrative of my weird lil life no one can say ish..well my girls can tell me i'm being silly over a boy, but you get my point.

does anyone else have an eye twitch problem when they're unbearably tired? i can't be tired this week...it's the beginning of my birthday month dang it! i frickin turn 25...and apparently according to one of my boys i'm totally having a quarter life crisis...i guess i have been pondering my life and what i've accomplished a lot lately. i just thought it was about time to do that..didn't know 25 had something to do with that..i mean i can finally rent a car all by myself..that's gotta be a cool thing, right?

i just finished eating thin mints...damn those girl scouts..my tummy hurts...that's one of the only forms of chocolate i'll actually eat so i go buck wild on those little pieces of heaven.

i'm so tired. it's 9..this isn't cool. oh! i spoke to my agent about those girls that were freaking me out last weekend about having to have more than one agent,yadda yadda. he totally calmed my fears and set me at ease. gotta love the man. oh! i've been talking to this cat that i knew of from back home that has some industry contacts out here. he invited me to have dinner this weekend and talk about it. i'm really excited and hopeful that i can get something really awesome out of the meeting. cross your fingers ya'll!

the oscars

i'm watching...and i'm so sad. those people..those great people are seriously not more than 30 miles away from me right now...i want to be there so bad...so bad i can't see straight. i wanna cry right now.

is this not the best oscars ever? john stewart is witty and freaking hilarious as hell! i love him! i watch this show like a little kid. i have my thin mints and my glass of soy milk and a blankie, i'm watching this stuff with wide open eyes, drooling quite frankly. every time someone gets up there to say their acceptance speech my speech runs thru my head...yes, i've had a speech prepared since i was four. i used to practice this speech with a bottle of pink hair lotion as my oscar...complete with tears...lol. so the moral of this blog; don't forget about me or write me off as a dreamer guys...don't doubt that i will make it. what you see on tv...those great films in all those montages runs in my veins..i don't know how it got there but it's there nonetheless

celeb sitings

so i'm chillin yesterday after work with a friend and we decide to go see a movie...i see this gorgeous woman out of the corner of my eye..it's leila ali...um yeah. and then not even a minute later i turn to the woman in front of me who is talking loudly and obnoxiously...it's brandy the singer. what a weird night..even more weird that brandy actually liked the film "madea's family reunion"....um no. that movie was whack! don't see it folks...stick with "diary of a mad black woman" and call it a day.

i'm so tired right now. i really should try to stay up until my norm bed time but i'm droppin quick..that ish sucks. work just sucks me dry i'm afraid. it's almost the weekend though. this week just flew by didn't it? i'm going to a fishing/boat show this weekend lol...i love doing random cool things just cuz.

it's a sad day when i can't even blog because i'm so exhausted....sad i say
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