i got my kiwi power back

1.24.2006
Today was a hard one for me, but i got thru it like a champ sons!

the crush who will now need a new name i predict was at work and i couldn't get him out of my head..."he's downstairs, i could run in to him at any time...what if i see him with another girl, will i brake" kinda stuff. hyperventilating, sweating...heavy tears just pushing on my eyeballs ready to come out. it was hard but around 3 i went down to his desk to get a cd case that goes to my kiwi power soundtrack my best friend made me and he asked if we could talk so i asked him why and listened...i didn't really give him all that much..just telling him that he hurt me and it wouldn't be 100 est friends now or anything but the talk really did help. something just clicked. before i felt scared of him...he took something from me and i didn't understand what it was/is, but that's beyond me and it always will be because my hearts kinda closed him out so mentally i can't even go there..the body works in strange ways doesn't it? so yeah now i just look at someone that wasn't for me.

i didn't go to my last acting class. did i mention that in my last blog? well my car died so i couldn't even if i wanted to but i just didn't feel like i could be open like that. i just wanted to curl up and just be...lol...not that i got to with my lil homie chillin with me last night. i was staying with my girl and her child is the best form of entertainment period..the kid will have you busting out laughing i say.

well i finally have my car back. i'm going to go downstairs, drop off my work from the day and then go pick up all my crap from my bud's house..no more morning talks on our commute to work. how sad will that be? shout out to my girl brandi..without you i'd have been a sad girl this week...with some screaming calves cuz that's a walk to work!

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