cracks begin to show

1.11.2006
so monday acting classes started back up again. now though, they are 6 hours long...they end at 1:00 in the morning...yes. grammama is hurting on tuesdays. our first class of the new year was good though...hard but good.

i had to get up in front of the class and my teacher really hit a nerve...she got me talking about my father who passed away...being an ugly girl, who never lost the ugly girl mentality...all this crap that had me choking back tears. by the time i was done speaking i looked up and everyone in the class was crying. i usually don't care if people see me emotional, but it really embarrassed me for some reason...we were supposed to be practicing for interviews with casting agents...i doubt they'd appreciate a tear session. the good part is i think my teacher finally understands where i'm coming from now...i feel awkward and uncomfortable doing really 'girlie' roles..or roles that require sexual attraction of any kind..i know it's odd but talking about all that helped me to loosen up more. i rocked a cold reading i had to do and my monologue. she wrote this monologue and so i was really nervous...that's a lot of pressure. you want to make the character come alive how the writer imagines she would. after i finished teacher lady applauded and said she wished she'd had a video camera because i was what she had imagined the character to be. that was a compliment...HUGE compliment. i felt really good. so yeah...good times in acting class.

i'm back with the partner that i don't really appreciate working with too much but what can you do? i'm just hoping to find a scene that is void of kissing scenes...lol. the guy just gives me the willies...i don't want to have anything to do with him if i can help it.

as for my crush. we're doing good. did i tell ya'll that we had this amazing AMAZING talk and i finally just got where he was coming from, he got me and i like him even more now...he's coming over tonight after he does his homework so we can watch the lakers game (not my choice) and just hang. he's a good one. the ex's are all trying to bum rush back in though...it's so weird. i had one text me saying something about holding on to the one you love. he's unique though cuz we NEVER kicked it hard core like that...so what's up with that? i like to humor him from time to time but come on now. lol...

then there's this horribly attrocious guy that i don't even like to claim. he called one of my best friends and wanted my number cuz apparently he's rapping in los angeles currently...um how do they find me? honestly!

as for goals. i'm trying to locate a great photographer that will do my headshots for cheap but still look fantastic. pilot season is coming up...the beginning of march actually so i have to hurry! my blood is boiling over with excitement..this could be my year..this could be it! ahhhh!

one more thing before i go. i don't get to write as much because the laptop i was using was taken from me oh so rudely...one of my best friends and my crush got ipods recently and they're so in ipod craze mode now. it's not fair. i think i'm the only person in the world without one and now that i'm alone in the world i can't appreciate my resistance to know technological things. i want one...bad. i want to name it jill and i want to put my wonderful music on it and be one with the world...hmph. matt, a bud from work who i just adore said i'll have more money than i know what to do with soon enough and i'll be able to buy one for all my friends..even though they all already have them but oh well. that will be one fine day. :) yes indeedy.

my insurance came today! wahooo. it's a great day. sorry for the totally stream of conscious type-o-writing but i haven't written in forever...i had a lot to cover!

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