I turned on the t.v. this morning and learned that Coretta Scott King had passed away in her sleep. We’re losing our icons that we grew up learning about and admiring. The news station I watch in the morning gave a brief summary of her most significant accomplishments and as I sat and watched footage from her battling for her agendas, poised and in control, I grew more and more sad. Our supply of outstanding human beings is dwindling, at least the public ones. Is our generation slacking on our end of the deal? Are we producing new heroes and sheroes to replace those before them? Did people from the 1960’s ask these same questions? Were they looking back to the days of Booker T. and Dubois with sadness? Who do we have today? I mean no disrespect by this, but does Oprah really count? Is it her responsibility to count? Is she standing up to legislation, picketing for rights that may not be p.c.? I know it’s not really my place to ask because I’m chillin in Los Angeles…just minding my own business. I’m not holding picket signs for Roe demonstrations (shout out to my home girl Liz) I realize this. I’m just trying to make the point that maybe our definitions of sheroes and heroes has changed. Maybe we can’t recognize the true ones anymore. Maybe that’s better than not having them at all. Who knows….

vegas and swingers

so vegas was interesting...we danced and danced and danced some more...and i'm talking without rest for four-five hours was bananas ya'll! brandi and i seriously would sleep a couple hours and wake up the next day moaning and groaning from the pain but it was so much fun to have not a care in the world...only purpose in life is to's not every day that i allow that mentality to take over and permeate thru my bones....ahhhh what a glorious weekend. we had an amazing road trip going out there...filled with gossip and girly stuff...bonding and then we got there and the fun began. it was kind of weird because i've always had this image of what las vegas would be and it definitely didn't live up to the expectations but my girlie did and that's all that matters. it was really weird being at the club but i did meet some interesting guy was sitting down intently staring at a stripper's business card...when we walked by he stood up and told us that he was just trying to get comfortable with her before he actually went in to see yeah. gotta love vegas. i also saw a plethora of men with bad wayne newton hair old woman all in gold pleather though so that's good :)

when i returned home i watched the movie, swingers. i can appreciate the locations now and i actually dug seeing guys' perspective on dating and girls...i have friends like that...that actually believe in that stuff. i personally can't stand the three day call...two's stupid but i'll allow calling right after you've come out of the club is a little extreme but i do have to admit it worked on me once...just once though! all in all, great cult classic film :) i'm sorry it took me so long to watch.

my ability to reflect has been a little off. i'm just sooo tired. i'm going to bed uncharacteristically early tonight so that i can catch up on my delightful z's. gotta love 'em. this week i plan to see two really great movies and maybe go see some more fly poet. write mo later!

luv and kiwi!

thank you, thank you very much

Happy Birthday to my best friend in the world! She turns 25 today. For as long as I’ve been friends with this girl we’ve always been able to be together either on or near each others birthdays. It’s a day where we can claim princess hood and actually get it (wink). For years we even wore crowns on our big days. It’s weird that we can’t do that anymore. It just dawned on me that we may never live in the same town ever again. Aren’t birthdays great for making you and yours ponder all of life’s little whatevers?

As for the weekend: Viva Las Vegas baby! I’m going to Sin City with my home girl. Don’t get it twisted though—I’m still broke as heck—her little sister has a cheerleading competition there and we’re tagging along. Just call me Pookie this weekend. I don’t really know what to think about it all though. No expectations. I know we’ll go clubbing and all that, but whenever I think I’m going to have the ultimate blast it never turns out like that so I’m just chillin. I’m more excited just to be on a road trip with my girl. It’s always nice to go on a trip with someone that seriously shares all of your same musical tastes with you…well except for that stupid “laffy taffy” song. I can’t stand that craptastic song!

That’s it for now. I know my blogs are probably as frustrating for you as for me…You’re wondering where all the acting info is. Hopefully soon my pretties. Headshots are on the 11th of February and then I’ll have a meeting with my agent to go over them. Get some prints knocked out and then I’m going to start auditioning as much as I can get away with while having a job. Lol…

I doubt the phrase “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” will really apply to my weekend so I’ll be back soon to tell you how Celine Dion’s home was.

Tish has left the building

i got my kiwi power back

Today was a hard one for me, but i got thru it like a champ sons!

the crush who will now need a new name i predict was at work and i couldn't get him out of my head..."he's downstairs, i could run in to him at any time...what if i see him with another girl, will i brake" kinda stuff. hyperventilating, sweating...heavy tears just pushing on my eyeballs ready to come out. it was hard but around 3 i went down to his desk to get a cd case that goes to my kiwi power soundtrack my best friend made me and he asked if we could talk so i asked him why and listened...i didn't really give him all that much..just telling him that he hurt me and it wouldn't be 100 est friends now or anything but the talk really did help. something just clicked. before i felt scared of him...he took something from me and i didn't understand what it was/is, but that's beyond me and it always will be because my hearts kinda closed him out so mentally i can't even go there..the body works in strange ways doesn't it? so yeah now i just look at someone that wasn't for me.

i didn't go to my last acting class. did i mention that in my last blog? well my car died so i couldn't even if i wanted to but i just didn't feel like i could be open like that. i just wanted to curl up and just that i got to with my lil homie chillin with me last night. i was staying with my girl and her child is the best form of entertainment period..the kid will have you busting out laughing i say.

well i finally have my car back. i'm going to go downstairs, drop off my work from the day and then go pick up all my crap from my bud's more morning talks on our commute to work. how sad will that be? shout out to my girl brandi..without you i'd have been a sad girl this week...with some screaming calves cuz that's a walk to work!

games are for suckas

I realize that time helps all situations—that soon I’ll think my whole situation, all the drama that piled on top of me this weekend won’t hurt me anymore and that gives me some hope. Today I was really proud of myself because physically I didn’t feel like I was ready to experience the day ahead. I was so scared I was having mini little panic attacks. I know you may be thinking to your self right now that I’m just being silly, but the mind can do some major damage on your body. I made it thru unscathed though and without shedding one tear. I scheduled my head shot shoot….it will be on February 20th at 1:30 with a guy named Kevin. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in front of a camera, but I do have to say I secretly thrive off of the lens…I love it…so I’m excited. For the first time ever with a shoot I’m really going to participate and make sure that what I want is being translated correctly…cuz the last time I came out of a shoot I looked like I was 30…normally this wouldn’t bother me in the least but that doesn’t help me if I want to start out playing teeny boppers (longevity in the career is always nice). So this time Tishy’s in control!

In case anyone was wondering. I am now kicking myself for starting something with someone I work with..yeah that should be quite awkward for awhile. He wasn’t at work today, but I was still weirded out nonetheless. What’s the cool way to handle this? How do you come away from the situation with dignity? I want my guy friends to be proud of me and my girlfriends to be even more impressed. I hate games when I’m dating someone, but I’m the worst at games once the situation is over. How weird is that? Not this time. I’m grown now. J

ok i'm eating a great burrito that my girl made for me ;) she's grand ya'll...i love her! soul-ritoes are cool!

phenoms don't settle

so every body hurts sometimes, but last friday i hurt really bad and i wasn't prepared for all the hurt that came my way. so first hurt: this woman at my job went CRAZY and is trying to seriously get me fired. i was so upset at work...this woman has always been so nice...saying i'm like a niece to her and then BAM she does this. i was shaking so hard from the disappointment. it hurt. so the crush went with me on my break and helped me to calm down...made me feel better. so then i was cool...i get off of work and i'm totally excited to hang out with my boy. we were planning on going to see "underworld"--a movie i had been waiting for, for TWO yeah, i see him sitting outside waiting for me and a smile starts to horrible day is slowly being forgotten and then he turns around to look at me and i can see that something is he says that he's got bad news...can't go see the movie...can't see me period. just wants to be heart rips out. every memory i had with him...every time i cracked up all flashed before my eyes and i just went numb. i couldn't even act cool..i just told him i was upset, got out of his car and sat in mine. when he drove off i put my head down and just was hard ya'll...hard. i drove to my girls and she took me to see "underworld"...yes i have great friends. but then when i got out i drove home and the "service engine soon" light came on in my car....the odometer stopped working and i almost ran off the road over a cliff...i just started crying all over was such a hard day and i was just done...i can't even write it all down. the pain i was feeling was just bad...

so i couldn't sleep, eat or shower...i just didn't have any focus. i questioned why i was even in california...but i have a beautiful roommate that has had some bad karma too..her big momma passed so yesterday we were each other's support systems and she really helped me out...i love that woman. we went to this little thai restaurant and had a blast lol..this woman wasn't understanding my need for lemons...she kept bringing us limes so we took 'em....when God gives you just lightened the mood...incredibly. then we watched a tyler perry play. it was great and just what i needed.

so then sunday, today, was my great day that i was discussing. i went to this work shop type thing that a friend of mine put together. it was brilliant. i went into it so skeptical...i really wanted to just stay at home and stay in bed but i went and it seriously changed me. i wrote and committed to a bunch of great goals for myself and somehow dropped all of my pain and insecurities that friday bred in me. it was really inspiring...i cried some. i smiled a lot. i met some amazing black women. women that are all doing something beautiful..that still have work to do...that made me feel proud to be in the same room as. i forgot about crush...i forgot about my car...about all my worries. i needed that. i thank God for giving me such good friends. they always seem to find their way to you, don't they? i mean my best friend in the world is hundreds of miles away and still made me feel better.

so yeah. i have no car so i'm staying with my girl brandi for a couple of days so i can get to work. so here i am. watching grey's anatomy with the homies. all in all...i grew this weekend. i don't even know if i'm upset at crush anymore...i don't know if i can be cool with this cat for awhile, but i don't blame myself. i had some great and fun times with the guy..i'm thankful for that, but i'm a phenomenal human being and phenoms don't settle.

oh this is ladies night

So my homegirl and i decided work had broke us down like kunta and it was time to take out the frustrations in the club :) we grabbed some cute clothes, spruced up and headed out to sunset. don't you just love those nights where you don't care a rats behind about hooking up with just need to dance. my girl NEVER drinks so of course, the bad influence known as me, i get her a drink..just one but she immediately felt the effects of typsiness...she was all over the dance floor with me...ahhh good night. our faces hurt from smiling AND it was even better cuz my boy got us in to this club...such a cutie :)

today i'm going to the of contempory art. it should be lovely and then tonight i'm going to see brokeback mountain with a girlfriend of mine and then the rest of the weekend is dedicated to my crush...sunday and monday fun! wahoooo. it's supposed to rain but oh well. it's aight when you're with the one who makes you swoon.

cracks begin to show

so monday acting classes started back up again. now though, they are 6 hours long...they end at 1:00 in the morning...yes. grammama is hurting on tuesdays. our first class of the new year was good though...hard but good.

i had to get up in front of the class and my teacher really hit a nerve...she got me talking about my father who passed away...being an ugly girl, who never lost the ugly girl mentality...all this crap that had me choking back tears. by the time i was done speaking i looked up and everyone in the class was crying. i usually don't care if people see me emotional, but it really embarrassed me for some reason...we were supposed to be practicing for interviews with casting agents...i doubt they'd appreciate a tear session. the good part is i think my teacher finally understands where i'm coming from now...i feel awkward and uncomfortable doing really 'girlie' roles..or roles that require sexual attraction of any kind..i know it's odd but talking about all that helped me to loosen up more. i rocked a cold reading i had to do and my monologue. she wrote this monologue and so i was really nervous...that's a lot of pressure. you want to make the character come alive how the writer imagines she would. after i finished teacher lady applauded and said she wished she'd had a video camera because i was what she had imagined the character to be. that was a compliment...HUGE compliment. i felt really good. so yeah...good times in acting class.

i'm back with the partner that i don't really appreciate working with too much but what can you do? i'm just hoping to find a scene that is void of kissing the guy just gives me the willies...i don't want to have anything to do with him if i can help it.

as for my crush. we're doing good. did i tell ya'll that we had this amazing AMAZING talk and i finally just got where he was coming from, he got me and i like him even more now...he's coming over tonight after he does his homework so we can watch the lakers game (not my choice) and just hang. he's a good one. the ex's are all trying to bum rush back in's so weird. i had one text me saying something about holding on to the one you love. he's unique though cuz we NEVER kicked it hard core like what's up with that? i like to humor him from time to time but come on now. lol...

then there's this horribly attrocious guy that i don't even like to claim. he called one of my best friends and wanted my number cuz apparently he's rapping in los angeles how do they find me? honestly!

as for goals. i'm trying to locate a great photographer that will do my headshots for cheap but still look fantastic. pilot season is coming up...the beginning of march actually so i have to hurry! my blood is boiling over with excitement..this could be my year..this could be it! ahhhh!

one more thing before i go. i don't get to write as much because the laptop i was using was taken from me oh so of my best friends and my crush got ipods recently and they're so in ipod craze mode now. it's not fair. i think i'm the only person in the world without one and now that i'm alone in the world i can't appreciate my resistance to know technological things. i want one...bad. i want to name it jill and i want to put my wonderful music on it and be one with the world...hmph. matt, a bud from work who i just adore said i'll have more money than i know what to do with soon enough and i'll be able to buy one for all my friends..even though they all already have them but oh well. that will be one fine day. :) yes indeedy.

my insurance came today! wahooo. it's a great day. sorry for the totally stream of conscious type-o-writing but i haven't written in forever...i had a lot to cover!

new years 06

1.02.2006 it really here? Is it really '06? I went up to Sacramento for the big night and we ended up at this club that had a wack DJ that informed us kinda late that it was "06 up in this bitch" countdown this year for me. I want to pull something positive and beautiful out of that, but I'm having troubles lol...maybe it will symbolize the changes to come that I shouldn't plan for or count down to...maybe I should just enjoy my current moments...current moment one enjoyed, current moment two enjoyed...

I spent a lot of the weekend reflecting on all the who haa I went through in 2005. There are some things in my life that I keep repeating like a broken record...that ish has to stop. For the first time my boy made me cry and I really don't think I would have even been aware of what made me cry if it weren't for my friends telling me their thoughts and feelings on the matter. I don't know if ignorance is bliss in this case, but I really didn't want to cry on a plane over someone that I consider to be one of my good friends out here. When do you listen to friend's suspicions (cuz you know your girls can see what you can't) and when do you trust that you have a good matter how slow it may be? I dunno folks. As I say in my journal quite a bit "we'll see".

As for now I'm chillin. It's the end of my holiday season, it's cold, I'm lacking a computer (currently upstairs on my roomies) so the odds of me getting cheery are pretty slim. I'm going to go downstairs and listen to some good music to put me in a little better mood. I did have one great moment...I was on the plane looking out and I imagined myself as an actress...flying to whatever destination it was to take me to my first acting gig on site...that was a good feeling...visualizing is half the battle, right? :)

happy new year everybody!!!! "it's time to fix in the 06"!!!
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