post christmas

12.29.2005
It’s been quite a while since my last blog. I guess a lot and a little has happened all at once. As for my trip back home to KC.... It was great for the most part. I was dead tired the whole way there (that’s what happens when you wake up at 3:00 a.m.) but I happened to wake up right as we were flying over north Kansas City. I couldn’t help but smile…I started to cry. In that moment something weird came over me. I felt like I was going back to another girl’s life…I stepped off the plane and my two best buds were waiting for me at the gate, wearing green (coincidence) and caring a green sign…and I started crying again. We caught up, ate some good bbq, went by my old job (which I missed terribly) and just hung out…went to the plaza…sigh. I saw the lights…I miss Kansas City’s lights. It was surreal. I can’t believe this time last weekI was chillin in KC with my best friend sipping coffee as people in horse drawn Cinderella carriages strolled by. I don’t want to load you up on needless details, but I saw friends and hung with my family…which was weird. My sisters were being really unfair to my mother about the divorce...



As for me, I saw my mom as a woman...void of a mother title. She’s been this archetype character (lacking an autonomous self ) for years --well at least that’s how I saw her)--and now she’s living life on her own terms. She struggles with her new life, but she’s doing it and she loves it and my dad and sisters can’t understand that, which I can relate to. I didn’t see her until I came home. I respect her in so many new ways now.



So that was KC…to really get into it would be painful I think…I miss the place but I’m glad I’m gone all at the same time. Now another holiday is approaching and I just can’t wait to sleep in and rest. The crush and I are in a weird stage. We’re prelims (hee hee) which means he’s doing his own thing for New Years. It’s weird. We haven't been dating all that long so I really have to balance my need to want to hang out with him all the time with the rational tishy who knows we have to have space...Who knows where we’ll be a year from now.



As for me. I'm chillin with my girl Brandi...good chick flicks and chicks make any party cool. I have this really cool New Years party at the end of the month I’m going to as well. We’re going to assess our goals for the year and discuss rational ways of achieving those things. It sounds like a glorious idea. I’ll keep you posted

family stone

12.18.2005
don't you just love walking into a movie theater with no expectations and leaving with a new favorite flick under you belt? that's how i felt with the movie "family stone". it's a keeper guys and sarah jessica parker makes you forget in the first five minutes that she ever played a deranged manola punk named carrie bradshaw. i recommend it dawlings!

i saw that and rent last night..yes two flicks..finishing at freaking 2 in the morning. i'm hurting today but i'm glad i did it. it's almost time to go home..the countdown begins...

p.s. rent was just aight...i think i liked it just because i loved seeing the musical... i did love seeing the original cast though....they brought the passion that i always heard they possessed...the writer and director of that musical died the night before the play opened and so the cast vowed to rock every show and they did that for the movie...and then some...it was just really hard for allow myself to be that emotional..that and i had to use the bathroom super bad..any act of moving my body, even facial expressions would have killed a sista

pure exhaustion

12.16.2005
so i haven't posted for a while because my borrowed laptop was taken from me sigh but i've missed you all ;)

i hate it when i try to sum up a whole dang week. it's kinda hard i dare say. so i had a lot of work parties this week which was a lot of fun because i got to finally 'meet' folks and let my hair down..christmas is good for that isn't it?

as for my crush...good stuff as always . we went christmas shopping together the other day for his nieces and nephew and it was really sweet to see him so intent on finding them all the perfect gifts...i don't know how to explain or describe my feelings towards him...i've never met someone as cool as him, but at the same time we're still in the beginning stages..it's only been two months and we still have a LOT to learn about each other...it's just weird. i feel like my heart is trying to make leaps before the bridge is built..naughty naughty...

ok my fingers are freezing...being in la when it's cold is just sick and twisted.

as for acting. i'm home on a friday night to start reading over a script for class. i'm supposed to do a monologue for her...and mind you she freaking wrote the darn script she gave me. pressure. she wrote this to me the other day:

If you and Marko want to do Cat then continue to do so or find another scene. (I know how frustrating it is doing the same piece as someone else.) I wanted you to do the monologue as well because I want to start working on you expressing yourself from a more private location -from a place of stillness.

I know being a Puerto Rican Black from a small town it was not easy being the different one so I changed my behavior to apply to the status quo. I was Jewish at a seder , Afro rican at a barbequ and ghetto when girls were threatening me for having so called, "good hair". It's time to find out who we really were/are before others manipulated our responses into reactions.

Stop acting out for them, Latisha, you are a most beautiful and intelligent woman with a strong powerful personality we are going to find a path for it to come out without having to push it.

guys i just wanted to cry when i read that...that's what's been my biggest hang up out here...i finally let the cracks show. it's like my strength or pseudo strength for that matter is crumbling and i'm exposing the current tish you read/see now. i don't know how to get a grip but i can tell you one thing..this performance is gonna bring out some heavy stuff. see how wonderful acting is..you can find yourself by becoming someone else...

it's friday. thank God it's Friday! no more cold hands, script time!

Hospitals are satan's spawn

12.12.2005
dude i am so about to rant so be careful...

my freaking ER bill is $1800!!!!! what the heck is up with that!? i almost fell out of my seat. i swear just when ya think it can't get any worse it does...so never relax! man...i'm in shock right now. and to top it off ole boy did NOT appreciate his pics being up on myspace. (note to self- don't become famous and date someone who doesn't like their pic to be in the public) lol...so i took them down. if you got to see them then yeah, that was the crush. ;) he's a cutie. i have no time for cuteness though. i'm about to seriously go sell my body down on sunset...how much do you think a lost girl from the midwest would go for?

noel

12.11.2005
today is a great day. i woke up, finished my book, _dreams from my father_ got a bowl of cereal and now i'm watching "a miracle on 34th street"...which happens to be one of my all time favorite christmas movies (i have it on dvd folks). last night i watched "it's a wonderful life" so my christmas experience is starting to fall into place...i LOVE christmas time. i have $15 to my name right now, i'm strugglin out here ridiculously but i couldn't be happier. there's just something about this holiday that sends me back to my childhood..everything becomes beautiful and sweet. i start to see the good in everything--it's magic. it's the part of my childhood that i never lost...give me some candy canes and mistle toe and i'll be good ;) some day i hope to share this feeling with my own lil mini me. i don't think the crush understands just how important this holiday is to me...when he took me to see the lights and i saw the same amount of excitement on his face that i had on mine something just changed...it kinda scares me how much i like this one. he's been a great christmas present...a great one :)

as for the actual day. i'm excited as heck to go home. my girl vikkie is picking me up from the airport, we're meeting up with my best bud jen and we're going to THE best bbq restaurant in the prairie village area lol (oklahoma joe's) followed by visiting my old job that i miss terribly, then i'm just hanging with my peeps, maybe see my guy best friend marcus. of course i'm pumped to see my mom since i'm such a momma's girl but i have mixed emotions. i don't know if i've said this in a blog but my parents are divorcing..this will be our first split christmas and the kids have definitely been put in the middle. it's really hard to deal with at times. i get really bitter and angry..especially when folks try to mess with my holiday spirit but yeah...i'm going to try my hardest to make the most of it. we get older, things change. the hard times are what help us build the most character, right?

ok enough negative. my movie is on and i have a lil wicker couch and blankie calling my name! happy holidays

forgotten pic

12.09.2005
damn it! i knew i shouldn't have developed my film before it ran out completely....i wanted to take a pic of hugo the frog and forgot..the pics of this cute lil lakers thing will just have to wait. hmph.

rambling

i'm reading wicked right now and it's great actually. i was on my shuttle bus on my way to work and i just started busting out in front of complete strangers...there are these cute lil kids in one chapter that remind of me the kids from "emperors new groove" "ya huh, uh huh, ya huh uh huh" sigh....i'm loving it.

it's friday night and i'm just chillin at home...trying to get up some energy to clean up my nasty apartment...do something but it ain't happenin. might have to be a nice night in bed with a book. i can't remember the last time i had a date with myself.

ok i'm going to finish watching made on mtv...asian girl that can belt episode and then i'm getting in the bed.

hugo the frog

12.07.2005
ok if you have a sensitive tummy you may want to stop reading right now. ;)

so today was hardcore busy day. the kind where the time literally is on crack and you sweat from the pace....i guess that was good. the crush and i had decided wednesday nights would officially be our date nights so i was pumped the day went fast so we could chill together. we do the lunch thing and take walks on our breaks but i'm spoiled...after work we went to go see this movie (aeon flux). it was just aight but we saw it at Graumans Chinese Theater...how cool is that? it's beautiful inside...i mean beautiful. i was a little blown away..i mean they have red carpet events there...and eerily enough i couldn't visualize myself there for myself some day...extremely exhausted so i won't read into that at all. so we see the movie and then we're walking out and he sees one of those build a bear stores and wants to go inside which i think is cute but silly cuz i normally hate teddy bears..sorry it's just clutter to me. but there was the cutest frog that you could make and he totally took charge. he got me the frog (shout out to my jen's rico!) and then the sweetness began..he put two hearts in it..one for him and one for me and then the guy helping him asked how long we had been dating...to which he replied two months so he made him jump up and down twice, kiss it twice and then make a wish for me....so he did that and he put his voice on the little recorder that goes in hugo's hand. hugo now says little sayings that we secretly share between us...including this really cute way he says my full name...i know cheese ball city but it was so adorable and he SOOO wasn't trying to pull an ick factor like carrie from sex and the city and her little russian man..it wasn't ick factor at all. lol...he then preceded to put a lakers warm up jersey on hugo--that was ick but i allowed it cuz it's a little piece of my crush. hugo has a birth certificate and he's mexican/black/white...nice lil combo i think. ;) i was floored away by how unbelievably cute this crush of mine can be...i tell ya what. it made the fast paced whatever of my day just melt away...it's the little things in life right?

sigh....this one is special folks...definitely one to keep your eye on...

revolutionary petunia

12.05.2005
lately i've been questioning whether or not i live up to the idea of a revolutionary petunia...strong beautiful fragile and strong rolled into one. days like my last acting class definitely show me that i can be stubborn and strong. i knew my class was going to be a hard one. i've been really burnt out on memorizing lines and so of course that's going to affect how i perform lol..i basically sucked tonight cuz i wasn't comfortable with my mouth...and my partner didn't trust my intended pauses so we just shat all over the whole darn thing...she tore us apart for an hour and then allowed the next group to come up and do a piece from the SAME PLAY ahhh! so of course they rocked it on the first try..and of course my ex partner was the guy in the scene and totally was letting it go to his head...correcting her and telling her how it really was and how she was wrong..his cockiness was quite the thorn in my prideful side lol. he's in charge of our class fees right now...i picked the wrong class pet to loathe i guess. this class is great and challenges me, but at the same time it's seriously starting to make me doubt my instinct that i've always carried with me thru out the years....it's harder for me to tapp into emotions..harder for me to let go and allow myself to feel how the character is supposed to feel..i hate being vulnerable now. it's so weird. i'm going to continue classes until the first week of january and then i'm taking a break to take some new classes and see if it's the atmosphere or just my self-esteem depleting me. how do actors that we see on the silver screen every day handle all of this? it's a trip that's for sure. i feel at times that i'm on a merry-go-round and when i'm finally able to stop and rest, my brain is still spinning and i'm still not able to just be. crazy i know. the holidays are coming up though and i'm going to take that time to really get my act together. i didn't come this far just to break at the first tennessee williams play a woman throws my way. :) by the way i have new found respect for elizabeth taylor cuz playing maggie in "a cat on a hot tin roof" is hard ish! well that's it for now. i have to start coming up with a new years resolution here soon..last year was "strive in the 05" we'll see what inspiration i get when dreaming about all there is to come in 06. :) ps. she freaking critiqued my appearance...she basically said i looked like crap...trying to get me to be sexy or whatever..so i totally over compensated and almost grabbed my partner's crotch...lol. she thankfully stopped the scene but how embarrassing is that!? tish....sometimes i wonder about you
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