serenity review

9.30.2005
waaaaaaa i'm hurting...why God...why?!!!!! ok so that movie pissed me the heck off. lol. i mean i was looking forward to it so much but no one warned me that the creator of that show is sick and twisted and kills people like it's nothing..it doesn't matter if they're intrical to the story so of course they killed someone off that made everyone EVERYONE in the audience gasp and freak out..it was that harsh and unexpected...but i swear i've NEVER been in a movie that seriously has enough action to grab you and shake you thru the whole thing..there were dudes beside me that couldn't close their mouths and people looked exhausted from the stress afterwards. they did a good job of that part...still i cried thru the whole ending and half the freaking way home. is that cool i say? my best friend jen knows that i can NOT handle a movie that doesn't end my way lol. for that alone i don't think i can rewatch this movie but it was good i guess (grrrr)

oh the agony!!!

9.29.2005
why?!!!!!! why?!!!!!! such a dilemma. why must "everybody hates chris" come on at the same time as CSI?! waaaaaa i chose everybody hates chris....sniff. can i please have TIVO for christmas? please!


update...God loves me! ok so they don't overlap. i can watch both. life is swell :) i'm going to watch this and then a movie with a friend at midnight...how gangsta am i?!

bad boy face without the bad boy act

9.28.2005
i saw a commercial today talking about the perfect 4 inch heels without the pain, the bad boy face without the bad boy act...can i just say that's pure genius..and alas why must i fall prey to the bad boy crap? it's hard to get me to admit i like bad boys. i really do try to get the good ones, but i'm lookin back and i'm a little angry at my past stuff and it still happens. honestly. it keeps me more interested in the beginning BUT i get sick of it and then move on (with the quickness). does the 'game' ever really get tiring though? i keep movin thru the rounds and it's the same stuff but the butterflies come nonetheless. my best friend just started a blog and her stuff is on point..she discusses politics and world/national issues and here i am discussing my infatuation with men that play games lol. i guess we just balance each other out.

i did have a fun day though. my roomie and i made the most out of my last days before i start my new job and went and looked at furniture for my place and all that good stuff AND i got pictures back that span as far back as my last week in kansas city. sniff...there's a pic of an ex (i don't know what the heck kinda ex he is but yeah) and that further intensified my drive to figure this bad boy stuff out. any theories folks?

it's gonna be a beautiful blog when tishy falls in love. IF tishy falls in love. just saying that is funny. i'm helping a good friend of mine with romance currently and i hope with all my might it works for him. love is a beautiful thing...when you're not playing games!

music to my ears

9.27.2005
i just wanted to put it out there that my girl was punkin me today. she said on my acting resume it would never read that i am a singer....what kind of ish is that?! lol...so alexzia g.m.t.p. you have been blasted on the internet. love you...even if you are a kissing foo.

firefly

ok can i just say that i have turned into a sci fi geek and i totally dig it! my friend bree hooked me on to this sci fi channel show called "firefly" that hooked me from the get go. they only got thru one season before fox canceled it, but they're making a film of it called "serenity" that comes out this friday...i've watched all of the series (cuz it's addicting) and i'm ready to go..and might i add that nathan fillion is a hottie and a half...

i can feel it in the air...

9.25.2005
for those that know me...i tend to hear a song and apply its message to my life..thus it becomes a theme song. for the time being "feel it in the air" by beanie is one such song. it's absolutely beautiful and i recommend going out and really listening to it. sometimes that ish can make me cry.

this all has a point though. so things are just starting to look up. a friend of mine mr. nooner called me the other night and told me that he seriously was missin my presence in kansas city and that touched me. more than that he said he just knew that i would make it cuz i had something special that pulled people in. i love all my friends...they say the sweetest things and sometimes that can totally keep me going. i've heard the story of the one frog who made it even though everyone was telling him he wouldn't just to find out that he was deaf and that's why he won...if he would have heard the negativity he would have lost, yadda yadda. well i know i should listen to my heart alone to do what i gotta do, but outside support is so cool.

the good thing is i do believe i will be a great actress some day soon...like the song i can just feel it in the air. i'm going to do something substantial with my life..i have a good friend out here who runs a small record label and she has been a huge support out here. so much so that she called a good acting friend of hers who has coached actors on four brothers, other john singleton movies, etc. and she just wrote me back saying she's heard such good things about me she wants me to call her today to work out when i can start my classes with her. talk about dope! i'm excited to begin my journey. i mean it's not just about the final product...i can't wait to be immerced into this life i have chosen for myself. i kinda want to cry cuz i'm so happy right now.

i need a cd burner so i can start making soundtracks of my adventures here in la la land.

i start my new job on monday and i'm totally pumped. i did have a dream that i totally went back to my other job in kc and forgot i was supposed to start here...oops. money is a good thing when it pays the bills. ;)

i love life right now...i spent a couple hours talking to a new friend last night and it was awesome...we just spent time talking about music and funny little quarks and all that jazz and i have to thank God that he's blessed me with such positive people out here. so many supportive and positive individuals. it's mind blowing

unhappy little girl...

it's funny how easily things fall apart. you think you have everything figured out. you're calm, cool and collected--you have people that you look up to and respect that tell you how things are and you see them follow thru on this life advice and it works and everything's beautiful, but then something goes wrong and you're left with that world spinning feeling....you believed in something, it fell apart and so now you fall apart. life's hard...i'm just glad i have a family that i believe will always come out on top...at least i hope.

to all my friends and fam i couldn't ask for a better group of people...we make it hard on ourselves and each other at times but we do alright most of the time. i'm thankful for that.

ego tripping

9.20.2005
i was sitting here watching an episode of "a different world" today and it struck something. it's the one where the ladies of hillman are celebrating black women thru history and whitley brings in the mammy painting. i forgot just how big of impact that show really had and the knowledge it gave me. i sat there and watched one of the characters, kimberly reece, recite my favorite poem "ego tripping" by nikki giovanni and i just started to cry. it was the weirdest thing...i just love the idea of the black woman...i love the genius of nikki...and i fear the ignorance of folk who continuously try to tear me down with whack crap like "i didn't know you considered yourself black"...i watched that episode and felt sad that others try to take that pride away from me...just wait until i have a voice...people are gonna learn about their ambiguous sistas and all that being one entails! i'm really being challenged right now and it doesn't help that i have no foundation to stand firm on, but i'm getting there... i really can't wait to see what i do. it's gonna be interesting...and now homage to a hero:

I was born in the Congo.
I walked to the Fertile Crescent and built the sphinx. I designed a pyramid so tough that a star that only glows every one hundred years falls into the center giving divine perfect light.

I am bad.

I sat on the throne drinking nectar with Allah. I got hot and sent an ice age to Europeto cool my thirst.

My oldest daughter is Nefertiti. The tears from my birth painscreated the Nile.

I am a beautiful woman.

I gazed on the forest and burned out the Sahara desert. With a packet of goat's meat
and a change of clothes, I crossed it in two hours. I am a gazelle so swift, so swift you can't catch me.

For a birthday present when he was three,
I gave my son Hannibal an elephant. He gave me Rome for mother's day. My strength flows ever on.

My son Noah built an ark and I stood proudly at the helm as we sailed on a soft summer day. I turned myself into myself and was Jesus. Men intone my loving name. All praises all praises,

I am the one who would save.

I sowed diamonds in my back yard. My bowels deliver uranium. The filings from my fingernails are semi-precious jewels.

On a trip north, I caught a cold and blew my nose giving oil to the Arab world. I am so hip even my errors are correct. I sailed west to reach east and had to round off the earth as I went. The hair from my head thinned and gold was laid across three continents.

I am so perfect so divine so ethereal so surreal. I cannot be comprehended except by my permission.

I mean...I...can fly

like a bird in the sky...

pig tails

9.17.2005
can i just say that i LOVE days like today. saturdays are the bomb for kickin back and doing what you love...this morning, despite feeling like pooh, i got up, took a loooong shower, put my hair in pig tails (which is a sure fire sign that i'm diggin my day and myself) and cleaned the mess out of my apartment...there's nothing like a little catharctic cleansing ;) all of that was followed by some football and man was it good. i must admit that i do miss ku football, there's nothing like the BIG XII but this "pac 10" stuff will have to do :) tonight i'm going to see "brother's grimm" with a movie bud of mine and it should be a slammin good time. i've decided that i have to try to enjoy life as much as possible. sitting here cooped up in eagle rock, punishing myself for not finding a job lickety split ain't helping a gosh darn person...as whitney would say "i can't live like that bobby i can't live like that!" remember, she's not a crack head...just crack headish according to jamie fox.

speak

9.14.2005
last night i watched this amazing show on lifetime (please don't hate) called 'speak' and it was absolutely great. if you like the style and tone of my so-called life then you would love LOVE this movie. i don't know how many times it'll come on, but i definitey recommend going to lifetime's web site and looking up the schedule. the story is told from a teen girl's perspective and she's incredibly smart and witty--following her thru the year after her rape...talk about intense, truthful and beautiful. i couldn't move from my seat and i was somewhat hoping it was this show i keep hearing about called weeds just so i could continue to watch it weekly, but alas it is not.

check it out!

anal retentiveness inhibits the hustle

9.13.2005
ok so i'm sitting upstairs in my roomy's part of the house playing on the puter and i keep hearing this weird hissing (air being released sound) every couple of minutes...it's done this since i moved here, but today it's especially irritating...other than that it's a good day.

so i took a job waitressing at this really nice restaurant in pasedena called houston's. only catch...i suck at waitressing and i hate it so far. lol. oops! so i'm frantically looking for other work since i don't have my next training until next week. can we say picky picky poor girl?! it's all good though. i told ya'll i was different. i want to do it my way. i want to enjoy the work i do...period. even if it's not acting.

i just ate a gang full of beans today too so my tummy now hurts but i'm still in an upbeat mood cuz i'm hopeful that some of these other jobs i've applied for will come thru...anyone got any karma vibes they can send my way ;) lol

as for the past weekend. (i'm getting lazy on the blogs) i drove my little self up to sacremento (awesome long drive...totally worth it..on the way there). there are all kinds of beautiful golden hills all thru the drive, lots of cows too...which is why a certain area has gone from caulinga (sp?) to "cow linga" p.u. city but the cool breeze blasting thru your hair and good tunes totally make up for it. i stayed with my twin and her hubby in sac and she took me on a tour of the city....a city i have since fallen in love with and hope to move to someday. there's just something about the new with the old (they have the original area when the town was first settled) that just stirs me...plus it's like kc but with better surroundings (wink)

my girl's home is beautiful...her life is beautiful...it just inspired me and gave me a "go to" of how i want to live my life...lol. (once i get a job i enjoy) [double wink] can i just tell you it's a beautiful thing to find someone with a similar life experience as you? i loved sitting down with my twin and just knowing that we had an understanding..that at certain points in the conversation we could both sit back and just look at each other, nod our heads and know. if i had my own tv show, that would be the part where we go to dream sequence and i'm getting up and hugging her uncontrollably while "halleluyah!" music plays in the background ;)

so yes. i am poor and miserable in many ways, but totally enriched and content in others. i'm still reading my Bible too for all my curious cats. the study guide makes this oh so nice to understand and read. shout out to vikk on that one once again. other books on the list...i'm reading the alchemist which is fantastic--if you have a dream, in the middle of trying for your dream, etc. you NEED to read this book. it's poetically perfect and, like a good song, totally relateable. my spelling isn't that on today, i apologize

huntington beach

9.06.2005
it's amazing how easily it was for me to fall in love with that beach...so michele is definitely practically my twin in every way (what movie did i still part of that phrase from chele?!) we got to the beach and just kicked it...now the "Q" was a tight @$$ grill and made some excellent carne asada so i'm gonna have to say the california folks can indeed hold it down...i'm talking about the best meat, guac and peach salsa a girl has ever eaten! mmmm. why do things revolve around food all of a sudden for me? ya ever wonder? anyways. the weather out there is perfect....in the shade somewhat perfect so i poked my feet out into the sun and rested in the shade...slept for an hour or so...got up had good food, drank some good liquor (thank you bj!) and roasted smores...now if that ain't the perfect labor day i don't know what is? i'm drunk from giddiness..still!

so yes...that definitely is at the top of all time fun moments...it's up there with sabetha, ks weekend if that means anything ;) so many fun and interesting and might i add intelligent human beings just actin a "plum" fool on the beach...i felt like the song that features the lyrics "I'm coming home!" should have been playing in the background. california is just gettin better and better. now if that same karma could be applied to my job hunt we'd be straight! :)

labor day!

9.05.2005
For those that know me and know me well--today is labor day...what i'm taking a break from i have no clue though (wink) i'm actually on my way to a bbq with my twin and her husband. lets see if california folks can keep up with the kc smack downs of bbq land...i don't know folks...i don't know. this has been an interesting weekend. a friend texted me the other night and said he wanted to go see a movie, which of course angered me greatly since he lives in the midwest and i thought he was either being smart or had emailed the wrong chick BUT he was actually in la la land visiting fam so i was happy. it's good to hang with home...i hugged the poor boy and didn't want to let him go! i took him to this african expo thingy which was really cool. ;) and then it was over...sniff. more details on today to come!

ponderings

9.02.2005
damn....i just read the _darkest child_ by delores phillips in seriously two days...less than 24 hours really. it was so good, but it brought up some painful memories...don't ever look and assume that just because someone may carry themselves in a respectable way, they don't have a rocky past. being the mixed child of a single white and might i add dirt poor mommy was hard at times. that book was like a land mine that i accidentally stepped on...and when i opened that first page wham!!! it all came back. you'll have to pick up the book to get it all but it was just so deep and beautiful in so many ways. it deals with everything..racism, poverty, and my all time favorite-- black self loathing...specifically for me the issue of it being undesirable for the black community to show any sort of intelligence or excitement to learn...we're labeled as 'acting white'. you'd think since i surround myself with positive and intelligent human beings i wouldn't have to deal with this mess in my personal life as much but some ignorant person in my family just recently called me a "white girl" again when i told him i was reading a new book. it breaks my heart that black can't just be black. silly i know. it's just been on my mind. i've been trying to busy myself so i'm not going crazy but without funds coming in and not really wanting to hang all that much with people that are ready to get it crunk i'm left analyzing every thing that comes my way. this weekend should be good though. i'm going to lunch with my uncle to just kick back and eat for free (wink) and then a party with my twin, michele. :) that definitely helps...let me tell ya!

mama's girl

9.01.2005
so my mo (my nickname for my mother) was supposed to come see me this weekend and check out cali and my new abode but because of the fuel issues right now she can't make it. i didn't realize how big of a mama's girl i truly was (am) until she wrote and gave me the bad news. hurrican katrina damn you!

i have friends who lived down in either nola or a town near by called slidell and i tell ya, this week has been really painful. everyone's got something to say, there's a lot of political opinions of how the tragedy is being covered...the effects i see personally are enough to bring me to tears though. thank God my girl made it out and my best friend's home is ok but the relief is short lived. does anyone else feel the highs and lows of it all? trying to live your life but then feeling guilty that people are down in texas (where they're sending everybody) right now suffering because they have no home, job, family to go back to? life is crazy
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