pure exhaustion

12.16.2005
so i haven't posted for a while because my borrowed laptop was taken from me sigh but i've missed you all ;)

i hate it when i try to sum up a whole dang week. it's kinda hard i dare say. so i had a lot of work parties this week which was a lot of fun because i got to finally 'meet' folks and let my hair down..christmas is good for that isn't it?

as for my crush...good stuff as always . we went christmas shopping together the other day for his nieces and nephew and it was really sweet to see him so intent on finding them all the perfect gifts...i don't know how to explain or describe my feelings towards him...i've never met someone as cool as him, but at the same time we're still in the beginning stages..it's only been two months and we still have a LOT to learn about each other...it's just weird. i feel like my heart is trying to make leaps before the bridge is built..naughty naughty...

ok my fingers are freezing...being in la when it's cold is just sick and twisted.

as for acting. i'm home on a friday night to start reading over a script for class. i'm supposed to do a monologue for her...and mind you she freaking wrote the darn script she gave me. pressure. she wrote this to me the other day:

If you and Marko want to do Cat then continue to do so or find another scene. (I know how frustrating it is doing the same piece as someone else.) I wanted you to do the monologue as well because I want to start working on you expressing yourself from a more private location -from a place of stillness.

I know being a Puerto Rican Black from a small town it was not easy being the different one so I changed my behavior to apply to the status quo. I was Jewish at a seder , Afro rican at a barbequ and ghetto when girls were threatening me for having so called, "good hair". It's time to find out who we really were/are before others manipulated our responses into reactions.

Stop acting out for them, Latisha, you are a most beautiful and intelligent woman with a strong powerful personality we are going to find a path for it to come out without having to push it.

guys i just wanted to cry when i read that...that's what's been my biggest hang up out here...i finally let the cracks show. it's like my strength or pseudo strength for that matter is crumbling and i'm exposing the current tish you read/see now. i don't know how to get a grip but i can tell you one thing..this performance is gonna bring out some heavy stuff. see how wonderful acting is..you can find yourself by becoming someone else...

it's friday. thank God it's Friday! no more cold hands, script time!

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