it's a gamble

i'm gambling with my life...sometimes so much that i feel i can't breath. i just accepted this new full time job because i absolutely have to pay my bills...but the only thing is...will i be able to audition? i work at a place where i feel i dont belong...something just doesn't click with the folks there...i come home..two hour commute and i'm exhausted..who has time for working on scripts...auditioning...i know deep down things will work out. i know this is my purpose in life..i'm supposed to do this but dang i wish sometimes i had someone here (i'm talking about a guy folks) that would have my back...supporting me and my me that extra umph at night to study ....that push in the morning telling me i can make it thru the day..that i'm doing the right thing. life is so much easier when you have someone in your corner...i've never had anyone in my corner, i've dated, but the one person that has supported me and given me that encouraging sense of peace has no intentions to be mine. so i'm either unlucky or it's just not my time...only God knows.

so i just had this amazingly weird week...i was on tv..the beginning of my dream...i felt this energy..this buzz of happiness and i just felt like light was coming out of me...i began to scream and if i wouldn't have been so exhausted from my first day of work i would have cried probably...i just can't wait for it all..i can't wait for monday when i begin my acting classes and the buzz comes back. my dream is a gamble..i'm gambling with my life and sometimes i can't breath but it's totally worth it!

on a completely different note. i'm watching a commercial where this white boy comes out of a robotic tracy mcgrady...does anyone find that to be a little unnerving..that these black basketball players are just puppets for people to play with? or am i reading too much into that ad? hmmm. i just watched this new show on the WB called "related" and it was really good. it's one of those endearing shows where you want to be the characters...and you're sad when it ends. i liked it alot. i totally recommend it. it comes on the WB on wednesdays. tell me what you think about it.

one more thing...GQ is recognizing jennifer anniston as its "man of the year" because she handled her divorce "like a man"...does that piss anyone else off? lol. i need my sista girls and my best friends here...jen, vikkie..can ya'll please PLEASE move to los angeles?

more blogs tomorrow...i don't have time during the week days so this is it for a while


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