wiggle your big toe

can i just say that last night was the BOMB!...the reason i know this is becasuse i'm nursing pains from moving around like a crazy woman...my body hurts!

so friday night my roommate and i hopped on a plane and went to sacramento to visit my twinny twin twin for the weekend. i had a blast. friday night was really chill but saturday was just on and poppin. we woke up and went shopping for our halloween costumes and had a blast. there's nothing better than acting like a dang fool with your girls in public. we all got together and tried these nasty little jelly beans (harry potter ones) that were nasty and a half! dirt, vomit, bougar...um yeah. i ate a dirt one..the first time i got cinamon so i wasn't ready for it ya'll and it was hilarious to watch the others gagging over that ish. i love those moments of extreme silliness..they're the things that keep life interesting and fun.

we got wigs, stockings and other goodies for our kill bill costumes and went home and got ready and that in itself was great. i helped make go go's ball & chain. i now consider myself to be a 'ball & chain makin' guru in case anyone ever needs help in that department. after getting dressed i totally understood people's desire to act a fool on halloween. as soon as that blonde wig went on i felt like a completely different person....at that moment i turned into 'bouncing off the walls hyper active tish' and it was great!!!! we went to this CRAZY halloween ball party that's designed to be like the exoti erotic in san francisco...vice versa can't remember? but anyways..how come i walked into this place and there were people in dominatrix outfits spanking each other, dildoes abound....my poor little innocent eyes couldn't handle that ish. i had my mouth open almost the whole night with extreme shock. there was one little guy walking around with a huge penis attached that he was spraying silly string out of...um yeah. he skeeted all over a guy in our group. priceless....priceless i say.

anywho it was fun to let loose with those folks. i had a great time. halloween's making a come back in my eyes. not to mention our costumes were pimp! ya gotta admit it!

now it's time to go back to same ole same ole...hmph. for one night though i was 'the bride' and i wiggled my damn big toe

back of the bus

i'm late, i know, but rosa parks has died...people that made differences are passing. when i heard the news this morning i was listening to this new amazing artist named lela james...you should pick up her album. she's got this song (that i was listening to) called music. she belts out how no one sings soul anymore..no one makes music and her voice is so raw and real...it makes me wanna cry...doesn't it seem like the times of purpose and change are gone. to be continued...

isn't it swell?

i love the fall. i love twinkle lights on trees. i LOVE sushi and i love being up at 11:11 p.m., chillin on the net and listening to me'shell vibe it all up in my little sweet apartment.

if you're asking then i'm telling you it's yes

hey guys.

so today was yet another great day. i mean i knew as soon as i woke up that i'd have a great day..i got ready for work...the radio played every song that could possibly get me grooving including "every little thing you do, you're on my mind"... YOU--ARE--ON--MY--MIND. i love it! then i get half way to work and figure out that i've left my all important badge at home...that gets me into the building...and you'd think i'd start to stress but i was like whatever. get to work, my computer's broke and i'm still like whatever. why am i so chipper? cuz i met someone and everything about the dude makes me giddy. lol. i was just talking to my best friend jen and she was commenting on an email i had sent her. in it i had said that i felt this guy could look at me and see things that no one else has ever seen and jen told me that she had had the same feeling about her current guy who she's been with for years....that i absolutely love. so that was kinda cool to share. my high could inspire so many soundtracks at this very moment..i'd have to have lots of different ones to really grasp all of the different emotions new crushes can produce in a sista.

as for other silly notions: i didn't have acting class tonight which was cool. i came home, did some laundry, put on a mask, i'm watching "all of us" which i haven't been able to watch since my big night and now i'm chillin on the internet...which someday will be my downfall. life's good though for real. my niece's birthday is coming up this weekend. she'll be one. it's cute as heck! i have my halloween costume all picked out..i'm going as uma from kill bill...my girls are also dressing up like the other deadly assassins and did i mention i'm crushin on someone? people there's nothing more beautiful! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i'm lovin it


god grey's anatomy was phenomenally painful to watch... stop reading if you haven't seen the episode and you plan to watch it on your precious tivo.

so the story about the woman who's heart breaks every year on a specific day because it's the day her soul mate died...a woman who's heart tries to break every year because she remembers her true love...damn i feel like crying now. i can't help it. i'm a hopeless romantic. always have been. i sat up and giggled when sandra oh kissed her doc. don't you just love it when a show wraps you up in the moment and you can't help the high you get?! i just heard my roomie come up the stairs so i had to rush outside and tell her. our neighbors probably think i'm weird but i don't care. that was great!

that's unfortunate

ok so i'm practicing with my acting partner and we know we have to practice this really awkward kissing scene...so we do it. it's fine we're cool (I FEEL NOTHING) but then he smiles at me and asks if we can practice again and my heart just sunk....he tells me he's broken up with his girl...that he's interested in me...i can't even verbalize the sheer shock i'm experiencing right now..aren't we supposed to be actors?! aren't we supposed to be able to ACT like we're together without wanting to be together? i'm so confused and this is gonna make class so dreadful...no matter what, i'm screwed.

purple star

The other day in traffic i ran over a purple star in the road...a little stuffed purple star and i was quite sad... lol. Is there supposed to be some kind of meaning in my running over a star near the hollywood freeway?

p.s. isn't "man in the mirror" one of the best jams of all times?! i get on my m.j. kick and i go buck wild!

mi casa

i'm finally going home folks!!!!

this week has been mad crazy...just trying not to get sick from all the peeps at my job, packing, shopping for christmas gifts and trying not to drown in my excitement. sigh...gotta love this time of the year. i think my blood's turned into cinnamon..i'm just bubbling with christmas!

so wish me luck...i've got a lot of 'newness' waiting for me back home...i guess it's true..you do gotta know where you come from before you can move ahead...i've got madd things to figure out, family wise, relationship wise, self wise and i'm going to definitely use that time to attempt to figure it out.

no more acting classes until january and i'm glad...i need to get my head straight. my goal is to be doing the dang thing...emmercing myself into my art this year. to do that i really need to focus.

as for local stuff. the crush and i have a dinner planned tomorrow and i'm cooking for this boy lol...please pray for a sista--hope i don't kill the boy...he just doesn't know. i got him a really great gift though...he doesn't read this thing so i can share :) so i got him a book of poems from hughes..my main man, the man that's got me typing in green cuz we both love and appreciate the poet of the people..and some music that he shared with me on our first date...dean martin. hopefully the boy likes it ;) still twitterpatted ya'll!

wee little ones

can i just say that THE weirdest thing ever has happened to me? for the first time in my whole life someone has been able to reduce me to a stumbling clumsy nervous giggly dork and it's a little unnerving...a girl can't have any kind of game when her face immediately turns red...speech speeds up and you can't help but smile, but it's so funny to witness..even i have to laugh. my friends keep asking me what the heck is wrong...i kind of like it. nice little high. :)

what is beauty

so last nights class...sigh

so i thought i would do way better..i was more prepared this time but i just have this weird doubt that keeps creeping in...these ugly little voices saying i'm not an actress, i'm not beautiful, i'm too fat..blah blah blah. last night the voices were so loud i just wanted to scream. i managed to shut them up long enough to fake the funk...i know these kids are older, have been here longer but when you're there and you're putting it all out there for them to see and dissect and judge it's hard to be idealistic. i do have to say that i improved a lot. the first time we went she waited until the end to talk to us and told us what we were doing wrong...yadda yadda...how to fix it and so we tried it again...my partner kept freaking me out though..in the scene we're supposed to kiss but we made the decision not to..then he goes and tries to plant one on me! i totally ducked it..no no no! no kisses without practicing that...being comfortable enough with the person...ugh. now

as for the rest of the guys... one guy just met with mel gibson to discuss being in a movie with him..um yeah. these are the dudes i'm meeting with every monday. i plan on sticking with this though..even if it hard...with all the voices in my head, the doubt...i can always count on the strongest voice of all telling me that acting chose me--not the other way around. so even when i'm feeling my lowest there's always gonna be something bigger than me that keeps me going...

i do wonder what happened to the tish i left behind in missouri. that tish knew she had something to say...she disappeared out here and it's hard at times without here...very hard.

monday morning

Is it sick and twisted that I use personal emotions for my acting? I can sit here and think about something that pains me and then I’ll immediately get excited that I may be able to tap into this emotion to produce something later on…it’s kind of sick actually, but I can’t control it. It’s involuntary like breathing.

Now if I could just take a nap it would be all good. No matter how early I go to bed I’m still tired as heck. What’s up with that? I do apologize that my blogs aren’t as interesting as they used to be. My material isn’t that hot lately I admit. I look forward to blogging just because I’m so unbelievably bored and need to take my mind off of falling asleep. Lol…nodding off is a normal part of my new life. I’m really becoming the “grammama”.

Ok I’m starting to get hyped up for my class…I don’t know what it is about this script/guy I’m working with, but I feel like I’ve been given a challenge. He’s a really good actor. He has this knack for attacking me with his eyes…he’s very intense. not like an al pacino, but close! So having to be married to this man that’s going thru this sort of metamorphasis is really awesome and totally completes me in a way and disturbs me at the same time. I get to be married…but I can’t appreciate him…it’ll be interesting.

my tish day

man i love my sundays!!!

so today i woke up and layed in bed and whined because i didn't want to do what i had to do for the day but everything turned out swell...i went to my acting partner's house and we rehearsed for a good three hours and it was perfect. i was initially hesitant to work over at his place cuz he's a dude and yeah..i'm a female but his girlfriend was there and i was immediately put at ease and i know she was at ease when she saw what my nasty butt looked like...no showering self. so we got to know each other and he gave me some names of different coaches i could do some good work with...some books to read. it was great. then i came home and helped my home girl research publishing houses for her book followed by a good two hours of reading _wicked_ while listening to miles...good stuff people.

then i had an idea. sundays are fabulous cuz we watch desperate housewives and grey's anatomy so to celebrate we went down the street to pasedena to this adorable little mom and pop's joint called 21 choices which lets you make your own yogurt icecream concoctions (kind of like coldstone) i got french vanilla icecream with cinamon and fresh peaches thrown in it..mmmm. it's like peach cobbler and i'm currently loving it. now i have a little bit before the show comes on..gotta love sundays!!!

tire's busted

i just tried to go to the movies...i have a flat tire. life sucks

wild horses

I had this long substantial blog all written out and and I had to leave my desk for a pizza party. Long story made short: I was told to log off and it wiped out my long and beautiful blog. That’s how life goes.

Can I just say that Fridays are beautiful? I was a little off this morning…I woke up and just laid there in the dark and stared at the ceiling…I got in the shower and stuck my face in the cold water pouring down and I still couldn’t wake myself out of the funk. My drive to work wasn’t even that eventful but then I started to talk to my best friend via email and I was randomly reminded of how lucky I am to have such an interesting person to talk to every day. I miss her when she’s not at her desk. I shared our conversations with my new favorite buddy at work and she commented on how “in it” we both are. It’s good to have a best friend that people recognize you were made to be best friends with lol. It’s comforting too might I add.

I’m listening to “wild horses” right now..which happens to be one of my favorite songs of all time. (The girl version thank you very much). It makes me feel pretty. Brandi, my new bud, has an ipod and we swapped music for the day. I just received a call from AMC theaters to possibly interview for a manager position. It would pay way less than my current job but the hours would be more flexible…which is what I need right?! I get so caught up in the corporate web here…having money, being too tired to do anything after work…loving my weekends too much so this could be good. I’ll have to budget like a mutha …we’ll see. We’ll see.

bring on the nerd

I’ve become that person…the person that has the little bead covers on their car seats to help their back…I now have this little pillow thing lol. I think I might throw up in my mouth a little bit. And please tell me that my blogs will discuss more than just work office blues…office space was funny but there’s only so much we as human beings can take, dang it! on a more positive note, I actually do enjoy driving to work in the morning. I love listening to this morning r&b and hip hop program that ananda lewis hosts. One good thing about L.A. is ya can find some really interesting people on your radio every morning..not to diss Julee jonez and shawn who I miss terribly. This morning I drove in and tried to battle driving while fixing the insert in my tennis shoe…I think it’s finally time to retire the nikes and move on I’m afraid to say. I feel like one of those Chinese woman you read about who used to bind their feet to make them smaller. They are bugging the ultimate crap out of me and I can’t handle it. I’ve been biting people’s heads off all day and it’s totally cuz of my darn foot. Go figure how important foot comfort really is!!! I could beat the crap out of someone right now all because of a stupid insole poking up and making my toes curl…

I hate to be a Debbie Downer as my twin, Chele, would say but I miss “home” so much. It’s funny that I had to leave to feel that it really was home. Everything back there is changing too…my family-the works so I’m really feeling a quote from “Garden State” right now:

“You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.”

I have to book my plane ticket for Christmas soon and I’m kind of scared. With the idea of family vastly changing and my hesitation to join reality it’ll prove to be very interesting. Why did I have to grow up again?

I sat with a cute boy at lunch today in the cafeteria. I’m gonna call him a cute boy because I have a little girl crush...plus it just adds to the cuteness of hanging in a cafeteria. He’s really swell. I couldn’t look at him the whole time we were at lunch because I’d get these little chills up my spine every time he looked at me; giddiness abounds. I wish I knew how to just shut up and be cool when I’m actually crushin on someone, but I don’t. Bring on the dork!

some kinda weird

I don’t know what your work days are like, but mine are monotonous as all get out. I sit at a computer All day long, ignoring the sharp pains shooting through my lower back. Now I understand the beauty of ergonomic anything! Is this right? Is this how I was meant to support and live out my dream? I work at a place where I’m seriously a number…or worse a temp. I keep telling people my name is Tish, but even the woman who hired me keeps calling me LaTisha. Without fail…every day. I’ve never been more annoyed to hear that name. It used to just irk me for sounding too formal, not it just reeks of impersonal who haw. I was spoiled at my last place of employment! This is why people go crazy at work! The only acting I can even think about is on my lunch break and even then that’s a hard one. I’ve got to get my funds in a reasonably together and then I’ve got to find GOT TO FIND something more open. Either a manager at a bookstore or movie theater…That would be wonderful…The question for the day is, how do all my other fellow co-workers here do the darn thing?

I’ve caught myself three times today dozing off at my desk and my elbow dropping and waking me up lol. I’m glad my cubie buddy doesn’t face my way or he’d be laughing his booty off at me.

On a cuter note, I made a really great friend out here named brandi and she’s the sweetest thing ever so of course I immediately want to hook her up with my cousin…he better not mess this up! It’s cute to see people flirty and twitterpatted though

a kiss

i'm watching an all day marathon of rozwell (which i've never watched before mind you) and there was this great kissing scene...sigh. it reminds me of a monologue i used to get my current agent:

That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time.

grey's anatomy

god i love this show! someone please talk to me about this show...and can i please PLEASE be lucky enough to work on a show like this some day...sigh.

my sunday blues

back in kansas city i started this tradition of ultimate chill time on sundays. i pop in my favorite miles davis cd and do what i want...today that meant going over my monologue and reading an O magazine issue i hadn't yet peeped. it's days like this that make me whole...

years ago i wrote a poem for someone...describing the colors i could see coming out of my soul because of him...lavendars and blues and days like today create that cool calm ode to colors that i felt at the time i wrote that..sometimes being single isn't so bad. when i have quiet "tish" days like this everything's 'kind of blue' and i love that.

it's a gamble

i'm gambling with my life...sometimes so much that i feel i can't breath. i just accepted this new full time job because i absolutely have to pay my bills...but the only thing is...will i be able to audition? i work at a place where i feel i dont belong...something just doesn't click with the folks there...i come home..two hour commute and i'm exhausted..who has time for working on scripts...auditioning...i know deep down things will work out. i know this is my purpose in life..i'm supposed to do this but dang i wish sometimes i had someone here (i'm talking about a guy folks) that would have my back...supporting me and my goals..giving me that extra umph at night to study ....that push in the morning telling me i can make it thru the day..that i'm doing the right thing. life is so much easier when you have someone in your corner...i've never had anyone in my corner, i've dated, but the one person that has supported me and given me that encouraging sense of peace has no intentions to be mine. so i'm either unlucky or it's just not my time...only God knows.

so i just had this amazingly weird week...i was on tv..the beginning of my dream...i felt this energy..this buzz of happiness and i just felt like light was coming out of me...i began to scream and if i wouldn't have been so exhausted from my first day of work i would have cried probably...i just can't wait for it all..i can't wait for monday when i begin my acting classes and the buzz comes back. my dream is a gamble..i'm gambling with my life and sometimes i can't breath but it's totally worth it!

on a completely different note. i'm watching a commercial where this white boy comes out of a robotic tracy mcgrady...does anyone find that to be a little unnerving..that these black basketball players are just puppets for people to play with? or am i reading too much into that ad? hmmm. i just watched this new show on the WB called "related" and it was really good. it's one of those endearing shows where you want to be the characters...and you're sad when it ends. i liked it alot. i totally recommend it. it comes on the WB on wednesdays. tell me what you think about it.

one more thing...GQ is recognizing jennifer anniston as its "man of the year" because she handled her divorce "like a man"...does that piss anyone else off? lol. i need my sista girls and my best friends here...jen, vikkie..can ya'll please PLEASE move to los angeles?

more blogs tomorrow...i don't have time during the week days so this is it for a while

slap heard round the world

yeah yeah yeah! you could actually see my behind on my first tv show last night! i'm quite excited. all my buds were calling and screaming and it was so awesome...too bad the scene only lasted 10 seconds or so ...lol. i don't care though! ha! after the show a good friend of mine came over and we went to this club down off of hollywood and vine to see boris kodjoe and the cast of "the gospel"...that was my first time at a club since i've been here! so brandi and i are chillin and having a good ole time when we decide to go to the bar..which led these two gentlemen to stop us thinking we were leaving..which led to us meeting good friends of boris' (look that man up if you do not know who i'm talking about people) who they introduced me to and a comedian i've seen on tv a bunch (chris spencer) and mr. powell...the preacher from the movie. it was a lot of fun. i won't be doing that on a regular basis cuz i'm hurting this morning for real! but the initial guy i met was pubbin me up telling me that i was cool so he'd try to introduce me to a couple of directors (ahhhh!) now if he was just trying to seduce me with names then the giddiness will pass soon but if he's for real then i'm pumped...this town is so crazy...you never know people's true intentions. did i mention that i'm really REALLY tired...5 hours of sleep...are you kidding me?!

you hurt my pinky toe

can i just say first of all that the chiefs suck for throwing away today's game like they did? booo on that!

i'm chillin in my apartment with my foot up and wrapped cuz it hurts like i don't know what...i can't wait to be able to stand and not be aware that i'm standing...walk and not be aware i'm walking...it'll be a beautiful thang--just beautiful. can i just say i love sundays...lazy days. i'm turning into the worst kinda hermit--i fall deeper and deeper into loving my "tish time"--that all ends tomorrow though when i start my new job :) yeah yeah yeah for that! i also just heard from this acting coach that a friend hooked me up with. not this monday but next i'm going to her class to see how i like it. if i do and she likes me then she' ll take me on and it'll be groovy. i'll practice and hone my skills and when she thinks i'm ready she'll start to introduce me to directors and casting directors she works with like john singleton and folks like that. wouldn't that just be splendid?! ;)

as for now--this very moment--it's desperate houswives/grey's anatomy night...yeah baby. that's some good stuff. i can't wait...did i mention i love sundays?!

yesterday was the book club which was really awesome. it was crazy for the two days leading up to it...my roommate got her furniture at seriously the last minute and we were running around cooking and cleaning like we were kuntas! but the the ladies came, we had a beautiful lunch complete with home made sangrias thanks to a fellow book club friend and just chatted away about the book _the darkest child_ and current affairs. a little bit of man talk hee hee..it was a blast. i can't wait for the next one...shannon definitely makes it interesting here!
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