ponderings

9.02.2005
damn....i just read the _darkest child_ by delores phillips in seriously two days...less than 24 hours really. it was so good, but it brought up some painful memories...don't ever look and assume that just because someone may carry themselves in a respectable way, they don't have a rocky past. being the mixed child of a single white and might i add dirt poor mommy was hard at times. that book was like a land mine that i accidentally stepped on...and when i opened that first page wham!!! it all came back. you'll have to pick up the book to get it all but it was just so deep and beautiful in so many ways. it deals with everything..racism, poverty, and my all time favorite-- black self loathing...specifically for me the issue of it being undesirable for the black community to show any sort of intelligence or excitement to learn...we're labeled as 'acting white'. you'd think since i surround myself with positive and intelligent human beings i wouldn't have to deal with this mess in my personal life as much but some ignorant person in my family just recently called me a "white girl" again when i told him i was reading a new book. it breaks my heart that black can't just be black. silly i know. it's just been on my mind. i've been trying to busy myself so i'm not going crazy but without funds coming in and not really wanting to hang all that much with people that are ready to get it crunk i'm left analyzing every thing that comes my way. this weekend should be good though. i'm going to lunch with my uncle to just kick back and eat for free (wink) and then a party with my twin, michele. :) that definitely helps...let me tell ya!

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