The highs and lows are tough

8.15.2005
So today has been a real hard one. I know that I need to be thankful for how far I've come and how generous Shannon has been to me for allowing me to stay at her place, giving me a roof over my head and giving me things to feel that space, but I'm a spoiled brat at heart which means when someone offered a free fridge to me today I accepted it, but I wanted to cry the whole time I was cleaning the old and nasty thing out...it's a relic let me tell ya. Why am I so shallow that I can't accept a nice gesture that's going to save me a gang of money? I have no clue. I need to get ten times more humble here.

That's not the low for the day though...So I'm sitting there cleaning out the fridge when my phone rings and there's a man saying he's looked over my resume and wants me to come in for a job...um I'm exstatic so I say yes, get ready and head on over (he wanted me to interview that day and I didn't think that was odd at all) So I get to the seedy little building right off of Hollywood and Vine and he begins to tell me about all these hustles his business does...and how I am a very attractive woman and he wants me to do porn...yes you heard me right! I just wanted to crawl inside a hole and die. I've never felt so cheap and dirty before. I came home with my head down and a heavy heart. I hope things start to look up. I'll never apply for jobs off of Craigslist ever again!!! It's so hard to be a woman...I hate it that men can look at you and take something away from you...I was wearing a conservative skirt and top and he still had the ability to cheapen me...people it's hard out here...It's hard!

I thank God that I'm smart and strong enough to know and refuse gimmicks like that. I feel for the girls that do get trapped in that mess. Ugh! Monday, not so good. Tuesday is looking great though. It's a brand new day...Maybe one filled with legitimate job interviews I hope. :)

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